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4 Tips To Create The Life You Want (Act As If)

4 Tips To Create The Life You Want (Act As If)

by | Aug 21, 2025 | podcast

Listen:

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear, stop faking it till you make it act as if. So on the surface, these two phrases sound very similar, but there’s a big difference in how we mentally and physically embrace them. When we say to ourselves, fake it till we make it, we’re pretending to do the habits. We don’t actually believe we’re becoming the person who has that lifestyle, who has those goals. When we say act as if we’re thinking about the ultimate person we need to become and the ultimate lifestyle we need to live to have the goals we want to have and to reach the success that we want to reach. And then we’re just taking actions to become that person. And that’s the really key component. When we’re working towards a goal, even something that might seem vain or silly or not as serious in our life, we are becoming a new person.

(00:55):
When you are working to get leaner, you are going to have to do the habits, the lifestyle of that person who is lean. Now, that doesn’t mean go look for some influencer online and try and replicate their exact lifestyle because that will not be what fits you. You’re not trying to force yourself into a mold, but you are thinking about your current habits and how they might have to evolve and how your identity might have to evolve to be at that goal. And if you think about even leanness as the example when you’re going to a party, there might be times you choose not to indulge in the way you’ve always indulged, especially at the start of your weight loss process. But then at some other point you do or maybe you realize that hey, me, always trying to restrict myself when I’m going to this party, trying to force a mold of some ideal I saw on some influencer’s story is actually holding me back from embracing the lifestyle that balance that I want so that I can have the recomp, but also the lifestyle that I know I ultimately want to lead.

(01:48):
So it really is this process of acting as if you are creating a new identity to some extent, and that can be sort of scary when we think about it. It seems like this huge shift. Are we losing ourself? But we’re not. And if you really think about most of our life growing up, we’ve seen the biggest growth. We’ve been open to changing and a little bit more fluid and flexible with who and what we are. We’ve changed styles, we’ve changed haircuts, we’ve done all these different things. We’ve explored who and what we’re really meant to be. And at one point, that’s a good point, a good thing that we should be doing. And at some point it becomes something that’s sort of frowned upon. We should know ourselves better, we should have the set identity. And that’s where we stop seeing growth really happen and we ultimately hold ourselves back.

(02:29):
We sabotage ourselves believing that we have to be this one way. And part of it is the things that have worked for us in the past, things that either even others peers have told us, the people around us have convinced us that we need to do even things that we feel the societal pressure to do. But at some point we have to question, am I being true to myself and the goals that I want? Because every goal matters if it matters to us because we ultimately have to live with ourselves. We are the only one that does. We’re committed to ourselves for the rest of our life. So I want to talk about how you can act as if to really reach your goals and give you four tips. And tip number one is embrace the discomfort and show up Anyway. Making changes is hard because what feels sustainable right now, what feels comfortable right now is what we’ve simply always done.

(03:11):
The patterns that don’t take any willpower, that don’t take any thought, that don’t take any self-control. If you were to reflect on a lot of the things you do, you kind of run on autopilot. Even some of the self-sabotaging behaviors, there’s a pattern of X thing happens during the day. You have this emotional response and this mindset. You come home, you put your bag down the same spot, you walk in the same number of steps basically to the kitchen cabinet. You open in the same way. You grab things out in the same way you put on the counter, grab it, right? There’s this whole routine pattern that you’re unconsciously repeating. And so in order to change that pattern, you have to not only put in behaviors and actions, you want to do change mindsets, but you have to recognize it’s even happening as soon as possible, which is hard.

(03:49):
It’s unlearning as you are learning, but this is what drives that acting as if. And so even more than thinking about, I don’t want to do this pattern, think about the pattern that would be helpful for you if you’re stressed out, what would be a helpful thing to do? Because the more we think about those actions of the person we want to become, the more we embrace growing into them and we see opportunity, it feels like something we’re choosing to do over something we have to do. And we’re not beating ourselves up with guilt over the old identity even creeping in because guess what? No matter how much you act as if, no matter how much you become, no matter how many years down the road, and I say years for a reason, if you think about the transformation in a lot of time from school, you’ve been at school, college, high school four years, and that’s the time it takes to really shift identity at least.

(04:29):
And the call to the old identity is always there because it’s something that was easy or comfortable or good for a reason. But we have to recognize that there is this push and pull and that what we need to do to make a change will not feel easier or comfortable or sustainable often to start because it’s not what we’ve always done unconsciously. It requires that conscious effort to not only unlearn but learn. So there will be discomfort in that change. And the more we embrace that and even see discomfort as a good thing, meaning that we are exhibiting growth, the better off we’re going to be. And again, it’s not seeing growth or change as a negative, which we do, especially with identity. It feels like, oh, I don’t know who I am or I feel all these peer pressures. No, act as if really see that lifestyle you want to build and then embrace that discomfort and do it anyway, seeing that as a good thing.

(05:11):
And then tip number two, set identity driven habit goals. So often we think about goals as I want to lose weight, so I want X weight on the scale. I want these measurements, even performance goals. It’s like I want X amount of pull-ups. I want to be able to do race in this time. What about all the achievement that there really is in the habits you’re repeating? So if you think about it, if you want to become the person that has this lifestyle balance, that rocks those pull-ups, what are the habits you need to do in order to get there? Celebrating those habits is really key. And not only, okay, yes, I need to change my workouts to do that, but how are you fueling to feel your best? How are you recovering to feel your best? All these things are going to be shaping your identity.

(05:49):
And the more we even embrace that these things are shaping our identity because they’re changing our lifestyle and probably even going to require some changes in our environment, the better off we’re going to be. But we should set goals that are habit driven, that are changing our identity. So hey, okay, I want to go to the gym five times a week, and I really struggled to get a routine. Okay, so going back off of that, instead of just saying, I want to go to the gym, and that being the habit of I was good or bad because I went to the gym, which I again can create guilt. Think about how do I get myself to go to the gym? Okay, I shift my environment, maybe I put out my gym clothes, maybe I put my gym bag on the front seat of my car.

(06:21):
So after work I see it right there and I have to go, how can you shift your environment and then celebrate even just that shift in environment, maybe the first time you don’t go with the bag there, you still make the excuse, but then the next day you feel a little bit more of a twinge of, okay, I have to go. There’s no reason not to. And then that sets the pattern in place. So really celebrate those other changes in the shift in your environment, in the shift in your identity, not just the eventual outcome. Because those daily things that don’t feel like they’re adding up, they are. And often because we see ourselves every single day, if you look in the mirror, you’re looking in the mirror every single day. You don’t notice all the changes that are accumulating. That’s why someone else can be like, oh my gosh, have you done something different?

(06:57):
And you’re like, I look different. So really celebrate and even set those habit identity driven goals. How are you shifting your environment? How have you even reflected on who you want to become and really are implementing all the lifestyle factors to get there, celebrating that will keep you consistent. It’ll make you feel good because we also have to remember that momentum is built, motivation is built off of momentum and success snowballs. The more you do, the more you do. So we really want to think, how can I create this success mindset? And you will feel successful doing something uncomfortable because you’ll be proud of yourself and see your own strength on the days you don’t want to work out. And you do, you feel a little extra good about it, right? But then you’re also doing a habit that is identity driven in doing that.

(07:39):
Hey, I’m the person that is disciplined in doing this no matter what. So the more we celebrate that, the better we feel better ourselves, the stronger we feel, the more confident in our abilities, the more we’re acting as if even the person we need to be and the better our results are going to be and the faster often. Tip number three is create minimums. So you always move forward. Really, our lifestyle is built off of things we do consistently, and they’re very small things often yet. So often when we approach reaching a goal, we make these dramatic lifestyle shifts. We go on a plan, we force some world over evolving our lifestyle. And then I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought this, I’ve seen other people write in about this or even say this to me, where they’re like, oh, if I can’t be perfect with a plan though, why do anything?

(08:22):
And if you think about that mindset, it goes back to the flat tire analogy that I love to use. That’s like getting a flat tire pulling over to the side of the road and being like, well, I can’t go anywhere. I might as well slash the other three. We would never do that. It’s ridiculous. But when we think about our nutrition plan, we think, oh, well, I can’t be perfect with it. AKA got a flat, so why do any of it? I’m going to slash the other three like the car and fire and walk away. But really what we need to do is say, okay, well how can I fix this situation or do as much as possible to get moving forward as fast as possible? Maybe you don’t have a spare in your car and you have to call aaa. Okay, well, at least I’m taking action to move forward.

(08:54):
It’s still something that is a positive in the right direction. So we have to remember that something is always better than nothing. And the more we can embrace those minimums, the more we’re meeting ourselves, we’re at. Even if you think about it as boxes, right? Let’s just say you could jump up onto that tallest box a few times, but at some point you’re going to get too tired. You can’t keep doing, you’re going to injure yourself even. And then you can’t do anything. Versus if you started stepping up into the smaller box and then you got a little stronger, you could step up into the second box and then maybe even from there, you could cheat and step up in the second box and then go to the third from the second box. But these are a little hacks so that you’re ingraining these patterns.

(09:28):
You’re really building who and what you are. Because we have to recognize too that we see more of that pushback, that pain pushback, the more we push that comfort zone. So the more we can ease in, let it slowly expand, the better off we’re going to be. So just remember that the more you go all in, the more you push back against those changes you’re going to get. So the less you do, if you’re just doing a small habit change, a 1% improvement, the less pushback against that you’re going to get. And ultimately the easier it will be to continue to do that. And then off of that one, when that becomes normal, think about all the other little things you can add. And again, the more you do, the more you do. And all of a sudden these things feel a lot more sustainable.

(10:04):
You feel really excited by the changes. And so you feel like you’re choosing to do more over feeling like you’re restricted or deprive or having to do something, something you should do. So just remember that those small changes add up a lot more, and that’s really how we see that identity evolve. That’s how we act as if, okay, so if my ultimate lifestyle is X, maybe I can’t do all that right now, but what’s the first turn from my current location towards that destination? Not what the last turn is, but what’s that first turn that can really help? Then tip number four, take full ownership. Ultimately, whether you succeed or fail, it’s up to you because no, you can’t control everything that happens in your life, but you can always control your perspective of it. Do you see it as obstacle or opportunity if you fail, if you hit a hang up, if something happens that you have to navigate around, you choose whether or not you navigate around it or you turn back.

(10:56):
That’s it. And the more we take ownership and almost place blame on ourself for everything that happens, the more agency and empowered we become, the more agency we get and the more empower we ultimately become. And this is so key to recognize because I think we think of fault and blame as negatives. Like, I’ve been bad, I’ve done something wrong. No, by saying, oh, this was a mistake. How can I correct it? We can learn from it. We are being more empowered because we’re giving ourselves an even recognizing our own strength. We’re giving ourselves confidence in our ability to conquer anything that comes our way. So the more you can take full ownership, that’s part of acting as if faking it till you make it. You’re kind of saying, oh, well, I’m pretending to be this other person, and if these things don’t work out, whatever, acting as if it’s being like I am going to be all that I want to be.

(11:40):
And that’s taking ownership of your journey. You have this one life to live. Give it your all. See what you can accomplish. Take on challenges. Recognize that growth and evolution are a good thing, because honestly, whether or not you know it, whether or not you’re choosing to, you are changing because every force in life, everything that’s happening is changing you. I mean, your skin is changing right now. Your age is changing, right? We see the signs of aging. You are changing. What we want to do is control the direction of that change as much as possible. And that comes from acting as if and embracing that we are constantly evolving our identity to help ourselves reach our goals. And that comes then back to the minimums We set, the daily actions that we do and celebrating those as wins to help us keep going. So I want to encourage you, how can you act as if who is the person you want to become that has the goals you want to have? And what are small changes based on where you are right now, not where you wish you would be, not where you want to be, but where you are right now that can help you start on that path towards being that person? Because the more you take those actions, the more you become that person, the more you see your strength, the more you see your confidence, the more you really rock those results.

 

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

by | Aug 14, 2025 | podcast

Listen:

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey. Even the stuff you don’t want to hear, you feel awkward. Good awkwardness with a new habit or routine is a sign usually that we are making a change that we need to reach a new and better result because you can’t do what you’ve always done and expect to reach a new goal. Yet what is really comfortable is simply what we’ve always done and become used to. And we don’t recognize that when we’re young and we embrace that learning process. We don’t really think of the discomfort with things because everything to some extent is new. But at a certain point in our life, we’re doing a lot fewer new things, and so we get really comfortable with our habits and routines and some of them become so mindless we don’t even recognize we’re doing them.

(00:46):
And because of that, anything new introduced does feel really uncomfortable, a little bit awkward, and that strangeness to us makes us question if we’re doing it right. We also don’t embrace being bad at something and that learning process, which is often awkward, we can feel like a giraffe on roller skates and we push back against that versus when you’re always feeling like that, you don’t think about it so much. So that’s why as we get older, we start to see awkward as a bad thing, but if we don’t go through that learning process, we’re not going to make habit changes that we need because we do have to slightly evolve our lifestyle, evolve our identity if we want to reach a new and better result. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt awkward with things like even doing a new form of video, doing the podcast for the first time, all of these things I had to learn how to do, and I felt really awkward and bad doing even sometimes now I feel awkward or bad with a new way of presenting something, and it’s something I have to embrace if I want to get better at it.

(01:39):
So I wanted to discuss how we can embrace that awkwardness and see it as a good thing to truly make the changes that we need. And I wanted to share this quote because I think it’s a great way to frame it in your mind. We crave comfort, but comfort never created confidence. Part of what builds our strength, builds our confidence, builds our ability to overcome, is pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone, ak, embracing that awkwardness. So if we want to reach a new goal, we have to realize that that is building strength, that is building our ability to embrace discomfort. We also get more comfortable being uncomfortable in more ways the more we put ourselves out there because we say, Hey, I’ve done hard things in the past. I can do this again. So talking about tips and especially five tips to help you embrace that awkward own it, see it as a good thing one, and the first thing is really to just say good with it, right?

(02:29):
I’m feeling awkward. Own it. Embrace the suck. Say, Hey, yes, this is a good thing. This means I’m actually making a change because if this felt comfortable, I’d have to question, am I doing too much of the same thing and falling back into the same pattern that I’ve always fallen back into, which has not yielded the goals that I want? So first just say yes, this is going to be awkward. When you’re looking at a change that you have to make are the habits and routines. Look at them and say, Hey, what will feel awkward with this? What is there going to be a learning process? Might I fail? And the more you own that, and you embrace that and you see it as a good thing, Hey, I am going to stumble with this. Good. It means you’re doing something new and you’re going to move forward towards your goals.

(03:09):
Then with that, realize that if there’s something that feels too awkward that you’re feeling too much pushback, pick just a small aspect of it to start with. So tracking, for example, if you are like, I’ve failed with tracking every other time. I know it’s awkward, I know it’s also something I need to do. Say, why have I failed with it? What’s one part of it that I can do that still feels a little awkward, still is pushing my comfort zone, but not so awkward. I instantly have walls come up and I turn back in one more run for the hills, right? So pick one thing. You don’t have to conquer all components of something right away. And where we see that awkward become a bad thing is when we’re trying to push too much into too many different things and we just feel overwhelmed with the changes.

(03:50):
So recognize feeling awkward is different than feeling overwhelmed with things that are different and outside our comfort zone and so far away from where we are now. It’s like you want to think about it as a journey towards your destination. Ride. A road trip, you might be pushing towards a turn that’s like six turns away and you can’t make that turn yet, but you can make the one right in front of you that leads towards it. So you want to think about how you can break down all those different steps into manageable pieces. So own the awkward first, but then also recognize, hey, am I trying to do an awkward that’s not the next step? And break things down because you don’t have to do everything at once, and that can make you have less of a barrier or wall come up against the strange that you’re about to encounter against the challenge or discomfort that you’re about to embrace.

(04:35):
Then number three, understand why you’re doing it. We prioritize what we value, end of story, and if we don’t own our priorities, they become our excuses. So if you’re thinking about making a change and you’re saying, I know I should track, but is it really worth it? Is it really good for me? Will it really help? You are not going to want to push through the hard to do that thing, but if you’re like, okay, tracking what gets measured gets managed, I have this accurate picture of what I’m eating. Oh my goodness, I could actually make smaller changes. I might not have to cut out foods I love because I could work this food in to hit my macros and still have my portions, or hey, I can actually adjust my portion sizes or not have to just only eat off this one approved food list.

(05:13):
If you can sell yourself on all the benefits of the awkward, uncomfortable habit, you are going to find a lot more value in doing it. And when the pain of staying stuck outweighs the pain of change, we embrace the change. When the pain of change outweighs the pain of staying stuck, we don’t move. And so we can’t always change the pain of staying stuck unless we gain more weight or put ourselves in a worse situation getting more injured, which we generally don’t want to do. But we can change the pain of change, which means we can break those habits down, as I already mentioned, but we can also really value them to feel like they’re more worthwhile to do because we see how much they’re going to move forward towards our goals. So break them down to find where the value seems worth it, right?

(05:54):
The effort seems worth the outcome that you’re going to get from it, but understand why you’re doing it, and if you find yourself pushing back against something really, really hard like a change, like increasing your protein, if you’re finding all the reasons why not to do it, recognize it’s probably the change that you need to make. It just feels awkward for some way, and you need to go research all the benefits to truly understand why you should value it and why you should prioritize it, and then find different ways to prioritize it. By putting things first in your day that might fall by the wayside because they feel awkward, uncomfortable, you’ll find any excuse not to do them. So find different ways to create that priority for something you don’t yet even fully value. Even if you logically value it, it’s not part of your habit or routine.

(06:33):
Then from there, set tiny goals to get fast feedback because when we’re moving forward towards our ultimate goal on losing weight on the scale, we are not going to see progress every week no matter how good or perfect we are with the habits, our body doesn’t respond that way. Progress isn’t linear and nothing works perfectly all of the time, despite our best intentions. We’re not perfect with everything, but we need to find ways to see all the clues that success is really leaving us. So that means setting small goals first. So if breaking down your weight loss journey into small, manageable pieces where you’re tracking micro progress towards your goal, instead of expecting 10 pounds overnight, but not only small mini goals within that main goal of losing one pound every few weeks, but also complimentary goals, what other ways are you seeing that your habits are paying off?

(07:19):
Is your performance in the gym improving? Are you able to do another rep with a heavier weight or even just another rep with the same weight? Does your form feel stronger? Are you feeling less out of breath? Are you getting less sore and feeling really recovered? You’re fueling properly? Are your clothes fitting differently? Are people starting to notice? Is your energy better? Are you sleeping better? Is your skin clear? Start to notice all the different clues that success is really giving you and focus on really small ones because while they seem silly or does it even matter? Yes, it does. Even the fact that maybe you’re eating more fruits and vegetables, which will improve your health because you’re getting more micros could be a benefit of you tracking and making these changes and you don’t feel the payoff right away. But that small sign of success, that small change that you’re making will pay off.

(08:03):
But the more we really recognize all those different things and give ourselves ways to see that progress really fast, the more we’re going to embrace that discomfort and feel like it’s truly worth it. We’re going to own the awkward and feel like we’re moving forward towards our goals because of it and want to do more and be able to build on it. Then last but not least, I want you to reframe the struggle and stack the proof. So this goes back to having those many goals, right? The more you then say, Hey, not only saying yes, I lost a pound, but truly recognizing that, oh my goodness, I did this. This is how this paid off, and then relating it back to the habits that you did is super key, but stack the proof. Keep a running list of all the things you’ve accomplished because we get very microscopic in our view at times and very focused on the last couple of days that we’ve done or this one weigh in, and so we say, oh, I gained a pound this week.

(08:50):
Okay, well, you’ve lost 12 overall, even gaining this pound, right? We don’t reflect that. So stack the proof and put it in a place where you can really reflect on it all the time and then reframe any struggles you have. There are going to be struggles in that, but hey, this was learning because this is awkward and new, and in the learning process you have to make mistakes. You don’t get a hundred percent on every single test right from the get go. And if you did, you studied a lot, which is a lot of work, and again, reframing the struggle if you had to put in all that work to get that a hundred percent on the test. So it’s owning that any struggles along the way are that learning process and you improving and making things better, and that’s why the results are snowballing.

(09:26):
So keep that running list of all the success that you’ve seen from all those many goals that you hit in all the different ways and all the different clues that success is really leaving you. And then reframe any struggles to be like, Hey, this is how I accomplish these things by keeping going, okay, if I’m struggling right now, where can I maybe break this habit down? Right? Again, going back to the other tips, like picking one thing and then also making sure that you understand why you’re doing it. So if I’m struggling, okay, why am I doing this? Maybe my why is actually wrong now reflecting, Hey, I thought I needed to do this because of X, Y, and Z thing, but I’m actually including too much cardio maybe, and I need to back off, or I need to include cardio in a different way.

(10:04):
Let me go research why this could be beneficial. But the more we understand why, the more we can also then see when we struggle, why something might not be working in the way we originally intended to work. So just to recap, first, normalize the suck. Embrace that awkward is part of it, and you have to go through that learning process, and just as we get older, we’ve gotten more into our comfort zone and we push it less. But if you want to reach that new and better result, you’ve got to do something new, which means being a little awkward. Pick one or two things, break those things down. Make small little changes that really meet you where you’re at, and then understand why you’re doing those changes. Also, make sure that you set tiny goals and that you’re trying to get that fast feedback on how things are working to see all the clues that success is leaving you, and then reframe the struggle and stack the proof so that you can see when things are paying off or if you’re struggling, what you might need to change and embrace that as a good thing.

(10:54):
But I want you to just think that feeling awkward with something is actually a good thing. On that note, what’s the one awkward, hard, clunky thing that you are going to embrace this week that maybe you’ve been trying to avoid because it did feel so awkward? Reflect on that. It’s probably the habit change or routine change that you need to make the most to see the results that you deserve.

 

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

Emotional Eating: Navigating Social Events

Emotional Eating: Navigating Social Events

by | Aug 7, 2025 | podcast

Listen:

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear. We can have our goals, but it can feel like every weekend we are constantly sabotaged by parties, by travel, by different things coming up, and it can feel like we’re good all week only to end up falling off. And instead of making this excuse that our weekend sabotage us, party sabotage us, we need to find a way to navigate these events. That’s why I’m super excited to be joined by Michelle, so we can talk about passing the love not the plate, and we can find ways to really reach our goals, but also navigate the big events. So Michelle, thank you so much for joining me today.

Michelle (00:44):
Thank you for having me.

Cori (00:45):
So let’s talk about this. It can be really hard when we have all these big events to find our balance because we don’t always want to be that person on a diet yet something has to change if we want to reach our goals. So how can we start to navigate food events and our goals?

Michelle (01:03):
I love that because I think right now we’re really in the season, and honestly it happens multiple times a year where you have that season where there’s reunions, there’s vacations. It’s that season where everyone kind of brings a dish season. And so lots of opportunities to fall off. And the number one thing is you have to go in with a plan. You have to set some boundaries for yourself and it can change per event. It can change for whatever’s going to really suit you. But if you don’t have those boundaries already in place, and you kind of have even practiced how some of your responses are going to be when you have someone that’s pushing a plate in front of you or trying to encourage you to consume something, we all have food pushers and oftentimes those food pushers are the people that we love. So if you don’t have a game plan set in place to even have a response for them, you’re probably going to fail. So this is something that’s going to take practice. It’s going to take, maybe go to one event and you had a game plan and maybe it doesn’t quite work. You’re going to reflect on it. You’re going to be more prepared for the next time. This isn’t a one and done. This is an adaptable approach, but you have to start with some type of a boundary for yourself.

Cori (02:18):
And I think that planning ahead is so key because it allows you to truly take ownership of also what you want. So often we think I have a goal, I can’t do this. And the mindsets and the language we use even to describe why we’re not indulging in something not only makes us want to indulge more potentially, but it holds us back from truly striking our balance or taking ownership of the choice that we’re making because as you mentioned, it will evolve. There might be a season where you say, Hey, I am not going to indulge in these different things at events because my goals are important. I need this consistency to create that change that I want to see as dramatically as I want to see it. And then at another time, you shift the focus and you do something different. But also the attitude of I’m the person on a diet I can’t have that mindset, doesn’t allow us to truly embrace the changes we actually want to make and we haven’t even planned to make. So as you’re taking ownership of what you want to do at the event, think about the language you’re really using to describe the habits you want because it’s very different to be like, oh, I’m choosing not to have this at this party because I want this balance. I’m going to work in these specific things versus, oh, I can’t have anything at this party. I need to be good. I have to be good. Right? It’s sort of that mindset too behind the actions that really adds up.

Michelle (03:30):
I love that because I really think there’s power and like you said in the mindset that you’re going about of even saying no, and maybe it’s really not a no, it’s just not now. It doesn’t mean not ever, just not now. So I think that’s something it keeps us from having this all or nothing attitude too, where if maybe you do indulge a little bit, it’s not like, oh, well I might as well go all the way because I’m off a little bit. So I do think that’s something that we need to really own is the language that we’re saying or even setting our boundaries within. So I love that you provided that.

Cori (04:07):
And we’re often so worried about what others will think of our behaviors when they only see a very small portion of our lifestyle and they aren’t going to judge us because they’re judging based on what they feel too. Their own struggles, their own successes. And so we have to take ownership of what we want to remember. Our journey will be unique. But even off of that, in assessing what you want to do, it’s not only that you might do something at a different point in your journey, but also going to different restaurants, there might be different importance. Different events might have different significance and different foods that you even enjoy. Where I can find, there’s times where I go out with family where I’m like, oh, this restaurant has healthy options. I don’t necessarily crave anything, so I’m going to do something that hits my macros.

(04:47):
Versus there might be another restaurant where I’m like, if I don’t get to have X, I will feel like I missed out, so I’m going to enjoy X. So there’s so many different ways to plan. And then even as you said, just because you do something potentially even that you didn’t plan doesn’t mean that you ruin the day. You could have gone higher protein, lower calorie early in the day to have that buffer just in case you could do something to get right back on track. Just because you get a flat tire doesn’t mean you pull over to the side of the road, right, and you slash the other three and light the car in fire and then walk away. You do what you can to move forward and learn from it. Even recognizing that that might help you strike a better balance next time.

Michelle (05:22):
Exactly. And honestly, when it comes to setting these boundaries, I think we talked about how language is important, that a boundary isn’t a forever rule. It’s really just something to provide you clarity and confidence. It usually actually reduces anxiety around these events because you’re going in with a game plan, you already have that structure put into place, you know what you may say or how you’re going to potentially turn down certain things or indulge in other things because you value it higher. So the more that you can even allow yourself that space to actually enjoy the event, by pre-planning what those boundaries are, you’re going to find that you’re going to just be able to sit better with the terms that you have provided versus feeling being at the place or being at the event or being at the family reunion and feeling the stress. This is often what I hear the most about is I hear anxiety, the stress, and if you can go in with that clarity, that confidence in your game plan, we can reduce that stress that you’re going to fill it around these events.

Cori (06:28):
And by going in with that game plan, I think there’s a few different things you’re doing. You are questioning the I deserve, right? Because we’ll say, well, I deserve to get to relax on this day. Okay, well you also deserve your goals. And sometimes to get what we deserve means also doing something that we don’t always want to do. So we have to question the language of deserve. We also have to think about worthwhile because I think a lot of times we don’t recognize, Hey, I’ve just always done this. This is a routine, this is a pattern, but is this really worth it to me? Am I actually enjoying this as much as I think I am or is it just a pattern I’ve created? And I’m kind of struggling to question that pattern because again, going back to even the example of the restaurant, there’s certain things that I realized I was just doing because oh, I go out to eat, I just get what I want versus, oh, is this really worthwhile?

(07:12):
Or would I actually enjoy the healthier thing, the more macro friendly thing, just as much, and then also feel really good because it was worthwhile for my goals. So it’s balancing all of those different things and then also recognizing who we’re doing it for because I think a lot of times we don’t recognize that we’re doing it for the other people there and their perception of us not taking ownership of the goals that we actually want to pursue. And they don’t have to live the other days in our life. They don’t have to have the struggles, the frustrations that we have. They’re only seeing this one component and they’re judging no matter what to some extent. So it’s about being true to what you want and then not even apologizing for it. Because I think a lot of times we feel the need to defend and when we defend, we end up making ourself question our own actions a little bit more.

Michelle (08:01):
Yeah, I love this because this isn’t a place where you should feel like you have to defend anything. I mean, at the end of the day, you make your choices and everyone else makes their choices or their judgments on their own behalf. And the thing is, oftentimes in the moment you may feel questioned, but oftentimes one thing that I’ve discussed with clients in the past too is when they get to their goal, how often do people do those same people that maybe were questioning or maybe you felt that you were defensive to is saying, Hey, what have you been doing? How have you gotten here? So I think that’s also something to kind of keep in mind is those same people that you may feel like you have to defend are probably going to be the same people that later down the road ask, Hey, what have you been doing? We

Cori (08:46):
Want the hard thing to achieve. And then we slightly balk at the fact that there are hard things we have to do to get there. But if you think about any great, I know you might be like, well, I’m just on a weight loss journey, but any great movie with a hero that succeeds, an athlete that succeeds, someone who accomplishes great things, there were always naysayers, people that said they were obsessive, people that doubted their actions and then wanted to repeat those same things once they saw that success as you brought up. So it is really staying true to what you want, but then recognizing that when you feel the need to defend, you’re also putting doubt in your own mind, which then makes it harder to replicate the habits that you really want, which goes back to your whole thing of you got to go in with the game plan, you got to think through all these sort of plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G, all the different mindsets that might even come up with that. Even what game plans you’ve tried in the past that you’re trying to force again in a different mold that didn’t work out and why they didn’t work out. Because it might be that the actions actually didn’t work or that the mindsets weren’t there behind them.

Michelle (09:48):
Yes, and I think, so there’s a few things to even go about establishing those boundaries, like things that you want to consider when you’re going through, whether it’s deciding what is your goal going to be? Is this going to be a day that you just don’t track? Is this going to be a day that you are going to as you put, Hey, I can actually easily hit all my macros this day and just make some tweaks along the day to do that. Is it going to be you have a calorie goal and a protein goal and that’s going to be what you focus on? Are you going to pre-plan and maybe eat a little bit more protein, a little lower carb because you plan to maybe have more carbs at the event? There’s lots of ways that you can go about doing this that is hopefully going to feel right for you.

(10:30):
And again, it can change. Are we going to limit alcohol? Are you going to to just have one drink? Are you just going to avoid the alcohol at the event? Those are all the things that you want to consider and it’s going to change from event to event, but also it’s going to help you find your balance of what’s really going to be worth it to you. And the number one thing is your goal is what you value. Not everyone’s going to see it the same way, and that’s okay. Not all of us are going to value our goals the exact same. And so yeah, you are going to be a little bit different and that’s okay, but oftentimes there’s other things that we can go about to also deflect some of the attention in these scenarios, and we’ll even cover that in a little bit as well. Well, I want to go right into

Cori (11:11):
That because I think deflecting is a very important thing to think about how you’re going to say no to something because we so often think, oh, I’ll just say no. And sometimes you know what? Just being like, no, I’m good is the right way because in any defense, any like, oh no, I’m good, I ate more earlier. That then makes us question our own decision or makes it more awkward or gives them almost room to question us because we’re introducing doubt. So sometimes yes, just saying no is good, but there’s also a lot of ways to just strike your balance and not have anybody notice. There’s been lots of times like, oh, I’ll grab some in a bit. I’m busy right now. I want to go over and talk to X person. Or before I do that, tell me this story. There’s lots of ways to change the subject, keep connection, keep the other elements that you really want there. So let’s talk a little bit about ways to navigate saying no that aren’t just direct, like, oh, no, I feel awkward. I’m saying no.

Michelle (12:05):
Yes. And I’ll be honest, I’m the queen of the deflection because I’m a major people pleaser. I have a hard time just flat out saying like, Nope, nope, I’m good. And I think one of the number one things when we are going to these events, when we’re seeing those people, and I lovingly call them food pushers, the ones that are always going to make sure you have something in your hand to eat and wanting you to try everything. And one thing that I think is important that we all understand is these people, we tend to be like, oh, they stress me out.

(12:35):
They’re not taking what I value or my goals seriously. But what is important I think for everyone to remember is oftentimes these people are the ones that love you. They’re not really trying. Their goal isn’t truly to derail you. They’re trying to love on you. My grandma was probably the queen food pusher of all times. I don’t think I ever went to her house where I didn’t have a cookie or a pie or a candy that was stuffed in my pocket or put in front of me. And when I left, you better believe she was giving me those leftovers to send home too. So you have to understand, for many people, food is a love language. So when someone pushes food, it’s not that they’re really wanting you to eat, it’s really that they’re looking for that connection. They’re trying to provide comfort, they’re trying to contribute to you in some way, and food is an easy way to do that.

(13:25):
So when you say no, it can sometimes for this person, and I’m not saying this to make anyone feel guilty, but it can feel like you were rejecting them. So even if you’re not, there’s better ways that we can actually deflect or kind of make those connections without saying yes. Because again, if you’re saying no, you’re saying yes to something. And so when we are looking at those deflections, we want to really focus on the connection because in most cases that’s what their goal is, and you can do that without food. So some easy ways to say no or kind of pass it on. So if you’re wanting to say no, is being like, oh no, I’m not going to eat right now because I want to make sure I’m helping you out. Especially hostesses, they’re the queens of this. They want to make sure everyone’s being fed, being happy, but if you can step in and be like, oh, let me help you, you’re going to do two things.

(14:19):
One, you’re getting that connection with them. This is often the time where’re like, oh, you’ve worked really hard. Let me help you out in this scenario. And you are keeping yourself busy. They may see you with food because you’re helping, you may become the food pusher and may be like, Hey, what can I get for you guys? Or Let me go grab that for you or let me go set the table. The big thing at these events is keeping your hands full with something, whether it is a glass of water, whether it is you’re helping carry things from place to place, but if you can provide that, that’s going to be useful. Or it can just be like, Hey, talk to me about this recipe. Is this a family recipe? Where did you get that? Talk to me about what you did to put this on.

(15:01):
And if you can even get them to tell the story behind the food, that’s another way that we can create that connection that doesn’t actually involve you eating. Other things are just offering, or like you said, like, oh yeah, I’m really full right now, but let me see if I can have a little bit space later. Or I would love to maybe take that I’m so full right now, I want to enjoy it. So could I pack that up and take it later? And maybe that’s something that you enjoy when it fits better into your macros. And I’ll tell you, I don’t know many people that aren’t going to be pleased to be like, oh my gosh, they took the leftover, they were so excited about this. They took some of the leftover with them. So it’s another way to compliment, and even though you may not necessarily be consuming it in front of them,

Cori (15:46):
And even if you do have to or want to say no because it’s just not right for you, right, then you can still make that connection of like, oh gosh, I knew I was coming here tonight and your thing is the best, but I have to say no, I’m doing this one program and I really want to see it through. And a lot of times even that boosts to their ego that your recognition of what you want, you feel proud of owning your goals. And they also might even be like, oh, that’s really cool that you’re doing this, but there’s no questioning then. And I think that’s the important part of it’s being firm in what you want, but setting your boundaries in a way that you can still have that connection with them. You can still enjoy the party and you don’t feel like it’s the stress of you and them kind of butting heads with different things because there are times that you do just have to say no.

(16:31):
But I think taking ownership of that is really key and you are, as you said, then speaking their love language and that you’re recognizing that their thing is so good. And also sometimes you don’t say no. I think that’s an important thing to recognize that not every time when you go to an event will you say, no, you might love that pie that your aunt makes or whatever else, and you know what you work it in. Maybe your macros aren’t perfect, you go to a calorie cap, a protein minimum. Maybe you just say, Hey, I’m being overall moderate. I know this day is going to be a little off, but it could be way worse. So I’m going to create this balance with this calorie cap, this boundary for myself. And then you say yes to having that. Because maybe for you saying no, just in general, even if you’re trying to help do these other things, at the end of the day, they’re going to hand you one or it’s just going to be too much mental friction and that will cause you more pain, more discomfort than just saying yes and even having a bite or two because that’s always an option too when we get the food pushed, having the bite or two we want to work in to create that balance.

(17:28):
But sometimes you plan it in sometimes saying no can mean saying yes to the thing, you’re being pushed because that fits your balance and that actually makes you feel better overall. But it’s owning what we want and figuring out what’s the best way to handle it, not just trying to force a mold, but that lifestyle balance. I do think part of going into some of these things is that we always feel like that person on a diet restricted, and again, it’s a mindset, but it goes back to how we’ve tried to handle things potentially even in the past.

Michelle (17:58):
And I think this is so key because so often everyone kind of puts their diet on a pedestal where it’s like, the only way I can be on this diet or be working towards my goal is if I’m here and I’m perfect all the time. So that includes this day, but they’re not looking for, they have times where I was like, I’ve heard this so often. Well, I was so good, I was doing so perfect. I really don’t care about the perfect times. When I’m looking at your food, I’m actually more looking at the times where you’re like, oh, I fell off. Alright, well let’s compare it to the last time you fell off. Did we go as bad because that’s going to be the thing that actually changes the most. Yes, hopefully we can extend those periods of time where you’re hitting your goal and more consistent.

(18:41):
And of course that’s always going to be the thing, but if we can also look at those times that really lead you to these long-term fallouts, which for most people it is these type of events, these holidays where it takes them a long time to get back on track after. If we can reduce the amount of time that you’re off track or if we can be like, Hey, yeah, you maybe didn’t hit your macros perfectly, but remember last year what happened last year? How long did it take you to get back on track? Or you went in this huge calorie binge during this time, but this year you ate moderately. That’s a win and that’s going to be where true change actually happens, and that’s going to be really what pushes that will and kind of pushes you further along and closer to your journey than anything else. So it’s not always about having those perfect days or those perfect moments, it’s truly about getting that consistency and keeping the moderation. So even when you have that off date, it’s not nearly as bad as what it used to be. I think that’s

Cori (19:44):
So key. And also not to throw a wrench in the perfect plans, but what is perfect, I think the more I started to brace that there’s always room for improvement. So technically you’re never perfect. Anyway, it took a little bit of pressure off of it and I also started to realize that by trying to force the 21 day perfect plan, the six week perfect plan A, I wasn’t owning the reality of my lifestyle, which is why I kept going on a diet over actually adjusting my diet. But I realized that over the course of the year, if I were to break down the 365 days, I actually did a lot more bad things by trying to be so good, so perfect on specific days. And so once I started to strike that balance, I started to realize that overall my lows got a lot less low and the days I was eating the way I should be eating or healthier, that actually promoted optimal health got a lot better because I didn’t feel so restricted, so I didn’t swing so much the other way.

(20:35):
So I think we have to realize that the more we demonize something, we label food as bad events or habits as bad over just saying, Hey, how can I make them better? How can I make them fit my goals more? How can I make them make me feel better? The more we start to embrace that balance. You know what, when I tried to restrict dessert, I ended up eating a whole heck of a lot more sweets and sugar and all that other stuff. Then when I was like, I like dessert and then I ended up making my desserts better, it became more negotiable on times where I went out. So you’ll be surprised by how letting go of perfect and saying, Hey, I am being perfect, even if it helps you to think you have to be perfect for yourself. I’m being perfect by owning that I’m going to have this piece of pie and that I want it and is part of my balance. I’m being perfect in creating that lifestyle balance. So also shifting potentially what perfect means. If the other viewpoint of you’ll never be perfect, it doesn’t help you, right?

Michelle (21:29):
Yeah, I love that because I think one thing that I think people kind of don’t think about oftentimes is when they’re looking at these events and the things that they’re saying no to, is the effects that that’s going to have? I mean, we talked about, okay, if you say no to that dessert, all of a sudden your food noise gets a lot higher and you may be all of a sudden finding yourself, well, I said no to that dessert I really wanted, but then your food noise gets so high that you start binging on sugar just because it’s sugar and it’s around. But you said no to that one thing, so you stepped to that plan, but your plan may have been better had you been like, Hey, that is worth it to me. I know I’m going to keep my food noise. I’m going to be in more control if I enjoy that and can move on versus I said no, and now I cannot quiet the food noise.

(22:16):
And so I see that often where people will maybe say like, oh, I can’t have this. I have to say no to that, and then they say no, but then later that food noise just gets louder and louder and louder and they eventually kind of end up binging on something else that maybe they wouldn’t have enjoyed as much. And so because it’s not the thing that they’re actually thinking about, they’re not as fully satisfied. So that is also something to consider when you are creating these boundaries, when you are considering what is worth it to you is really reflect on the past when you have tried to say no or try to avoid certain things. What was that food noise like for you after? Can you strike a balance? Is it going to be a better if you actually plan in that dessert, the dessert that you’re looking forward to keep the food noise at bay?

Cori (23:04):
I think it’s also remembering that perfect is generally a highlight reel that we’re really looking back at, and it’s usually a very specific moment or short timeframe. So when we zoom out and we look at everything else, we realized not so perfect in trying to be perfect, and I bring that up because I do think you think about a vacation or whatever else, we go to that one perfect moment in life and we don’t think about, oh, well, I actually was fighting with my spouse beforehand. Then we came back and our house was flooded. We slightly ignore when we look at the highlight reel, all the other imperfect moments and don’t realize that by finding a balance and embracing them, and obviously with life, we want to look back at the good scrapbook moments, but with our diet, we want to fall victim to the highlight reel.

(23:47):
Oh, well this worked at x time. Okay, but it worked for 21 days. It worked for one month. There are 12 months in the year. There are 365 days in the year. We don’t want to get that snapshot and only focus on that highlight reel on that perfect moment. We need to often realize that when we’re saying I have been so perfect that we’re really hyper-focused and zoomed in on only a little bit of time in the grand scheme of things. And so, okay, yes, we’re perfect for this, but how can we be perfect for other seasons, other stages, other needs, other lifestyle balances to find a more perfect

Michelle (24:22):
Balance over the year? I love that. And I know we all know this, but I’m just going to say it because I think the more we say it, the more realistic it’s is. You are also comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel. And it’s not. It’s human nature. We like to present our best. When you get online, you’re going to see people’s best highlights from those things. But this is why you also can’t compare. You may go to an event and maybe you have set your boundaries and someone else has a different boundary. Maybe there is a little bit, I don’t want to say strict, but maybe they have a little bit more boundaries aligned for that day than you do. That doesn’t make your boundaries any less. You have to stick to your own journey. So this isn’t a time that you’re trying to be just like anyone else because the one thing that is going to affect this more than anything truly is the mindset. We always say the body follows where the mind leads. So maybe you and the other person has very similar goals, but trying to compare your journey to them, it’s impossible because you have no idea what your mindset is compared to their mindset, what they’re valuing things differently than what you’re valuing. So just stick to making your own boundaries and not comparing to anyone else’s that is also at that event as well.

Cori (25:44):
Couldn’t agree more because you don’t know what deficit they’ve created, what workouts they’re doing, all the other aspects of their lifestyle to make them want to enact those habits. Then and again, even the mindsets, right? For one, having the thing at the party might create that reduced food noise, that balance, it might be worth it to them. Well, the other person’s like dessert. I don’t freaking care about dessert. Give me all the salty snacks, but there’s no salty snack, so I don’t care. Right? It’s finding your balance. And in that three to five takeaways for somebody who’s really like, okay, I need to assess. I want to find my balance because I know through the summer into the holiday season, I am going to be navigating these times and my goals are very important to me, but I need to find a balance, three to five

Michelle (26:27):
Big tips, takeaways for them. So the number one thing is actually sitting down and thinking of the things that you value and what you find worth it. And I’m talking think of the events. You’re going to think about the holiday time. What are those foods that you really are willing to spend some of that your calories on that is going to make you feel satisfied, make you feel like you’re truly part of the event as well? Consider what is going to be the best thing for you long-term when it comes to food noise. Ask yourself those questions. Think again. Consider past events when you have said no to things, what has that led to later? Maybe not that day, maybe that next day or maybe that weekend. Really making sure that you’re never using any event as an excuse. I’ve heard this so many times when it comes to boundary settings where it was like, oh, well, I wasn’t feeling well and then I felt stressed, and then it corresponded with this, well, I’m going to tell you I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have some stress around a holiday, some stress around a vacation traveling alone is going to cause stress.

(27:37):
So don’t use that as an excuse as to, so everything just went off. No. Take the time actually sit down and think of those boundaries, and I’m going to push it even further. Don’t just think, write it down and actually practice what you’re going to say. I’m sure as we’ve talked about this, everyone has thought of a relative or a friend or someone that’s pushing that drink, pushing that food, think about them and the best way to say no, whether it is just flat out no, or whether it is one of the responses of, okay, I’m going to redirect or reflect or connect with them in a different way. Consider the person in your life that that’s going to be your biggest thing that you need to address and truly sit down and come up with responses. You know, you know what that food item or drink or whatever is going to be that they tend to push on you. So truly be prepared, and as silly as it sounds, practice saying it. Practice Ashley taking the time to say it because the more you practice, the more you’re not going to feel on the spot and stumble. So that’s going to be my biggest advice when it comes to navigating these events is truly consider how you’ve done it in the past and what you would like to do for that particular event, and then practice how you’re actually going to say things. And I want

Cori (29:02):
To end on a slightly hard perspective slash not as positive a note to think about, but I think something that’s super key. If every day is legendary, no day is legendary. And also we value what we’ve fought for. Days become special because they actually are those unique special days. And a lot of times we say, oh, I can’t see results because there’s all these parties. Well, are all those parties really meant to be legendary? If you’re really giving into what you’ve always done at those points, what didn’t get you the results that you want? Are you really valuing what you’ve already fought for or would even saying no at? Some of things make you feel better about your goals, about yourself, about your vision, and even about the days then that you do feel are worth it to indulge. So it’s also really questioning yourself of like, am I just repeating a routine and habit that is easy or am I truly valuing special events and shifting that perspective? Because again, it’s really easy to just say, oh, it’s party, it’s this. But if every day is legendary, no day is actually special and legendary. So just remember that. Wanted to share that one perspective shift. Michelle, any closing thoughts?

Michelle (30:15):
No, I actually, I don’t want to even mess with that. I liked that saying that you just shared, so I’m going to keep it with every day’s legendary, no days, legendary.

 

Cori:

Well, on that note, have a fabulous rest of your week.

 

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

Reset Your Mindset (Do You Feel Beautiful?)

Reset Your Mindset (Do You Feel Beautiful?)

by | Jul 31, 2025 | podcast

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Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

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Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

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Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear. Do you feel beautiful? I didn’t ask, are you at your goal weight? Are you happy with your performance? I’m asking you if you feel beautiful in your own skin. And this isn’t an external thing, it’s actually an internal feeling. And I bring this up because we can feel beautiful at all stages and phases of our journey in life, and we should. And if we don’t, we need to take a deeper dive into what is going on inside our head. Because if we’re not pausing to appreciate where we’re at right now, as cliche as it is to say, enjoy the journey. If we’re not enjoying the journey, we’re not going to pause when we get to our goal and feel fabulous at that result.

(00:49):
We’ve worked so hard for. Yes, we do value what we fought for a lot more than what came easy to us, but we won’t see all the struggles as being worth it because we won’t ever pause to appreciate having gotten there if we’re not in the practice and habit of doing it prior. And we always think that reaching some point in life, reaching some goal will make us happy, but it’s really in the journey and in us becoming who we want to be, that we do feel more fabulous. I can tell you in my own quest to get abs, it wasn’t actually achieving abs that made me feel strong and fabulous and beautiful. It was realizing how much I could overcome. I had set this challenge for myself, and it was a challenge that was silly or vain or not that important. It wasn’t life threatening.

(01:34):
I didn’t have to do it, but I prioritize myself and my goals over other things, which for me was something I didn’t usually do. I usually put myself and my needs second. So it was prioritizing myself. It was going all in with something I thought I couldn’t achieve and proving to myself what was really possible. And through that I built so much strength. I felt so much perseverance. I felt so much resilience. I learned so much about myself that had nothing to do with getting abs. But when I actually finally got abs, I was so happy with the result. And the funny thing is they weren’t near as defined as they later would become because I wasn’t yet really fully knowledgeable in the area, but I was so proud of what I accomplished because it was something I didn’t think I could do. And I had built so much in the process, but it requires us to pause and appreciate.

(02:21):
So when I ask, do you feel beautiful? I really want you to look at the language you’re using with yourself, the mindsets you have about yourself and assess where did this all come from? Where did the self-doubt come from? Where did the talking down to yourself come from? Because if we think about how we would speak to a friend, a lot of the times we would never say those things. And we think, well, I’m being critical and being critical is good. I want to see my flaws. And yes, that’s all the case, but we have to recognize the language we’re using around those things because it’s very different to be like, oh, I’m a type A personality. And also own that or be like, I’m a type A personality. I just can’t ever let loose. There’s a difference in how speaking about our flaws that can make us feel positive about them, make us feel empowered by them, even as weird as that sounds or that can detract us from really seeing our fabulousness.

(03:09):
So I want you to take a deeper look. If you’re thinking, actually, I don’t feel beautiful, and be honest with yourself, be honest with how you feel right now. And remember, this can also change, right? We are all going to have those moments. We’re down on ourselves, what we’re doing, all those different things because we’re human. But I want you to take a look at the mindsets at the language that you’re using at why you’re doubting yourself or putting yourself down because it truly can be eyeopening. Because in building your beauty, you want to think about what is my relationship with other people? What is my relationship with myself? What is my relationship with food? With working out with all these different lifestyle factors, because so often we just keep doing some of the habits we’re doing because we’ve always done them and they seem to serve the purpose, but we don’t actually assess how are they making me feel?

(03:52):
If you don’t like where you’re at currently, your habits are what built your current situation. This is a result of all your habits prior. Your past hustle has led to your current situation. So if you don’t like where you’re at, really reflect on how these habits are making you feel. Yes, they might be easy. Yes, they might be comfortable, but are they really serving you and making you feel your best? But this assessment, as weird as it is, this reflection, which can be so hard because we’re stepping back to look at ourself and analyze our mindsets and really question where did some of the self-doubt, the self talking down to this language come from? It’s so key because that is the only way for us to realize all the really good things we have. And while it might feel like you’re sort of Pollyanna yourself, you’re thinking, but I feel like you’re faking it.

(04:38):
Even you want to say, Hey, I’m acting as if I’m a person. I want to be this person that is confident, states things in a confident way. This person that is confident talks to themself in this way. So you’re not just blowing smoke up your own butt was saying, oh, I’m beautiful. Oh, I’m this, I’m that. No, you’re looking for the things you believe and you’re also thinking about the person you want to become and all the traits that they have. And you’re telling yourself, I have these things because you’re going to prove to yourself, you do. You’re going to build them in the process of becoming that person. You can conquer so much more than you believe is really possible for yourself if you just say, Hey, I can build this strength. I can build this person because you can. But it starts with small tweaks and sort of owning where you’re at right now, even if it’s a place you don’t necessarily want to be.

(05:18):
So I would really encourage you if you had that, the question I asked, do you feel beautiful? Assess why you answered yes or no. And even all the different mindsets, language, you’re using those different things behind that and assess what beauty really means to you. What does it mean to be beautiful? It means so many different things to so many different people. But what is beauty to you? What do you want out of this life? Because again, what we want out of this life that is beautiful, seeing our own strength, that is beautiful, but I’d really love to hear how you’re doing that reflection and how you’re even taking steps to change your internal language, your internal dialogue, to be that of a friend really pushing you forward. And just remember, it comes back to acting as if you are the person you are building, because in taking those steps, you are going to become that person, but you have to believe it’s possible and that you can prove so much more to yourself.

 

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

Why You’re Not Losing Fat

Why You’re Not Losing Fat

by | Jul 24, 2025 | podcast

Listen:

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear. What if the reason nothing is working is you not stress, not the plan, not the week, but you hear me out with this because it is one of the hardest things to face. But the self-reflection is the thing that we really need if we want to reach our goals. And probably the reason we’ve been struggling to see the success we want is because we’re not facing ourselves and truly taking ownership. It is really easy to place blame on everything outside of ourselves. It’s much more comfortable. We don’t like to admit that we’re wrong, but by not taking responsibility, by not doing that hard reflection on who and what we are, we are never going to own the reality of our lifestyle, and we’re never going to be able to meet ourselves where we’re at to move forward.

(00:53):
We’re going to keep forcing ideal after ideal mold after mold program and diet after program and diet on ourselves. And we’re never going to see lasting changes because we’re going to keep going on a diet versus making a true adjustment. So the hardest thing to do, and the thing we often need to do is really take a look in the mirror and look at our lifestyle, look at who we are, look at our flaws, our past failures, look at the traits about ourselves that we even really love and use those to our advantage. But we need to take that hard look in the mirror at ourselves to be able to meet ourselves where we’re at. So if you are not seeing results, instead of blaming something outside yourself, take ownership. Take that blame and say, what could I have done differently? How did I not somehow own who and what I am to be able to meet myself where I’m at?

(01:44):
And it’s not comfortable. We want to blame all other things. That’s way easier, but that doesn’t allow us to truly take ownership of our joint journey, and that’s what keeps us stuck. So I wanted to really boil these down into some steps to take, and the first step is stop skipping. The hardest part of reflecting on who and what you are. I want you to take some time today to even write down what your current lifestyle looks like. Because your results, what you have right now is a result of all of those current habits. And maybe you’ve already started to make changes. So you have to go back a little bit to assess what you were doing before those changes. But you need to remember that your current situation is a result of your past hustle. And so what we do in change right now is going to impact our future selves.

(02:31):
So take a look at your lifestyle. What does it really look like? Think about the habits that you even like. Are those really what you need to move you forward or are doing the habits that you like keeping you stuck and not allowing you to see the results that you want, but take an honest reflection and honest look at your current lifestyle. What are the habits that you are doing on a daily basis that are building the results that you have? Who and what are you in terms of your lifestyle? And what I mean by this is think about your good traits. What are your strengths? How could those be used to move you forward? What are some of your weaknesses? How are those holding you back or fighting against some of the habits that you’re trying to implement? The more we understand ourselves and our triggers, our patterns, what cues certain behaviors, the more we can really work around those things even to move forward.

(03:19):
It’s even thinking about things that are non-negotiable for us. Think about things that you really enjoy in your life. Have you always tried to cut those things out when you’re trying to make a healthy lifestyle change? And is that part of the pushback that you’re seeing? And why you always fall back into old patterns is because you’re doing something that’s too far outside who and what you are and the lifestyle you truly want to lead. And for me, as silly as it sounds, dessert was one of these things. I always would cut out dessert first. It was high calorie. It wasn’t healthy for me, but I was someone I defined as a dessert person. I like sweet. I wanted those in my lifestyle, so I would cut them out, but it would be so short term, and I really didn’t have any thought of cutting them out long term.

(03:56):
So I never saw sustainable results. And I often felt that pushback and felt restricted so much more because of trying to make that change versus embracing, Hey, I’m a dessert person. I’m a sweet person. I want to end the night with a sweet treat. So maybe how can I work it in macro friendly variations? How can I plan in that thing I want first? How can I find this balance to work this in and own who and what I am? And this can be so many different things. It’s not only dessert, it can be bigger lifestyle factors. It can also be traits. I know that I am a planner. I like to know what I’m doing. So therefore even on times where I can’t plan, how can I plan? Because I am very type A, I like to be very meticulous with my macros when I’m trying to hit them.

(04:34):
I had that all or nothing attitude, and I’ve loosened the reign since then because I embraced that I was that way at the start, and that allowed me to not feel so restricted. It allowed me to feel more choice, which then often makes things that we think you’re even non-negotiable, more negotiable. But because I knew that and I knew as a planner and I knew if I didn’t feel like I was doing things perfectly, I would fall off. I’m like, well, how can I make myself feel like I’m doing things perfectly? So that was sometimes giving myself less to focus on or it was saying, Hey, I am planning in this buffer when I’m going out to eat so that I feel like I’m still really rocking those macros. But steer into some of your traits to evolve habits around them. But that comes first with taking an honest assessment of what your current habits are and who and what you are.

(05:16):
Then recognize that all the mistakes you made in the past are data. They’re not proof of failure. They’re not proof that you stink or don’t have enough oil power. They are just data off of which you can make better decisions if you really analyze them. So often we try and run from them. We say, well, this just didn’t fail or this just failed for us. This just didn’t work. And we think about even things like keto and we’re like, well, it was low carb. That’s why it didn’t work. Okay, well, how many other diets have not worked? There’s a common thread there, and it’s you, but it’s also you responding to that thing. So maybe it wasn’t the low carb. Maybe it was the fact that you were cutting out foods you love and have you done that even if it was lower or if it was a diet that said only eat these foods, right?

(06:00):
Where else are you creating that restriction? That was the same thing as saying, I can’t have carbs. Where ultimately you wanted the food. You didn’t know how to work it in. You didn’t know your balance, and so you fell off. Really think about your past mistakes and think about how you can a, avoid making the same mistake in maybe a different form or even be plan and prepare yourself for the struggles that will come, because there are going to be hard times no matter how much you’re really trying to meet yourself, where you’re at, because we don’t want to do what we should do all the time. Even when we slightly enjoy the habits, they become sometimes too much effort if we’ve had a stressful day, a long day or we’re tired. So really assess those mistakes to plan for them because the more you even can predict something’s coming, the more when it happens, you’re like, oh, this isn’t that bad.

(06:45):
Or you have strategies to overcome it. Or when it happens and you are human and maybe you still make the same mistake, you get back on track that much faster because you’re slightly prepared for it. Even after vacations, maybe you come back from vacation, you struggle to get back on track. So you meal prep and the first time you go on vacation, that meal prep gets you right back on your healthy habits. You’re feeling really good. Maybe one time you come back from vacation and you do that same pattern thinking, okay, this was perfect last time, and you don’t get right back to that meal prep. But instead of it being weeks, it usually is you feel like you’re starting over. Maybe you have a couple days and you’re like, okay, I have this here. I can do this. Or maybe you don’t go back to the meal prep, but you eat healthy enough and you track eating out because you want to get back to the healthy habits enough.

(07:26):
Even if you’re not fully motivated to get back to your intensive ratios, maybe you hit a minimum, but there’s always improvements that you can make by owning the past mistakes that were there if you treat them like data instead of like you failing. And again, when we make mistakes, it’s the perfect time to analyze what was off in meeting ourselves, where we’re at, where do we not notice triggers of effort, not feeling worth it even because sometimes it’s even evolving habits just to match what we need. Now with a new season, maybe tracking and doing intensive macro ratios, and we even did a mini cut before vacation felt really good, but it’s a struggle to get back to those intensive ratios right after instead of trying to force them. If we find that that just sabotages us more to want to do it even less, why don’t we come back and do minimalist macros?

(08:10):
So it’s assessing where can we feel that pushback a little bit more to even proactively give ourselves permission to step or evolve? Because I think that’s another part of the problem is sometimes we feel like we’re giving in, we’re giving up, we’re letting ourselves all the hook, and then makes it even harder to make a change, and then we pressure ourselves to try and do all of it even more, and then we end up doing nothing. Instead of saying, Hey, proactively, I’m going to just give myself this because I know this will end up creating the success mindset that makes me want to do more, but recognize that mistakes are data and then embrace even these mistakes that life is going to happen instead of trying to fix everything, so to speak. Because so often we do try to force this ideal on ourselves, which ultimately only creates worse mindsets about tools, about things like tracking.

(08:54):
We feel even worse about doing them. We feel even more restricted doing them because we’re trying to force these fixes on ourselves versus embracing what is the next step for us based on where we’re at right now. But all of this comes back to self-awareness, self-reflection. The more we can take time to pause at different checkpoints to be like, how am I progressing? What is actually going on? What could I evolve the better off we’re going to be versus just saying, oh, I didn’t hit my goal. It doesn’t feel worth it. And then throwing everything out. I know it’s really hard to do in the emotional moment, but even owning that of like, Hey, this is the pattern of self-sabotage that I have when I don’t see progress. This is what I want to do. Well, how can you then address that before you step on the scale?

(09:32):
You write out all the positive things that you are seeing. Look at your true consistency. So then you can sort of say, okay, I was consistent this week. I should see the scale change. If it doesn’t, well then what am I going to do to adjust? And that way you go in just seeing that as data versus if you just step on the scale and you feel like you’ve been consistent and maybe you even weren’t, but you didn’t look at analyze the data, then you just throw everything out. Instead of saying, oh, there is room for opportunity. I wasn’t as consistent as I thought I was, or I was off in these habits. Or Here’s room for improvement. Because guess what? No matter how good you are, how perfect you are within your macros, there’s always an area to improve. Maybe you were eating things late and it was simply that you ate closer to the time that you weighed.

(10:09):
Maybe you started a new workout progression in you’re sore so that it doesn’t even have anything to do with how perfect you were with your nutrition. But it’s like in analyzing those things too, we can also assess where our mindset is. Because effort is about mindset. These things feel like a lot of effort. It doesn’t mean that we actually made a lot of changes. And so that’s where we have to break things down and embrace even evolution in things. Embrace the failures that were there potentially, or the lack of outcome that was there to create strategies, but not just turn to how can we fix this? How can we force some mold? But all this relates back again to taking that hard look and facing yourself and really reflecting on who and what you are and what your lifestyle looks like to evolve that versus going on another program. We go on a program, we’re not truly acting as if we’re not embracing the true lifestyle change that comes with reaching a new goal. We have to focus on adjusting, not just on going on a new plan. As much as that can seem like the way.

 

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

Why You Gain Muscle Before Losing Fat (And Why It Works!)

Why You Gain Muscle Before Losing Fat (And Why It Works!)

by | Jul 17, 2025 | podcast

Listen:

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

APPLY NOW

Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear. Have you ever thought, I’m gaining muscle, but it feels like my muscle is covered by just that little bit of fluff that won’t seem to budge. I want to explain why we can actually gain muscle before losing fat, even if we’re starting on a weight loss or fat loss journey. And this all comes back to previous poopy dieting practices. Sorry to put it that way, but it’s true. Things that we even thought worked to help us lose the weight in the past might be now why we’re struggling. What do we blame instead? Our age, our lifestyle, our willpower. But often it is the previous dieting practices that have created metabolic adaptations, which are now being, yes, potentially made worse by an unideal hormone environment due to perimenopause or menopause or getting older and seeing more insulin resistance or even less ability to use protein as efficiently or even other lifestyle factors like we’re not as active.

(01:04):
So yes, all these things can compound those metabolic adaptations, but a lot of them have been created by how we’ve dieted in the past and then the way we maintain our weight. And because of this, we can sometimes see when we start to feel properly and implement these proper training and guiding practices, not to say that your things were bad, so to speak, but just potentially misguided or out of alignment with what you needed. This is why we can see ourselves gaining muscle before we actually lose weight, even when we feel like we have 50, 60, 70 plus pounds to lose. And especially with that last little bit, we might find that by gaining muscle, we look leaner. So all this can be incredibly frustrating because a lot of us come in saying, I want the scale to budge and I want it to budge down. And it’s not only not budging at all, but it’s potentially going up.

(01:53):
It’s where you can even see inches being lost, clothing fitting looser in specific areas, a little bit of tone in specific areas, but then other areas not changing at all. And often the areas we want to change the most will be the last to go. So why are we gaining muscle before we’re losing fat? It’s often because when we come in and we’re doing the proper diet practices, the fueling with macros, eating enough, yes, not under fueling and then strength training. We are giving our body all the stimulus that needs to really create that muscle growth. And through that muscle growth, we will build our metabolic grade back up. But so what’s happening is you eating potentially, let’s say 900 a thousand calories before and not losing with increasing calories, you are technically putting your body into a calorie surplus to start because your body has downregulated, other processes, it’s turned off light switches, so to speak, to save energy, and now you’re starting to turn those things back on.

(02:47):
That’s why you’re seeing that muscle come back on. But it’s also why you might see the scale go up a little bit. Things might feel a little bit tighter to start because you’re also going to be storing glycogen and water weight in the muscle tissue that you’re now building. The more muscle you have, the more storage capacity you have. So as you’re increasing your calories, which is why we like to do it slowly, because if you increase it really quickly, you put yourself into a greater calorie surplus from what your body’s functioning off of. But your body will slowly start to rebuild all those processes, turn those light switches back on, use the energy efficiently, and that’s where you might see if your hair hasn’t been growing, your hair start to grow, your nails start to grow, you might start to feel more energized, not that afternoon lull.

(03:23):
You might not wake up at three or 4:00 AM in the morning when you usually find that you do wake up, you might see your stress levels even decrease. All these things can start to change as these processes reregulate, and you start to use the calories as efficiently. And then you might even start to become hungrier as your metabolic rate increases, which might mean that you have to still boost calories. All of this allows you to then build muscle so you can see that muscle coming on while you haven’t yet lost fat because your body doesn’t yet trust that it’s getting the energy and getting it consistently, and it’s still, again, learning to use that calorie surplus. At some point though, you’ll find that you balance out, you start to see those inches really going down. And if you’re lucky, and if your body hasn’t been too adapted for too long because the length of time we’ve spent undereating under fueling, doing the improper practices potentially at our set point, the longer it’s going to take to break that.

(04:12):
But you might find that all of a sudden you are starting to now see that fat loss or the scale go down. So if you’re lucky, that’s great, but if you’ve seen the scale go up or stay still and you’re building muscle vanes and fat, this is why. Okay, so from here, once you’ve rebuilt your calories to a certain point and you’ve been doing the strength training, really pushing that progression, whether adding weights, advancing movements, trying to do a few more reps, even changing up workout designs and different tools and techniques, and you’ve been pushing that muscle growth, you’ve seen those muscle gains, this is where you can then potentially use a small calorie deficit or even adjust your macros further. So in that rebuilding process, high protein is incredibly important. Over 30% I would say is the minimum, but you might even find that in that rebuilding phase, as you’re increasing your calories, your protein is at 40 or 45%.

(04:56):
And part of that is to help avoid gaining fat in the process as much as possible as you’re increasing or putting your body into a calorie surplus before it adapts. But then that will also help you as you start to shift and even see that calorie surplus or once was that surplus become a deficit because as you build lean muscle, as your metabolic processes increase, as you’re turning on more of those light switches using more energy, that once what was a surplus becomes that deficit. So that high protein will then help you preserve that lean muscle mass. And so you want to think about really focusing on protein as you’re increasing the calories before. Then, once you hit sort of that maintenance level calories, you’ve increased ’em at least hopefully 500 from where you were. That’s where you can start to use little mini cuts where you may go into a deficit of even just a hundred to 200, which is a little less than I would usually put someone in for a big mini cut if they’d been eating at maintenance or even in a true surplus for muscle building for a while, and they’ve been at their goal weight.

(05:49):
But you might do a very small surplus for only one to two weeks, which is where the mini cut component comes in with higher protein. But that’s where you can start to use some of the fat loss once you’ve rebuilt, but you’ve got to rebuild, and this is why we can see that muscle coming on. It can be a frustrating process because we’re reversing a lot of what has happened to our body to get our body to function optimally. Okay? So if you’re seeing yourself gain lean muscle, but not yet losing the fat, I know it’s frustrating, and I know you wanted to fall back into all those practices, but that’s only going to make matters worse and worse, and your body composition become worse and worse over the years. You’ve got to embrace building that muscle first to then lose the fat, and you’ve got to embrace increasing calories to then be able to create that deficit.

(06:30):
Otherwise, you’re going to end up eating 600. You body’s going to function off of it. You’re going to have a whole host of things that you see going on that are not good. You’re not going to feel energized. You’ve got to learn to fuel. So if you’ve been gaining muscle and not losing fat, embrace that reverse dieting process, increasing those calories over time, even 50 to a hundred per week for a few weeks. And even then using that higher protein. And you can cycle macros as you stay at different calorie levels to help your body adjust. But it is a slow process. But take those progress pictures, take those measurements, celebrate success in all the other ways so that you can see success leaving clues so that you can then help yourself at the right time, go back into that fat loss phase, but not rush the process.

 

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.