This may be the most important video for your fat loss and muscle gains ever and you're going to want to skip it because it doesn't have a macro tip or a training protocol. It's not a quick fix. It's not sexy. But someone dropped this comment on one of my lives recently and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. [music] So the comment was, "What is the best way to gain trust and confidence within yourself if it has been broken so many times in the past? How is this time going to be different? Is it all mindset work? The self-t talk is wild. And I realized this is the question underneath every question I get about recmp. Not what should I eat or not how should I train, but how do I trust myself again after so many failed attempts have convinced me like I can't do this? Because you can have the perfect plan and still self-sabotage if you don't trust yourself enough to see it through. So go for a walk. listen as you meal prep or get comfy on the couch because by the end of this, you're going to have three keys to rebuilding that trust so that this time you actually see your hard work pay off. So number one, I want to dive into this and this one is one that is going to feel really awkward, but it's stack the small wins. There are often times where we see a habit change or a requirement for a plan or a little shift and we think, "Oh, that's too easy. I can do more." And then we stack all these 15 bazillion different things on ourselves and then we ultimately fall off and we go, I don't have the willpower. Well, instead of doing that this next time to prove to yourself that you can conquer things, start with something simple. It might feel feel really silly to be like, oh, I'm going to go have a sip of water right now. But what you don't recognize is all those little things, all those times you do what you're supposed to do, they add up. That is the proof that shows you that this time will be different, that you can do things. And as you build that momentum, you conquer more and more and more hard things and they don't feel as hard because you've built up to them. Stepping up onto the second step when you've stepped on the first is a lot different than trying to just jump straight to the second step. Like if you think about box jumps, if you've stepped onto the lower box right next to the higher box and then can step up from that box, that's a lot easier than just trying to jump onto that higher box. So the more we can actually stack that proof in our favor, even if it's things that you're like, well, this seems ridiculously easy, it's still a win. And the more you do, the more you do, the more momentum you've built. So I can't speak highly enough of instead of going to I have to do this plan perfectly. I have to do six days a week. I have to hit my macro ratios and these like hard protein numbers. Like maybe you don't do the mini cut to start, right? Maybe you just start with I'm adding 10 more grams of protein to my first meal. Maybe you start with the I'm doing three workouts and 10 minutes during these three workouts three times a week. Those little wins where you show yourself I can do this. I can build that momentum in that direction. That's how you keep going. That's how you make it ultimately work because you're raising those minimums. So often we look at how can I be more perfect during the perfect times when really it's the not so perfect times that sabotage us. If we can say, hey, how can I do something during those imperfect times and make it so silly simple that there's like no thought as to really being able to succeed with it, the more we can stack proof in our favor that we can do the habits required, that we can make the changes required. You've got to stack that proof because all you've done to to date is basically stack proof that you can't necessarily conquer things, that you can't go all in with a plan. And so instead of trying to keep doing that same mistake, shift your focus to those 1% changes. Number two, realize that those failures aren't proof that you can't do something. They're you learning all the ways that things didn't work and they're part of what will make the next thing work if you choose to reflect on them. So all those things aren't you showing yourself you can't do something. They really are proof that you can to some extent. It's just that you haven't found the right system based on where you are right now, the mindsets that you have. So it's also flipping the script a little bit on how we're defining success and failure but also seeing that the next thing can work if you choose to learn from that. So after I've done something and I can tell you I've done a lot of programs that I really ultimately didn't like that you know hindsight being 2020 maybe I wish I hadn't done but then I also never think that way because I'm like well that's what led to me finding the next thing in the learning experience that I had. And so sometimes finding things that didn't work that you don't like are what help you set you on the correct path. If you make a wrong turn, probably if you go that route again, you're never going to make that wrong turn because you remember that you made that wrong turn so you stay more on track and you don't get off of that exit. So, it's recognizing that all those mistakes can help you highlight the correct path, but you have to dive into them. And that's where we're often really bad at doing this. And I can tell you, I used to run from my mistakes all the time. I'd try and sort of shove them away as fast as I could and not think about them instead of saying, "Okay, why didn't that work? What was my mindset at the time? what was going on in my life, what other things could have made even potentially a correct macro ratio or correct workout not really feel sustainable for the time that I was in. Because so often it wasn't even that one of those systems was wrong. It was just wrong for the mindsets we had or the time that we had or it was right for the period when we started it, but then we never owned the evolution in say our work schedule, our family life to evolve with those different things or to shift as our hormones shifted or as our age shifted or as injuries came up or health concerns popped up. So it's we also get this like it's right or wrong, not it was right for then but it's not right for now. So I would urge you if you feel like you've stacked a lot of proof that you can't do something, go into those failed attempts and really assess them because in assessing them that's what will make the next attempt work. So it is shifting that focus and and I think it was even the story of Edison with the light bulb, right? I found all these like thousand ways not to make a light bulb and that's why he ended up making it. you assess any successful person, you're going to recognize all the failures they went through in order to get to that success. And often if you were to tally up everything, the list looks very skewed in favor of the failures, but all you need is that one success, right? And it comes out of all those learning experiences. So, I actually wrote down a few questions that I think I go through when I'm doing the assessment of what didn't work before to help me find the next thing that will work and make sure that the next plan does work to some extent knowing that it's not going to work in one form forever, which is where we also cling to things too long. So, again, reflection, right? But like what did each of the failed attempts truly teach me? And not just like, oh, I did keto and I like carbs. Okay, keto was another form of me restricting things when it's actually a food I want to include long term instead of learning how to balance that in. That's what backfired. Oh, I cut out dessert and every time I want dessert, so it's not just dessert, but it's like how do I work in something that I enjoy and not make that the first thing that I cut out knowing that that instant restriction is going to make me more focused on the fact that I'm restricting, feel like I'm using more willpower, and ultimately sabotage myself because it feels unsustainable, especially as I get stressed or other lifestyle factors change. So, what did it truly teach me? Why did it fail? Did it fail because it was actually working and then something else in my life shifted that I didn't own? Did it fail again because I was trying to force a short-term strategy on a long-term plan? What was off? Was it me not owning who and what I was? Was it me trying to force something that my body was actually resisting? Where was the failure actually coming from? And then what did my life even look like then? So often we go back to even things that worked in the past, not recognizing now that our life is different. And that's where we can get really frustrated because we're like, well, this used to work and it doesn't now. But you had a different lifestyle. Maybe you were single and meal prepping in a specific way versus now you have a family. Maybe now you're retired and want to go out to eat more and travel more than you were when you were raising kids. All these different things can dictate different habits in different forms and we need to own that. So it's like looking at what was your lifestyle like then when the failure even happened or even the plan succeeded and what's happening right now in your life to make something fit or not fit. Then how are things different now which ties into that and what mindsets did I have that could have impacted whether or not the habits worked for me? I had tried tracking in the past. Had I only stuck with what I had felt like was a failure with it, I would never have tried it again and I would never be seeing the success that I see now and the balance that I have. But I assessed how I used it in the past and that helped me separate the mindset from the tool to understand how the tool can now be implemented in a different way instead of just restricting and cutting out when I'm tracking. How can I see tracking as a way to add more things in to fuel more to make sure that my portions are in line but also know that those portions will change but not create that restriction mindset with the tool because the tracker wasn't judging. I was, but I had to separate out that mindset in order to be able to use the tool tactic habit in a way that actually served me. Where could the system have been off? I think that's another key thing that we don't assess. Six workouts a a week might be great for you in one season but not fit another. And so if you try and force that same schedule at a season where you're too busy for that, where maybe you're a little bit too stressed, maybe where your body is even craving more rest because it's, you know, being more active throughout the summer or whatever else, so the workouts are actually too much activity on top of it. If we don't assess where the system is breaking down and how pieces might not be fitting together, we can really sabotage oursel and jump ship on something that's actually working, which is why we then feel like nothing works for us. We lose trust in oursel. So start to assess like is it even that I'm overtraining or am I undereating? Am I not getting enough sleep? Where are things breaking down? Because that allows us to do that assessment of why things failed in the past so that we can make this next attempt successful. And I think when you start to do this reflection, you start to see all the opportunity. And that's again where you can create that trust, that belief because you are doing hard things. You're conquering hard things. You're proving to yourself each time too that you have the hope and the strength to get back up. And we don't recognize that enough. That that long list of failures and it will be longer than the successes, but it's what leads to those successes and your ability to get up each and every time should make you want to trust yourself because you won't give up. And that's why you can have hope. Next, why is this new plan different? or how is this new plan different? So often we don't think about it and that's why we even keep repeating the same plan that failed in the past and we keep ourselves stuck feeling like we're never just going to be able to overcome it. But it's because we're actually repeating the same thing just packaged in a different way. So assess how the new plan is actually different because you might find maybe this one isn't and you have to go in search of something else. And that's what will help make the next attempt something you can trust yourself with that you will succeed at. And maybe that next attempt it's going back to what I said with number one of it's making small changes. So this time you actually build the momentum versus putting an elephant in front of yourself and saying eat it and you're like well how the heck do I conquer this whole massive thing, right? I think so often we see something as like we have to like bash our head into a brick wall to break the brick wall down versus trying to walk a few feet over and realizing there's a door. So it's something of we have to assess why those things failed again to move forward. And a lot of times it is that we didn't break things down into manageable manageable bits to build that momentum. And then even with the new plan, like is it actually different? And what potential downfalls does it have that may relate to past failures? What things might trigger the same pattern? Where might you hit that same hard? The more we recognize this again, the more we make that next attempt successful. So with number one, we're breaking things down into small changes that build the momentum. With number two, we're recognizing that all those failures are what will lead to this next time being successful if we assess. And finally, the last thing that I want to go over, uh, key number three to really seeing success is borrowing confidence. And this one sounds weird, and it was out of my own reflection of how much having support, how much having this reflection, how much having people I went to to bounce ideas off of and gain perspective from really paid off. But I think so often we don't borrow confidence. Instead, we actually try and guilt ourselves into doing it on our own, lonewolfing it. We put all this pressure on. We should be able to do it. I know all this stuff. I've done it in the past. Okay. Well, again, you've done it in the past, but it's not working now, which means something is off, which also means that there's some little little bit of trust because uh like trust lost because you lost it in the past. So, I would say borrow confidence. Sometimes we need that community around us. We need that support system. We need that coach who can give us confidence in the system because they have the experience. They can see what we can't see. They can even tell us, I know you. I know the struggles you've been through. they can highlight all the things that we're struggling with. They can look at it from a different vantage point. And I actually use this analogy and I like it, so I hope it resonates with you. But I think of it as the the progression in our car system to help us see the blind spots to drive without accidents more. Maybe it means I'm a bad driver. But in cars, there used to be no signals, right? You had a lot of blind spots, but you only had your side view mirrors, your rearview mirror. You try to turn your head to look around. Now, when you think about cars, there's all these beeps and alerts. There's all these different cameras. There's all these different ways to show you all your blind spots. So, you're a lot safer and a lot more able to avoid accidents if you're paying attention. Hopefully, you're not texting and driving, but that's the same thing as having that outside perspective and that borrowed confidence. You can feel a lot more confident that you're seeing every angle because you have all that data. That's what a coach can do. So, shameless plug for my coaching. I am going to put a link to the application in both the show notes and the video description. But, I think so often we're hesitant to actually borrow confidence from somebody else who's done it, from a program that gives us the outline, from a community around us. Instead, we feel like that is weakness or we feel like we should be able to do it on our own. We need to ditch that attitude because I can tell you if you really do an assessment of why things have failed in the past, it's probably that we were trying to go it all alone and that we couldn't see where we were focused on the perfect plan versus the perfect plan for us right now where we couldn't see the evolution that was needed and we kept trying to throw willpower and discipline at it. So if you are feeling like you can't trust yourself, if you are asking that question of what is the best way to gain trust and confidence within yourself if it has been broken so many times in the past, how is this time going to be different? Is it all mindset work? Yes, to some extent it is all mindset work, but it's mindset work in that you're taking action, but you're taking it strategically. You are reflecting on why things failed. You are recognizing that those failures lead to success. You are congratulating yourself on your ability to have that hope and see opportunity that the next time can be that thing. But then you're stacking those wins and giving yourself proof of your ability to overcome by making them s like super silly simple to start. And then you're even borrowing competence from a plan, from a community, from a coach so that you can make this time different because only by making this time different can this time ultimately be different. We've all heard change requires change. Yet we actually resist the changes that get us there. So, if you are finding yourself falling back into the familiar, if you are finding yourself not trusting yourself, take that risk this next time and make it different by using these three keys. And again, I'm putting that link to apply to my coaching in the show notes and video description because I just can't say enough about having that support to kickstart, give you that perspect perspective, that mentorship in what you need to get you going. We deserve to have support. We deserve to believe in ourselves and trust in ourselves. And that often comes from someone else showing us the way because they become an expert with 10,000 hours or more in that field. And that allows us to also not have to use the mental capacity for that when we're spending it so many other places. Because so often our excuses stem from our priorities. That's why they feel very valid. It's why they often derail us. And so the more we own those priorities and all the other ways that our life demands our attention, the more we can find support so that it takes off a mental load in areas that we don't need to be expending it. So I would love to hear if one of these really hit home or if you've been struggling with that lack of selfrust to even give you that fist bump and that support, give you a little borrowed confidence. But I would definitely like to hear if there's one of these that you're like, I am going to run with this today because I know this is so important for me.
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