Suzy Welch (00:00):
The hard truth is the answer's not in you. I remember one time going to take a yoga class and some 18-year-old yoga teacher looking out at these 45-year-old women saying, "The answer is all in you and all of us groaning because you come to understand as you get older that some of the answers are not in us." Our personality is not necessarily the words we use to describe ourselves. I'm kind, I'm compassionate, I'm a good listener. Well, maybe you are, but maybe you're not. Just saying you're those things does not make you those things.

Cori Lefkowith (00:27):
On this episode of The Redefining Strength Podcast, I'm joined by Susie Welch, bestselling author, business journalist, and former today's show contributor whose insights on leadership and life have inspired millions. Susie has spent decades teaching people how to make better decisions and live more intentionally. All right. Real quick, if you're enjoying this, hit subscribe and leave a review. I read them all and they seriously make my day. They help me bring you bigger and better guests. Let's jump into these practical tools you can use today to start becoming you in the truest sense of the word. So you talk a lot about building self-awareness and I think that being strong really ties into a knowledge of self. Can you talk a little bit about what you define as strength and being strong?

Suzy Welch (01:16):
Yeah. Hi. I would say that I actually kind of maybe see it exactly opposite is that maybe what I'm hearing you say is that being strong is tied to making you self-aware, but I think that being self-aware makes you strong. Okay. I think that you have the courage to be strong and the confidence and the clarity to be strong when you are truly self-aware. Now, the problem is that everybody thinks they're self-aware. I mean, among social scientists, the great ha-ha is that self-awareness is the one thing that everybody kind of flunks on and that it's really, really hard to be self-aware. And just saying, "I'm self-aware" is not being self-aware. But when you are, and that's usually a pretty brutal process, you know you've gone through the self-awareness tunnel when you come out looking like a wreck, but when you are, you can be strong because you understand how the world experiences you and you actually understand what you're good at and what you're not good at.

(02:20):
So I think that the tie that to me, and the tie is tight, the link is tight. It is true self-awareness gives you the power to be strong.

Cori Lefkowith (02:30):
It's built through a better knowledge of self than you would say.

Suzy Welch (02:34):
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think when you know yourself very well, you can go ahead and lean into it and be strong.

Cori Lefkowith (02:41):
So how do you get to know yourself better to become stronger than?

Suzy Welch (02:45):
Yeah. Well, I think that the hard truth is the answer's not in you. I mean, I think we all love it. I remember one time going to take a yoga class and like some 18-year-old yoga teacher looking out at these 45-year-old women saying, "The answer is all in you and all of us groaning because you come to understand as you get older that some of the answers are not in us because the dirty little secret of personality is that we are not the words we use to describe ourselves. Our personality is not necessarily the words we use to describe ourselves. I'm kind, I'm compassionate, I'm a good listener." Well, maybe you are, but maybe you're not. Just saying you're those things does not make you those things. And so we need to ask the world how it's experiencing us. We cannot take our own word for it because the truth is, the truth of the human condition is everyone writes the story of their lives with themselves at the center as the hero.

(03:39):
So we all tell our life story with us as the hero, but we may or may not be the hero. So self-awareness is really hard earned. And personally, for me, when I teach Becoming You, which is this methodology I teach to get you to a place of self-awareness, we actually use a tool where people ask 40 people who know them well to evaluate them on 20 different dimensions. And it's a quick, easy tool. It takes people five minutes and then you get the anonymized results back and you find out how people are actually truly experiencing you in terms of your relationships with people, in terms of the quality of your ideas, and in terms of how well you get things done, because that's what drives everybody crazy when you don't finish what you started. So I call this pie, people, ideas, and execution. And the day where I've actually gone through this process and have people look at their results and say, "Oh, you gave me someone else's results." And I'm like, "No, I did not because this is how the world is actually experiencing you.

(04:33):
" Now look, we also give a self-awareness score on this. Some people do actually know how the world experiences them, but that's actually, that's hard earned and it takes a long time. And it's actually one of the bravest things we do in our life is to say, "Okay, I'm actually going to find out if my self-awareness is accurate. I'm actually going to ask, I think I'm this, am I? " And that's a pretty hard thing to do. So this is my very long-winded answer to your question, how do you get it? I wish I could say to you, well, ask yourself, but that's not it. You can't ask yourself because you're going to lie to yourself a lot of the time. So I want you to be strong and I want you to come from a place of really true self-knowledge, and that involves asking other people for the truth about you.

Cori Lefkowith (05:19):
Isn't there something, there's a quote that's like, it's not at the speaker's mouth, but the listener's ear, what's being said. And so it seems like we have to really reflect on how our actions are being perceived to then almost go from the end point to come back to the beginning to then adjust who and what we are. How do you begin that process of reconciling what someone else is seeing in you and who you think you are?

Suzy Welch (05:46):
Well, a lot of times those people will not actually tell you, okay? And sometimes when they do tell you, it's when they're really mad. It's like you haven't listened and you haven't listened and you haven't listened and everybody's talking about you behind your back not listening. You think you're listening, okay? You do, because that's what we think. No one ever sits around saying, "I'm a bad listener." It just, no one says that. And so then the moment you finally find out that people are experiencing you as a bad listener is when somebody blows up and says, "You never listen." And they break the friendship over it. And you want to do it before that. And so look, there are other ways to do it, and I'm sure that you have on your show talked about other ways to do it. I personally believe the only way to do it is through anonymized testing.

(06:34):
This is why my lab developed the tool so that you could get 40 people to tell you the truth and get it anonymized and find out in cold, hard numbers when it comes to how people experience you or relationships with people, this is your score, ideas, this is your score. I don't know any other way to do it. I mean, I have a few little hacks, okay? I ask people, when you see my phone number come up on your screen, what's the first word that comes to your mind? Okay. And I remember asking this to the woman who was my assistant, and I said, "What word comes when you see my ... " And she said, "Machine." And she said it in the moment and I learned a lot from that feedback. So I mean, you can try to trick people into telling you the truth.

(07:14):
A lot of times they just don't want to tell you because they love you. And we do this thing to protect people and to protect ourselves from the blowback of it and their denial. I mean, so I think this is such important data, but it's probably the hardest data in the world. And then when we hear it, you know our first reaction is not to accept it.

Cori Lefkowith (07:37):
I was going to say, how do you become more open to it and then start to translate that into actual changes to build that self-awareness?

Suzy Welch (07:44):
Well, I think that the only way to become more open to it is to get this kind of mindset that it's for your own good, that it's feedback and you're going to learn and you're going to grow and that actually, even if it hurts in the moment, your life is going to be better because of it. I'll tell you this story. My class uses this tool I described and one year, so all the students are doing it. And I said to the students that one year, "I'm going to do it along with you. I haven't done it in a while." And so I gave my tool to a whole slew of people who knew me really well. And in the slew of people who knew me well, I included my children. My children are adults. And I did that because I thought, "Well, they'll definitely tell the truth." But I made sure I gave it to all people who would tell me the hard truth.

(08:31):
And then the results came back and I remember staring at my results like I had been hit over the head by a frying pan. I thought I knew myself. I teach a class on self-awareness, okay? And what I saw was a gigantic disconnect between what I thought I was presenting to the world and what was being experienced because this was a period, this was a few years ago, right after my husband had passed away and my life was really upside down in that period, as it often is when some ... We were not surprised by my husband's death. He had been sick for a long time, but still the world gets blown up. And I thought I was really holding it together. I thought that given the circumstances, I was doing pretty well. I was really working. I was showing up for things. And what people were experiencing off of me was a sense of chaos and a sense of franticness and a sense of discombobulation.

(09:29):
But what I had thought was, "Yeah, sure, it probably looks that way, but everybody understands that I am the eye of the hurricane. The hurricane may be around me, but I'm the calm at the center of the storm." And what my feedback results showed me was I was the storm. And so after I got these results back, I called my kids on Zoom, they were all there and I said, "Can somebody please explain these results to me? " And nobody wanted to tell me. And they were sitting there like, "It's okay, mom, it's fine. We all really love you. " And I said, "I need somebody to explain this is a 40% gap in how I think I'm showing up and how I'm really showing up." And finally, my kids ganged up on my son, Marcus, because he's my favorite. I just adore him and they thought she will be mad at Marcus.

(10:14):
I mean, these kids are in their 30s, so these are not young children. And finally he said, "Mom, for the past year, we have been sending each other a meme back and forth to each other. There's a song called Here Comes the Hurricane Bitch." And they were sending it to each other every time I did something. They were behind my back calling me a hurricane. They loved me so much that no one said it to my face. And so these results finally blew it open for me. So here's the thing, I received it with an open heart. That's hard work. And I said to them, "I'm going to commit to you. I'm going to downgrade myself to a tropical storm. I promise you, just watch." And it was as easy as this. It was easy as me saying things like, "This seems like a very chaotic day, doesn't it?

(10:57):
But I've got everything under control." And so in many ways, all it was was me communicating what was going on in my mind, that it looked chaotic, but I did really feel like I had it and I did have it under control and that I just needed to express better and more clearly. And I also needed to stop more often than I was stopping, which was zero and say to people, "How are you experiencing this? Does this feel chaotic to you? Are you experiencing me as hostile right now because I'm actually not feeling hostile?" So I took the feedback and then I kind of put it into an iterative loop asking people about it. And the next year I did the test again and I had indeed downgraded myself, not just to a tropical storm, but I was sort of like a mild rainstorm. And I took it.

(11:42):
So the way you do it is first you get the data and then instead of denying ... I mean, look, I hated it when I saw it, but I didn't deny it. I just went to investigate what was going on. And then I said, "Okay, I'm committed to change. Watch me change." And I did.

Cori Lefkowith (11:57):
That's not an easy thing to do because I think so often we do see feedback as a failing on our part. How do you become more open to that feedback and not just deny it, just not put up a wall against it, but actually be open to it?

Suzy Welch (12:12):
Yeah. I mean, only you can do that. It's like there's no hack for it. It is in you. And I think that this is one of the most important things you can do in your life is to assume best intentions of other people. And sometimes when I'm start to get really mad at somebody or I start to get really defensive, I literally pull out this mantra, assume best intentions. And so when the feedback comes at you to actually say, maybe they're right. I mean, when my husband was living, he had very strong personality and he was very opinionated. And early on in our marriage, I realized that when he came at me with disagreements or very different opinions from mine, if I literally in the moment said to myself, maybe he's right, it totally changed my stance where I listened to him totally differently. I went in assuming he had best intentions and the second assumption was maybe he was right.

(13:06):
And sometimes he was and sometimes he wasn't, but my mindset changed that he was coming from a place of good intentions and that maybe he was right was absolutely life changing for both of us. And I ended up actually sort of telling him one day, "You know how when you start coming at me with something that you know I'm not going to grant and you see me smiling?" He said, "Yes, it's very endearing." And I said to him, "Well, let me tell you why I'm smiling." I said, "Because literally in my mind, I'm saying assume best intentions and maybe he's right." And he said, "I really feel it. " And so I mean, he said, "I want to do that too." And so he started doing it back to me and it was fantastic. It was fantastic. And we taught it to our kids and it's sort of how we roll.

Cori Lefkowith (13:50):
That mindset is key because I even think about it with changes where if I'm finding myself fighting against a change the hardest, trying to research all the reasons not to do it, I'm like, "This is probably the change I need the most because I'm seeking out reasons not to do it. " But that openness takes practice. How do you help people pause to be open or make that mindset shift or find that mantra that might resonate with them to see the other perspective?

Suzy Welch (14:16):
I think that the first thing is to know that you need it. You need the mantra and you need to take a beat. I mean, I just think that very early on, I remember telling my kids the best answer you can have when somebody says something to you or asks you a question and you feel sort of thrown off your stride is to say, "That's a good question or that's an interesting comment." And then the next line should be, "Let me think about it for a moment, give me a moment to process it. " Yesterday in class, a student asked me a question I had never heard before and I had 135 eyes looking at me. And this was a question I literally did not know the answer to. And I just took a beat and I said, "I've never heard that question before and I actually would really need to think about it before I answered you, but thank you for asking it.

(14:57):
" And then we went right on. And I mean, the other alternative was I would attempt to answer a question I did not know the answer for, but I took a beat. And it does take practice. It's a discipline. It really is.

Cori Lefkowith (15:08):
You're really practicing what you preach with all these things. Even that story represents you're standing still with who you are and that thought before then deciding which way to go, which is something that you talk about a lot. And I think so often we don't do, right? We just take action. We would get the survey results of who we are and then just try and fix everything versus being like, "What does this all mean?" But it's really, there's power in that pause.

Suzy Welch (15:33):
Absolutely. I mean, and I think that this is the difference between living ... I think there's three different ways to live. They all start with D. So the first way to live is default, which is exactly what you've just described. It comes at you, you react immediately, you just push through it like a machine. And then that's very exhausting. I mean, although I'm guilty of doing it for decades on end, that you just live very, very much in default. And this is typically how we live. But then it gets exhausting. It's always try to start to sprinkle some kind of intentionality on like, "Oh, I'm going to take a beat. We kind of do it irregularly." And I say that's living by deliberation. There's a little bit more intentionality going on, but the place we really want to go is living by design where we have a clear sense of ourself and our values and our aptitudes and our interests.

(16:16):
We know who we are and then we can actually be kind of proactive. Somebody says something. We've got a system that we think through. We have the discipline to not react, but to be thoughtful in the moment.That's like our life's work. I mean, this is not easy stuff. And when you see it in a young person, when I see it in a young person, I go, "Oh, how did they manage that? Because it took me decades to get to that

Cori Lefkowith (16:41):
Place." And in developing that design, how do you go about doing that in the first place? And then how do you get yourself to follow through on what you've decided is the design?

Suzy Welch (16:51):
Yeah. I mean, I think the how of it is, there's no hack to it. You just have to sign up for it. And I mean, this is why I like teaching a methodology because when students leave with the methodology, it is in their toolkit for their rest of their life. And so every time a question comes up and it says, "Okay, I know this is a question for becoming you, or I know this is a question. I have a decision making system called 101010." And I try to describe that you go around in your life with a doctor's bag or a toolkit and you reach in and you pull out your tool because the mantra in your head should be like, "I don't have to live by default. What tool do I have? What strategy do I have? I don't have to live by default.

(17:31):
Here I go again living by default. I don't want to do that. " It's just not a recipe for a life that's satisfying.

Cori Lefkowith (17:38):
I definitely want to dive into the 101010, and I feel like that is one of the tools that you have in your toolkit whenever you need, but I'm curious what other ones you would say everyone sort of needs to have on hand, because I feel like there are staples in our toolbox that we need.

Suzy Welch (17:53):
Yeah. I mean, I definitely think, look, you need a decision making system. There are 65 scientifically validated decision making systems. I happen to like the one I invented 101010, which is scientifically validated as well. So you need a decision making system. And I mean, there's a lot of different ones. And I like, besides my own, I like OODA Loop, I like Six Thinking Hats, I like decision trees, so you need one of those. And I think you also need what I call principles of practice, which are general tenets or rules you have that you can fall back on when you don't have an immediate answer like, "I believe X." So for instance, one of the principles of practice I've already talked about, assume best intentions. That's a principle of practice. You don't live by a different set of rules every day. Assume best intentions. Listen to people as if they are right.

(18:48):
I mean, these are all sort of a living rule book that we need to have. And I teach management as well, in management, my students come up with a series of principles of practice that they have to develop and present at the end of the semester.

Cori Lefkowith (19:08):
It's almost thinking about running our life like we would our job, our business to some extent.

Suzy Welch (19:13):
Yeah. Right. What could be more ... Well, I mean, I think you'll run all of those things better if you're running your own life better. I mean, I think one of the things that makes you successful at work is emotional soundness. And so if you can get your own house in order, work is going to be a lot easier. And what ends up happening sometimes is work is the sort of emotional safe place because there are rules and regulations that other people have made up for you, but you're just going to do a lot better if you have emotional soundness at work, for sure.

Cori Lefkowith (19:39):
But it's almost thinking about the rules and principles that you're living by, those tools in your toolbox as someone else setting them potentially. Because if you are thinking about self-awareness being built off of how others are perceiving you, you can then create those principles based on how they're perceiving you to then trickle back to the actions you actually need to take.

Suzy Welch (19:59):
Yes, I suppose. I mean, I think that ... I hear what you're saying. I think that self-awareness is a muscle where you understand how the world is experiencing you and it's an iterative process, okay? You end up finding out a few things about yourself and you keep on tweaking. Eventually, if you're doing it right, you're going to get to a place where you are so authentic, you understand how the world is seeing and experiencing you. I think there's other things that you can do to understand who you are that are not just around understanding how the world experiences you. You can understand what your personality type is. I'm a huge proponent of the Enneagram, and I think that this is a very important test. The problem with the Enneagram is that the current tests out there have very low accuracy. And so I don't like you taking a test and then saying, "Oh, I'm an achiever because of your test results." I feel like once you ... With my own students, when I teach Enneagram, I don't even let them take the test.

(20:54):
I just teach the personality types and then we do some exercises. But I think that knowing your personality type is also a very essential piece of operating through the world with emotional soundness.

Cori Lefkowith (21:07):
As well as what you truly value to some extent.

Suzy Welch (21:11):
Well, I mean, you have to know your values. This is the absolute foundation of my work. So my area is values and you have to ... It's so only 17% of the population can even just define what a value is, and then only 7% can name their own values. And one of the big problems is, well, first of all, we're never taught what values are, and values are very politicized, so people don't really talk about them. They're scared of talking about them. And then people mix up values with virtues all the time. And that's the biggest problem is people say, "Oh, my values are honesty and kindness." And those are just not values. Those are virtues with which everybody should have more of. Values, there's 16 personal values. Each one exists on a continuum. They drive how you show up in this world, how you work, how you play, how you relate to people.

(22:03):
And you need to know what the values are and which ones you have. I mean, this is why we developed the values bridge as a test so that it could take 22 minutes and you can find out your values. And people walk around and often say to me, there's a before and after in their life, before they found out their values and after they found out their values. You got to know so that you can say to people, you could do two things. One is, so you can know if you're living your values, which very few people are actually doing because a lot of stuff gets in the way. And so if you are, that you can talk about your values with other people in a very robust way. "Look, you're asking me to do X, but my values are Y. Let's talk about it.

Cori Lefkowith (22:40):
" Well, now I'm questioning my definition of value. So how are we defining value and what are the 16? And then how do we create that value bridge?

Suzy Welch (22:48):
Look, values are the deeply held personal beliefs and motivations that galvanize how we act. And virtues are socially accepted constructs that everybody should have more of. So values are choices and virtues are generally not choices because I don't want you choosing how much kindness you have and how much decency you have. Everyone agrees these are very, very good things. Values are, let's just take ... There's 16 values, as I said. One of the values is called family centrism. All right? This is how much you want family to be the organizing principle of your life. It has nothing to do with how much you love your family. It's about how much you want family to be deciding what you do every single day. And for some people, family is number one. And for other people, I'm from one to 16. And for other people, for 18% of the population, it's number 16.

(23:46):
It doesn't mean they don't love their family. They just don't want their family organizing their life and everywhere in between. So every one of the 16 values is on a sliding continuum. So let's take another value, achievement. This is the desire to have success other people can see. And for some people, achievement is a top value, one, two, three, five, four, or five. And for other people, I mean, we have all this data by generations. For other people in some generations, it's as low as 11 in general, meaning it's not like they don't want achievement, but it's not how they're going to organize their life. And there's work centrism, how much you want to work. People want to make it into a virtue that you have to work hard, but it's not. It's actually a choice. And if you're not hurting anybody, you should just live the values that are your values.

(24:32):
You came by them honestly by experience and we should not be judging each other on values, their choices.

Cori Lefkowith (24:40):
And when we're making a choice to live in a certain way, I think there can be sort of a disconnect between the values we think we should have and the values we actually have. And then how does that play out in who you are and how happy you are with life and how authentically you're living?

Suzy Welch (24:56):
Well, you've just hit the nail on the head. I mean, the test we have tests what you want your values to be and what you're actually living. And we call the gap between the authenticity gap. And we call it that because if you are not living your values full and on each one of the values, you get a score for how closely you're living it. So you could say your number one value could be, say, voice, which is authentic self-expression. I want to be myself, I want to be an individual, and I don't want anybody getting in the way of my authentic self-expression. And for some people, that's a very high value. And guess what? For some people, it's not a value at all. It's just they want to fit in. They value not standing out. All right. But I often see people who have voice as a very high value, number one or number two, and their authenticity gap is like 99% because they're in some kind of situation, either in a relationship or in a work situation or a family situation where they are not able to fully express themselves and 90% of the time they're miserable.

(25:54):
So I think the larger authenticity gap you have, the more unhappy you are. So we want to close the gap between our values and how much we're living them. I mean, I think we want to fully express our values. If we're not hurting anybody, we should fully express our values.

Cori Lefkowith (26:11):
But taking, and I'll say taking ownership, so to speak, owning our values, our choice is not always easy, I found. How do you help people go about really creating that cohesiveness, that authenticity with it?

Suzy Welch (26:27):
Yeah. So first, I think it's important for people to understand the four things that get in the way of us living our values. I call these the four horsemen of values destruction. The first horseman that gets in the way of us living our values is expectations, and that's usually expectations of other people. So I think it's important for you to ask yourself, am I living somebody else's life? Am I doing this job because of my parents? Am I not doing this job because of my children? I mean, I think the first thing is to take a very hard look at how much you are living for other people's expectations. And look, sometimes it's your own expectations of yourself. I have this kind of degree. I have to be doing this kind of work. I once had a student who went through the whole process and when she went through the whole methodology, it kept on showing her that she should be a Roomba teacher.

(27:12):
And she said to me, "I can't do that. I'm an MBA." And I was like, "I just am not aware of any legislation that prevents MBAs from being Rumba teachers." But it was her own expectation. So that's one thing. The other is expedience because it's hard to live our values. Sometimes if you say you have a high value of scope, that's an exciting life, a life of travel and adventure, learning, and you've got kids or you're disabled yourself or whatever, you can't ... It's hard. It's not about expectations. It's just super hard. There's a lot of friction in living our values. And so sometimes we give our values over to expedience and we just say, "It's too hard. I can't do it. " The third horseman that gallops away with our values is economic security, which is we just say, "I want to do X, Y, and Z, but I can't make enough money doing that.

(28:05):
" Only to find years later, the money didn't matter to us anyway, but we will make a decision based on money because the world tells us we should be making decisions based on money. And then finally, sometimes events just gallop away with our lives, like we get fired or we have to move or our spouse has to move or whatever, and then we kind of lose the life of our values and we don't go fight to get it back. It's almost like that somebody took it and ran off with it because of events and then we have to make this log back and it feels like it's too far in the distance for us. So I think the first thing is to just do an inventory and say, "Am I living by my values? Are these things getting in the way? Which one of it?

(28:50):
" I mean, I've taught this so many times and there are students who literally are holding up the number four at me because they're saying, "Yeah, all four have galloped away with my life." So I think that's the first step. And then I think you go value by value and see how much of the gap you can close, but you've got to know what your values are first. So once you know them, which I think is an exercise everybody should go through in their lives, you should one by one, especially with the top five values, work to close that gap as much as possible.

Cori Lefkowith (29:20):
And then it's focusing on controlling what we can control because in a lot of those four horsemen, there's a lot of things outside our control. How do you handle maybe the excuse, "Oh, well, I can't change this, so I guess I just can't live in alignment with my values in this way."

Suzy Welch (29:35):
That's right. I always say, "Really? Really? Really?" Because we will tell ourselves that, we really will. And sometimes it's true. Look, I have four children and there were certain things I couldn't do for 20 years, but looking back, there were many more things I could have done. I just was scared. I was scared of the risk. I was scared what people would say. And so I think we have to We our own governors on this one.

Cori Lefkowith (30:06):
And we have to recognize that maybe there's a way to do it just not in the way we originally thought or perceived it as being done. Because we think of things as one form. If it's not that form, then we're not living in that value, but that's not the case.

Suzy Welch (30:20):
Right. We absolutely have to have flexible minds around it and say, "Wait a minute, wait a minute. Is there another way to turn this on its head so I can get closer to my values?" Yeah.

Cori Lefkowith (30:28):
And then with values, I know you talk a lot about aptitudes. When you're talking about aptitudes, what does that mean, especially in connection with our values?

Suzy Welch (30:38):
Well, they're separate. They're totally separate. So what we do in the becoming a methodology is we figure out what your values are, then we figure out your aptitudes, and then we figure out your interests. So aptitudes are where we kind of started the conversation actually, because aptitudes are your cognitive wiring and that includes personality, including self-awareness, but it also includes cognitive aptitudes. Are you a generalist or a specialist? Are you a brainstormer or an idea processor? There's 50 different aptitudes. We only test for eight of them, but they're about how you process information and think. And you need to know that about yourself if you're going to figure out how you're going to do well in this world, because it's much better. Think about it this way. If I asked you to sign your name with your dominant hand, it feels great and you could do it all day long.

(31:27):
But if I said switch hands and sign your name, you'd be like, "This is really hard. It's really ugly." So when we're doing work or living lives that are not playing to our aptitudes, we are signing our name with our non-dominant hand. And so our aptitudes are the dominant hand of our brain. And so it's important to know what they are. And like values, most people kind of flow through life and they don't even think about aptitudes. They think about skills. And skills are great, but with AI, who knows what skills you're going to need tomorrow? It's much better to know how your brain is wired in terms of your cognitive strengths on these different ... As I said, there's 50 continuums, but eight are really the important ones. And then to know what your personality are, what its components are and how the world experiences you, those are aptitudes.

Cori Lefkowith (32:15):
I think we can fight against sometimes though what we're good at or how our brain is wired and think we should handle something in a specific way. How do we navigate that disconnect?

Suzy Welch (32:25):
Yeah, I just don't think you should. I mean, I think that if you're a generalist, a person who likes to know a little bit of information about a lot of different things, you should do work and present yourself to the world as the generalist you are and not put yourself into a job that requires deep research and focus and depth. I mean, why would you do it? I always say, if you're a generalist, you want to be the mayor of the town, but don't go take the job as the head of the sanitation department where all you think about all day long is garbage. You'll just be so bored out of your mind. So I don't know, every once in a while, I hear people tell students or tell young people, "Do such and such a job. You'll do a lot of stuff you're not necessarily good at and you'll get better at." And I'm like, "I don't know about that theory.

(33:13):
I think you should figure out what you're good at and do more of it.

Cori Lefkowith (33:16):
" It's playing to your strengths instead of just trying to always strengthen your weaknesses, so to speak.

Suzy Welch (33:21):
That's correct. Exactly. Exactly.

Cori Lefkowith (33:23):
So we're getting all this information about values, our aptitudes. With some of that, you're like, "Holy moly, what do I do with this now? How do I actually make this me? How do I become more of me? " So how do you help someone put it all together?

Suzy Welch (33:36):
Typically, what happens when people see their aptitudes, see their values, and then we do a third part of data excavation where we look at people's economically viable interests, like what kind of work calls them, what size company do they want to work at, what kind of people do they want to work with and so forth. And we put that all together and we have a process for it. It's a workshop. And then at the end, typically it pops. We also have a tool powered by AI that does it as well. But a lot of times doing the process, just as it's happening, you're like, "Okay, I get it. I get it. " A lot of times, I like the process in this way. I like the processes that you've got a job or you've got a career and it doesn't really feel right. And then you kind of use it as a screen.

(34:19):
You say, "Wait a minute, wait a minute. Is what's going wrong here my values? It doesn't match or is it my aptitudes is not a match? Or is it my interest that's not a match?" Because sometimes we're really confused about why something doesn't feel right. And then so it's not necessarily they have to sort of start with a white piece of paper. You have a life right now. Is it aligned with your values? Is it aligned with your aptitudes and it is aligned with your interests?

Cori Lefkowith (34:42):
And then it's almost taking those 1% improvements or changes that you can make. And I mean, I think it speaks to the fact that you say becoming you, not become you, right? Right.

Suzy Welch (34:51):
I know that's so true. I mean, you are always becoming. I mean, I'm still becoming every day. And so you are and you can make 1%. But other times people kind of blow the whole thing up and say, wait a minute, I've been doing this work for 20 years and it has nothing to do with my values or aptitudes. I just did it because my parents thought I should be a blank and I'm going to actually now go live the life that's actually authentic to my aptitudes and my values and my interests. And that's kind of cool to see.

Cori Lefkowith (35:17):
Yeah. It's stepping back to actually question and even interpret the impact of the decisions you're making, which going back to your 1010 framework, can you explain a little bit about that because that is key in the decision making process?

Suzy Welch (35:29):
Yeah. Yeah. So we use 101010 a lot in the methodology. So this is the decision making method that asks you to consider the decision you have to make through the lens of time and values. So you have to know your values to do it. So if you know your values, great, but so it's a very important part of the process. So what a 101010 basically says is every time you have a decision, identify the options that are available to you and then systematically look at the options and consider their consequences for better or for worse. In 10 minutes, that's the immediate future. 10 months, that's the foreseeable future. And then 10 years, the life you want to create. And then you just do that for every one of the options that you have. And then you put it through the screen of your values and which one of the decision options that you have is the most aligned with your values.

(36:19):
So it's a marvelous tool. You can do it very quickly or you can take a day into it. People do it in teams. There's lots of other decision making methodologies and I teach other ones, but I like it because when in doubt, you can 10, 10, 10.

Cori Lefkowith (36:33):
I think that even applies with some times where we're trying to make habit changes for healthier lifestyle balance where even emotional eating, right? If I have this in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years, how will this impact me and what will I really feel about this decision?

Suzy Welch (36:49):
Absolutely. That's a great application of it, for sure. Yeah.

Cori Lefkowith (36:52):
But it's all coming back to that power of the pause. Are there any other 1% changes we can make to help ourself live in better alignment, become more in touch with who we really are, live more authentically with ourselves?

Suzy Welch (37:05):
I think I've given you all the ones I've got. Okay. I think that ... Well,

Cori Lefkowith (37:09):
I mean- I'm picking your brain for everything. I want to make sure too. No, I

Suzy Welch (37:12):
Know. I know. I mean, I think we have to know our values. I mean, I think that this is the ... Look, I know there are because you've done so much beautiful work on this with all people, but the way I come at it is there's sort of two things, or two different ways. One is that you know your values, aptitudes, and interests, and you live deliberately according to them, living by design. And the other is that you make your decisions in a very systematic and transparent and consistent way by accessing those values.

Cori Lefkowith (37:37):
I love it. And I think that design is so key and we don't think about it enough when it comes to our life and our decision making protocols. So now I want to throw at you some rapid fire or not so rapid fire questions. And the first one ... I was going to say, the first one is, my day isn't complete without ...

Suzy Welch (37:55):
My dogs. My dogs. I mean, I think my dogs ... I work a ton. I love my work. I would never complain about my work, but my dogs make me stop and they live in the moment. And when I am ... I have three dogs and they make me live in the moment. So I miss them when I'm not with them. So I think that's got to be the answer. And

Cori Lefkowith (38:13):
Unconditional love. They love you like no one else does. Yeah.

Suzy Welch (38:16):
And I love them like no one else does.

Cori Lefkowith (38:18):
And then what's the biggest myth about truly knowing yourself and who you are?

Suzy Welch (38:23):
Yeah. I mean, I think we touched on it, which is that you can figure it out on your own. I mean, you can find yourself without asking other people, and how do you experience me? I think that's a shock to the system. Knowing yourself is not about going out into the desert and saying, who am I? Who am I? That's good. It's fine. It's kind of half the data.

Cori Lefkowith (38:44):
I think that's such a unique perspective and one we don't hear enough and truly so key because so much of it is just internal reflection. And then what's the hardest lesson you've learned?

Suzy Welch (38:55):
Oh my gosh. I think that the hardest lesson I learned is that forever is a very long time. And I think that that's a lesson that's shared by everybody who loses someone they love. And I think you think it's terrible when it happened and then there's sort of a moment a year later where you think, well, they're not coming back. And you learn that. And forever is a very long time. And so it's really, look, I've always been keenly aware of what loss is because of just life. But I would say that it definitely makes you love people harder. And I tell people constantly that I love them because I know the forever is a very long time.

Cori Lefkowith (39:32):
It makes you want to live very much true to yourself.

Suzy Welch (39:36):
Yes. But also it makes you want to love people so much because we don't have each other forever.

Cori Lefkowith (39:42):
It's true. And then when you need to reset or recharge, what's your go- to ritual, maybe besides your dogs?

Suzy Welch (39:49):
Yeah, no, actually I'm a prayer. I pray. I pray every single day. So that's my ... The first thing I do when I wake up and I open my eyes in the morning is I pray. And I don't know how people do without it, but that's my go- to. I mean, everybody's got something and that's mine.

Cori Lefkowith (40:05):
And then what's something that instantly boosts your mood or brings you joy?

Suzy Welch (40:10):
Gummy bears. Gummy bears. I mean, I honestly have a thing of gummy bears my desk. I mean, they do. I really love them. I have vegan gum and gummy bears. I'm a vegan, so I have them, the vegan style, which I think are actually better. So that. I think that, or there's so many things that bring me joy. I'm kind of abored in this way. I live in a state of wonder and awe all the time. So I just feel very, very filled with gratitude all the time.

Cori Lefkowith (40:38):
It's the little things though that often have the biggest impact. And gummy bears are good. I agree with the gummy bears. And then what's one piece of advice you'd go back and tell your younger self?

Suzy Welch (40:51):
I would say, Susie, it is better to be the author of your life than the editor. I think I spent a long time in my life letting everybody edit my narrative and I could have about 10 or 15 years earlier say, I'm taking this pen and I'm writing the story. I just was listening to the expectations and the expedience and all those things I mentioned earlier. So I would tell myself, "Don't be scared. You'll make mistakes. Write the

Cori Lefkowith (41:17):
Story." I love that. And I think that's a message all of us need to hear more often. Where can people connect with you to hear more great tips to help them become more of themselves, really build that self-awareness? And are there any projects right now that you're working on that really are lighting you up?

Suzy Welch (41:33):
Well, I thank you for asking. I have a podcast myself. It's called Becoming You, and I talk about this stuff all the time. I have social media at Susie Welch. I have a book called Becoming You, and I have workshops, three-day workshops where I teach becoming you. You can find all of this stuff on my website, suziewelch.com. I have a free newsletter, which you can subscribe to. I'm pretty ubiquitous, just can't get away from me. So I love it when people come into our community. I hope they do. I hope you do.

Cori Lefkowith (41:59):
And one last closing thought takeaway from our entire conversation. If people leave with one thing, what would you want it to be?

Suzy Welch (42:12):
Okay. Can I use a quote? I mean, it's Emily Dickinson. She said, "We grow not older with the years, but newer every day." And I do think each day is a chance for us to become newer and newer and continually reinvent ourselves to get closer and closer to our authentic selves. And sometimes we think we're growing older and maybe we are, but it doesn't preclude us also growing newer. And that's what my work is about.

Cori Lefkowith (42:37):
That's amazing and such a great mindset to have and one that's inspiring to want to live each day to its fullest and really pause and appreciate too.

Suzy Welch (42:46):
Thanks. Thank you. Well, it's what you're doing too, and the world is grateful for you.

Cori Lefkowith (42:51):
Well, thank you, Susie. This was amazing.

Suzy Welch (42:54):
Thank you so much. Thank you.

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.