Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don't want to hear. I want to talk about three little F words silently sabotaging your success and their fear, failure and feedback. So some of these are really connected, actually, I would say all of them are really connected, but these three things are often what hold us back from seeing the results that we want. And they all relate back to mindsets. It's not a macro ratio, it's not a workout routine. Even though we often go to changing those things, it's our perception of a lot of the different things we're doing and what we're willing to embrace that ultimately dictates our success or failure. So if we don't dive deep into these mindsets, we're not going to select the different habits and systems that we need, and we're really not going to own our lifestyle.

(00:49):
So starting with fear. Fear is that little voice that says, what if I screw up? What if this doesn't work? Fear comes from the unknown from a lack of clarity. And the more we can get clear about where we are and what we need, the less we're going to have to fear. Even when we think about it fear, we're thinking about the what ifs. What if this happens? What if that happens? Well, what if it doesn't? But all this comes back to really assessing where these questions you're asking that are creating this fear are coming from. Because the more we have answers to those questions, or at least have owned the questions, the less fear there really is because there feels like there's more clarity around things, that there's less confusion, there's less unknown. And one big fear we do really have is a fear of failing.

(01:36):
Now, this again, is getting that clarity around where is my fear of failure? What is failure really? Why is it so negative to me? Right? Why is this holding me back from ever getting started? And a lot of times we feel that embarrassment. We don't want to not succeeded. We like feeling good at things, right? And failure often means we aren't good at something or we weren't good at that point. But failure is part of the learning process. And the more we really assess, okay, well, where have I failed in the past and where have those failures actually led to success? The more we can flip the script, because that's where it's really important that we dive into these things. Because if we can flip the script around all three efforts, we can use them to empower us and move us forward again, with fear.

(02:17):
Flipping the script, okay, fear, I have this fear because I don't know. So how can I create something known? But also I have this fear of this unknown because this thing is something that has purpose and meaning to me. We fear things because we also want those things, right? We want that change, but then we're a little scared to do it, but we have more fear around things that are more meaningful, but then also a bigger risk. So the more we start to assess those things and realize that it's not a negative to even be fearful, the better off we're going to be. Again, with failure, failing is a part of learning. You're going to mess up because you can't just automatically know or be good at something, otherwise you'd already be doing it. Assess why failure has been such a negative, but then also see all the good that came out it.

(02:56):
The more we can also with feedback, this helps us sort of conquer the other two Fs, yet we so often run from it. We say, I mean, and I've even said this, oh, I love feedback. But then you get that little bit of feedback outside your comfort zone, and all of a sudden you're like, I don't like feedback. We put up all these walls. We instantly want to defend what we're doing, or at least I know that I do. And when I feel that coming up, I go, okay, this is probably something that I need to assess even more. So instead of seeing feedback and that wanting to defend something as a good thing or trying to justify it further, I realize that when I try and justify against feedback that I'm fighting the feedback for a reason, I need to embrace it even more.

(03:34):
But feedback really is that growth opportunity, that learning opportunity, that perspective that we often need to overcome that next hurdle if we embrace it. But we do run from it. It's hard to hear negative things. It's hard to embrace that we weren't good at something. And again, that goes back to that fear of failure. They're all three so connected, and they create this cycle where we can spiral down into negativity. We can spiral into an action overtaking action. But the more we see the positive in all three of these things, the more we can really move forward and create that success mindset. But it takes us stepping back to assess why we feel different ways about these things, and then what they really even mean to us. So thinking about how fear shows up, it's in the hesitation to answering a question, because you don't want to get the answer wrong.

(04:18):
It's avoiding starting something new, because what if it doesn't work out? Or what if you fail? Or what if someone laughs at you? It's the urge sort of to hide from the unknown and not take action. But action instantly counteracts that fear. So if you notice fear, what's one small action you can do to push into it? What are you fearing and where do you not have clarity? Ask yourself questions around, why am I fearing this? Where have I even conquered something like this in the past? To give yourself the strength or the feeling of success to want to overcome it. Really break it down and get clear on where that fear is coming from and what you can do to take one small action, because action will start to dissipate that fear. Now, diving into failure. So failure shows up as that shame spiral.

(05:02):
Oh, I'm not good at these things. I suck at these things, right? When you've had a little misstep or mistake, it's the urge to completely give up when one little thing has gone wrong. Have you ever had that where it's really not that big a deal? And usually it's on not so good days. Well, one little thing is off and all you're saying like, well, I got a flat tire and I'm just going to slash the other three and I'll light my car on fire instead of just fixing the flat. That's sort of where we see that failure spiral. And then it's also even the belief that we're not cut out for this. Oh, I just don't have something. That's where we let failure become so personal. So when we start to do these different things, when we feel ourselves sort of spiraling, when we feel ourselves saying we're not good at it, or even fearing doing something, because what if we're bad at it?

(05:40):
We need to say, but I'm going to be bad at it until I learn. And what have I learned from every failure I've had in the past? Because in that, you see how your strength has been built through what you overcome. So I really tell you, what can I learn from this if it does happen? Even think about that giving yourself again, that fear or taking away that fear because you're creating clarity of when I fail, what can I learn from that to move me forward? And you might then avoid the failure altogether. But even saying, what questions can I ask myself if I don't know what I'll learn? If this does happen, if I do fail and I don't know how I'll fail, what can I ask myself? Or how can I set systems in place to really grow from that? Because the more that we really see setbacks as a part of success instead of the opposite of it, the more we're going to grow from it.

(06:23):
And again, remember too, you have to be bad at something to get better. It's only through those repetitions and again, that action, which helps us overcome fear, but that can also help us learn from those failures and then take the feedback. So when again, feedback shows up, don't push back against it and don't start to defend it. If you feel yourself doing those things, realize this is feedback, you probably need even more. Okay? Because our urge to do that means that this is feedback that could be that perspective shift that's uncomfortable for us, so we haven't ever given it to ourselves. Okay? So then when you do have that, make sure that you're also assessing where the feedback is coming from, because not all feedback will be helpful. So assess who's giving it to you. Did you ask for it? And if you haven't asked for it, how could you actually ask for feedback from trusted sources to grow from it?

(07:05):
And then how can you turn those into learning experiences, creating more clarity so that you don't have that fear so that you can take action and so that you can move forward from failures even getting feedback specifically when you fail. And I'll also say here, so often when we failed is when we do seek out feedback, which is also part of why we then fear feedback and also don't like feedback because it happened in a negative situation. So even to help yourself overcome that hesitation from receiving feedback, go ask for feedback when you've done something really well and you've done something really well, and you're even really excited to make it better. Because a lot of times when we've done something well and we do sometimes want to grow from it, we'll even seek out information. Recognize that that's you looking for feedback. And so if you can attach feedback to that more positive experience too, where it feels like even more growth and even more excitement, then when you get feedback in a negative situation, especially from the same source, it won't feel so negative.

(07:55):
It won't feel like, oh, I'm only getting feedback because I failed. It will just be like, no, this is part of the growing experience. This is what I even do when I've succeeded. This isn't a negative, it's perspective for growth. So I want you to really take some time to reflect on these three Fs and where you've seen fear hold you back, failure hold you back, and feedback and not receiving it, hold you back. And then assess how they're all interconnected and what you can do to create more clarity for yourself so there's less confusion, and you can take action today to move forward.

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.