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4 Tips To Create The Life You Want (Act As If)

by Cori Lefkowith | Aug 21, 2025 | podcast

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Change Requires CHANGE

If you’re feeling stuck and know deep down that you could be doing better, don’t wait any longer. Your life is not going to change until you take action and make a bold move towards your goals. If you’re ready to take control of your life and start moving towards the results you want let us help you achieve your goals. ⬇️

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Change Requires CHANGE

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Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear, stop faking it till you make it act as if. So on the surface, these two phrases sound very similar, but there’s a big difference in how we mentally and physically embrace them. When we say to ourselves, fake it till we make it, we’re pretending to do the habits. We don’t actually believe we’re becoming the person who has that lifestyle, who has those goals. When we say act as if we’re thinking about the ultimate person we need to become and the ultimate lifestyle we need to live to have the goals we want to have and to reach the success that we want to reach. And then we’re just taking actions to become that person. And that’s the really key component. When we’re working towards a goal, even something that might seem vain or silly or not as serious in our life, we are becoming a new person.

(00:55):
When you are working to get leaner, you are going to have to do the habits, the lifestyle of that person who is lean. Now, that doesn’t mean go look for some influencer online and try and replicate their exact lifestyle because that will not be what fits you. You’re not trying to force yourself into a mold, but you are thinking about your current habits and how they might have to evolve and how your identity might have to evolve to be at that goal. And if you think about even leanness as the example when you’re going to a party, there might be times you choose not to indulge in the way you’ve always indulged, especially at the start of your weight loss process. But then at some other point you do or maybe you realize that hey, me, always trying to restrict myself when I’m going to this party, trying to force a mold of some ideal I saw on some influencer’s story is actually holding me back from embracing the lifestyle that balance that I want so that I can have the recomp, but also the lifestyle that I know I ultimately want to lead.

(01:48):
So it really is this process of acting as if you are creating a new identity to some extent, and that can be sort of scary when we think about it. It seems like this huge shift. Are we losing ourself? But we’re not. And if you really think about most of our life growing up, we’ve seen the biggest growth. We’ve been open to changing and a little bit more fluid and flexible with who and what we are. We’ve changed styles, we’ve changed haircuts, we’ve done all these different things. We’ve explored who and what we’re really meant to be. And at one point, that’s a good point, a good thing that we should be doing. And at some point it becomes something that’s sort of frowned upon. We should know ourselves better, we should have the set identity. And that’s where we stop seeing growth really happen and we ultimately hold ourselves back.

(02:29):
We sabotage ourselves believing that we have to be this one way. And part of it is the things that have worked for us in the past, things that either even others peers have told us, the people around us have convinced us that we need to do even things that we feel the societal pressure to do. But at some point we have to question, am I being true to myself and the goals that I want? Because every goal matters if it matters to us because we ultimately have to live with ourselves. We are the only one that does. We’re committed to ourselves for the rest of our life. So I want to talk about how you can act as if to really reach your goals and give you four tips. And tip number one is embrace the discomfort and show up Anyway. Making changes is hard because what feels sustainable right now, what feels comfortable right now is what we’ve simply always done.

(03:11):
The patterns that don’t take any willpower, that don’t take any thought, that don’t take any self-control. If you were to reflect on a lot of the things you do, you kind of run on autopilot. Even some of the self-sabotaging behaviors, there’s a pattern of X thing happens during the day. You have this emotional response and this mindset. You come home, you put your bag down the same spot, you walk in the same number of steps basically to the kitchen cabinet. You open in the same way. You grab things out in the same way you put on the counter, grab it, right? There’s this whole routine pattern that you’re unconsciously repeating. And so in order to change that pattern, you have to not only put in behaviors and actions, you want to do change mindsets, but you have to recognize it’s even happening as soon as possible, which is hard.

(03:49):
It’s unlearning as you are learning, but this is what drives that acting as if. And so even more than thinking about, I don’t want to do this pattern, think about the pattern that would be helpful for you if you’re stressed out, what would be a helpful thing to do? Because the more we think about those actions of the person we want to become, the more we embrace growing into them and we see opportunity, it feels like something we’re choosing to do over something we have to do. And we’re not beating ourselves up with guilt over the old identity even creeping in because guess what? No matter how much you act as if, no matter how much you become, no matter how many years down the road, and I say years for a reason, if you think about the transformation in a lot of time from school, you’ve been at school, college, high school four years, and that’s the time it takes to really shift identity at least.

(04:29):
And the call to the old identity is always there because it’s something that was easy or comfortable or good for a reason. But we have to recognize that there is this push and pull and that what we need to do to make a change will not feel easier or comfortable or sustainable often to start because it’s not what we’ve always done unconsciously. It requires that conscious effort to not only unlearn but learn. So there will be discomfort in that change. And the more we embrace that and even see discomfort as a good thing, meaning that we are exhibiting growth, the better off we’re going to be. And again, it’s not seeing growth or change as a negative, which we do, especially with identity. It feels like, oh, I don’t know who I am or I feel all these peer pressures. No, act as if really see that lifestyle you want to build and then embrace that discomfort and do it anyway, seeing that as a good thing.

(05:11):
And then tip number two, set identity driven habit goals. So often we think about goals as I want to lose weight, so I want X weight on the scale. I want these measurements, even performance goals. It’s like I want X amount of pull-ups. I want to be able to do race in this time. What about all the achievement that there really is in the habits you’re repeating? So if you think about it, if you want to become the person that has this lifestyle balance, that rocks those pull-ups, what are the habits you need to do in order to get there? Celebrating those habits is really key. And not only, okay, yes, I need to change my workouts to do that, but how are you fueling to feel your best? How are you recovering to feel your best? All these things are going to be shaping your identity.

(05:49):
And the more we even embrace that these things are shaping our identity because they’re changing our lifestyle and probably even going to require some changes in our environment, the better off we’re going to be. But we should set goals that are habit driven, that are changing our identity. So hey, okay, I want to go to the gym five times a week, and I really struggled to get a routine. Okay, so going back off of that, instead of just saying, I want to go to the gym, and that being the habit of I was good or bad because I went to the gym, which I again can create guilt. Think about how do I get myself to go to the gym? Okay, I shift my environment, maybe I put out my gym clothes, maybe I put my gym bag on the front seat of my car.

(06:21):
So after work I see it right there and I have to go, how can you shift your environment and then celebrate even just that shift in environment, maybe the first time you don’t go with the bag there, you still make the excuse, but then the next day you feel a little bit more of a twinge of, okay, I have to go. There’s no reason not to. And then that sets the pattern in place. So really celebrate those other changes in the shift in your environment, in the shift in your identity, not just the eventual outcome. Because those daily things that don’t feel like they’re adding up, they are. And often because we see ourselves every single day, if you look in the mirror, you’re looking in the mirror every single day. You don’t notice all the changes that are accumulating. That’s why someone else can be like, oh my gosh, have you done something different?

(06:57):
And you’re like, I look different. So really celebrate and even set those habit identity driven goals. How are you shifting your environment? How have you even reflected on who you want to become and really are implementing all the lifestyle factors to get there, celebrating that will keep you consistent. It’ll make you feel good because we also have to remember that momentum is built, motivation is built off of momentum and success snowballs. The more you do, the more you do. So we really want to think, how can I create this success mindset? And you will feel successful doing something uncomfortable because you’ll be proud of yourself and see your own strength on the days you don’t want to work out. And you do, you feel a little extra good about it, right? But then you’re also doing a habit that is identity driven in doing that.

(07:39):
Hey, I’m the person that is disciplined in doing this no matter what. So the more we celebrate that, the better we feel better ourselves, the stronger we feel, the more confident in our abilities, the more we’re acting as if even the person we need to be and the better our results are going to be and the faster often. Tip number three is create minimums. So you always move forward. Really, our lifestyle is built off of things we do consistently, and they’re very small things often yet. So often when we approach reaching a goal, we make these dramatic lifestyle shifts. We go on a plan, we force some world over evolving our lifestyle. And then I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought this, I’ve seen other people write in about this or even say this to me, where they’re like, oh, if I can’t be perfect with a plan though, why do anything?

(08:22):
And if you think about that mindset, it goes back to the flat tire analogy that I love to use. That’s like getting a flat tire pulling over to the side of the road and being like, well, I can’t go anywhere. I might as well slash the other three. We would never do that. It’s ridiculous. But when we think about our nutrition plan, we think, oh, well, I can’t be perfect with it. AKA got a flat, so why do any of it? I’m going to slash the other three like the car and fire and walk away. But really what we need to do is say, okay, well how can I fix this situation or do as much as possible to get moving forward as fast as possible? Maybe you don’t have a spare in your car and you have to call aaa. Okay, well, at least I’m taking action to move forward.

(08:54):
It’s still something that is a positive in the right direction. So we have to remember that something is always better than nothing. And the more we can embrace those minimums, the more we’re meeting ourselves, we’re at. Even if you think about it as boxes, right? Let’s just say you could jump up onto that tallest box a few times, but at some point you’re going to get too tired. You can’t keep doing, you’re going to injure yourself even. And then you can’t do anything. Versus if you started stepping up into the smaller box and then you got a little stronger, you could step up into the second box and then maybe even from there, you could cheat and step up in the second box and then go to the third from the second box. But these are a little hacks so that you’re ingraining these patterns.

(09:28):
You’re really building who and what you are. Because we have to recognize too that we see more of that pushback, that pain pushback, the more we push that comfort zone. So the more we can ease in, let it slowly expand, the better off we’re going to be. So just remember that the more you go all in, the more you push back against those changes you’re going to get. So the less you do, if you’re just doing a small habit change, a 1% improvement, the less pushback against that you’re going to get. And ultimately the easier it will be to continue to do that. And then off of that one, when that becomes normal, think about all the other little things you can add. And again, the more you do, the more you do. And all of a sudden these things feel a lot more sustainable.

(10:04):
You feel really excited by the changes. And so you feel like you’re choosing to do more over feeling like you’re restricted or deprive or having to do something, something you should do. So just remember that those small changes add up a lot more, and that’s really how we see that identity evolve. That’s how we act as if, okay, so if my ultimate lifestyle is X, maybe I can’t do all that right now, but what’s the first turn from my current location towards that destination? Not what the last turn is, but what’s that first turn that can really help? Then tip number four, take full ownership. Ultimately, whether you succeed or fail, it’s up to you because no, you can’t control everything that happens in your life, but you can always control your perspective of it. Do you see it as obstacle or opportunity if you fail, if you hit a hang up, if something happens that you have to navigate around, you choose whether or not you navigate around it or you turn back.

(10:56):
That’s it. And the more we take ownership and almost place blame on ourself for everything that happens, the more agency and empowered we become, the more agency we get and the more empower we ultimately become. And this is so key to recognize because I think we think of fault and blame as negatives. Like, I’ve been bad, I’ve done something wrong. No, by saying, oh, this was a mistake. How can I correct it? We can learn from it. We are being more empowered because we’re giving ourselves an even recognizing our own strength. We’re giving ourselves confidence in our ability to conquer anything that comes our way. So the more you can take full ownership, that’s part of acting as if faking it till you make it. You’re kind of saying, oh, well, I’m pretending to be this other person, and if these things don’t work out, whatever, acting as if it’s being like I am going to be all that I want to be.

(11:40):
And that’s taking ownership of your journey. You have this one life to live. Give it your all. See what you can accomplish. Take on challenges. Recognize that growth and evolution are a good thing, because honestly, whether or not you know it, whether or not you’re choosing to, you are changing because every force in life, everything that’s happening is changing you. I mean, your skin is changing right now. Your age is changing, right? We see the signs of aging. You are changing. What we want to do is control the direction of that change as much as possible. And that comes from acting as if and embracing that we are constantly evolving our identity to help ourselves reach our goals. And that comes then back to the minimums We set, the daily actions that we do and celebrating those as wins to help us keep going. So I want to encourage you, how can you act as if who is the person you want to become that has the goals you want to have? And what are small changes based on where you are right now, not where you wish you would be, not where you want to be, but where you are right now that can help you start on that path towards being that person? Because the more you take those actions, the more you become that person, the more you see your strength, the more you see your confidence, the more you really rock those results.

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

10 UNSEXY Tips That Will Change Your Life

by Cori Lefkowith | Aug 17, 2025 | Blog, Diet, Exercises, Mindset

You want to look lean and strong and feel amazing and conquer any challenge that comes your way?

That means doing extremely unsexy, boring, basic, even tedious habits, you don’t want to do DAILY.

And I’m going to share 10 lessons I’ve learned to help you value and stay focused on the unsexy habits that lead to the sexiest of sexy results.

Starting with number 1 which is…

What you LIKE isn’t always what you NEED.

We like what is fun. What makes us feel good. What is comfortable.

This is often what we’re used to and what we’re doing currently.

But a new goal, a new phase of life, may dictate new habits that feel uncomfortable.

You have to embrace new habits to see a new result.

Success means some sacrifice.

To get a result that you like may mean doing some things you don’t enjoy as much.

You may not like brushing your teeth for example but you like not having cavities.

So step out of just seeking habits you like and instead take a look at your goals.

What is needed to be the person with those results?

Those habits you need drive you forward and often the longer we do them, the more we like them especially because they are a part of how we feel our most fabulous!

Lesson #2: You can only train as hard as you can recover from.

We talk about overtraining a ton. But a better way to truly address what is going on isn’t to think of it as just our training. Because it’s not.

We’re not overtraining so much as we’re under recovering.

We can do more in our workouts if our fueling, mobility work, sleep are all on point.

Too often we just adjust our training over taking a look at these other areas of our lifestyle.

So if you’re feeling burnt out or seeing your performance decline, start to look at how you’re recovering between sessions over just feeling like your workouts need to change.

Because one of the biggest reasons we start to feel like we’re under recovery is we aren’t fueling properly for performance or for recomp.

We’re so focused on eating less as we burn more calories that we sabotage our metabolic health.

Which brings me to lesson #3: Eat more for fat loss.

This can be a harder one to embrace as we constantly hear how weight loss is about calories in vs calories out.

Eat in a deficit to lose.

And while yes, a deficit is key, more isn’t better.

Slashing our calories lower doesn’t yield results faster.

It’s also often what leads to us quickly feeling deprived, restricted, miserable and like we don’t have the willpower to truly make lasting changes.

It’s why we may see the scale drop to start only to end up regaining more weight shortly after.

Create a small calorie deficit off of what you’re currently eating. Only even 100 calories to start.

This small change will be sustainable and while it won’t lead to the scale dropping 10lbs overnight, it will lead to you actually looking leaner and staying leaner while feeling fueled and energized.

Not to mention, you can’t stay in a calorie deficit forever!

Once you lose the weight, you do have to work to increase your calories and maintain your metabolic and muscle.

So you can’t just focus only on calories in vs out and starving yourself more.

It’s why macros really matter. Sucks but it is true.

And not only do they matter, but so often FEAR of one holds us back from making the changes we need.

Lesson #4: Don’t fear a macro.

Carbs won’t cause you to gain belly fat. Fat won’t make you fat either.

Yet too often I see one or the other of these macros demonized.

But if we fear carbs when we’re super active and slash them super low, we can not only end up feeling horrible but we can see ourselves gaining weight as our metabolism slows and we create thyroid issues.

And fearing eating enough fat can also have negative ramifications, sabotaging our hormonal health, metabolic rate and ultimately our body recomp.

We need a balance and we need to embrace that our balance with macros will shift not only as we progress toward our goals but as our body, activity level, workouts and even lifestyle evolve.

Want to build more muscle?

You may need to increase carbs from what you did to lose fat.

Going through menopause?

You may see yourself become more insulin resistant and need to increase fats.

Be open to evolution.

And that’s why Lesson #5 is Nothing is a set it and forget it lifestyle.

So often we start a diet or new program and instantly want to convince ourselves, “This is a lifestyle!”

But we won’t do one thing forever.

And while we want things to feel good and “sustainable” whenever possible to meet us where we are at, often to start changes don’t feel easy or like a lifestyle.

True changes that yield results aren’t often comfortable as we’re doing something we’ve never done.

And over time we will have to tweak and adjust further. Our body, needs, goals, lifestyle will all change therefore our diet and workouts will need to as well.

Even maintaining your results will mean adjusting your habits at times and setting little mini goals to keep you motivated.

So instead of searching for a forever fix, realize this is a forever process.

Constantly search for little ways to improve and set new goals to help yourself stay consistent with the habits.

And often when making changes it is hardest to embrace the ones that have the least obvious quick payoff…Like including that 3-part prehab process and mobility work daily.

So often we just want to get to the good stuff in our workout, especially when we’re short on time.

But a proper warm up is truly the secret to better results faster.

That’s why Lesson #6 is Do the boring mobility work DAILY.

Foam roll. Stretch. Activate.

Do this 3-part prehab process for even 5-10 minutes daily and you’ll be amazed at how much you keep those aches and pains at bay.

Too often we wait till things have added up to address them then are frustrated when we can’t train the way we want or see injuries holding us back.

The more we let the build up occur, the more we have to dig ourselves out of a hole.

Better to not dig ourselves the hole in the first place.

Prehab is better than rehab.

Do this 3-part process every warm up and even just a bonus 5-10 minutes on days off and you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel and how much you avoid sidelining yourself with aches and pains.

And if you’ve been blaming your AGE for you aches and pains?

Take a look at your mobility work.

This little bit of time committed consistently can help you move and feel your best…and even see better body recomp because you’re able to train intensely each and every session!

Then Lesson #7: Stop placing blame outside yourself.

You can’t control everything that happens.

And there will always be something you can’t do or don’t have.

There will always be life trying to get in the way.

But there is also ALWAYS a way to still move forward.

The key is accepting responsibility even when something isn’t your fault.

When we just blame our lack of results on something outside ourselves, we don’t focus on what we can still do to move forward.

Don’t have weights? You can still build muscle through other forms of progression.

Don’t have much time to meal prep? You can still find healthy restaurants or quick reheat options.

There is always a way if we focus on controlling what we can control to see opportunity in the options over just viewing everything as an obstacle.

Lesson #8: Don’t tie habits to your identity.

I mentioned in Lesson #5 that constantly tweaking and evolving is key.

This is easier said than done though as habits become routine and learned behaviors we don’t even realize we’re repeating at times.

Especially when we start to define ourselves in some of our habits and even find a community around a certain way of training or eating.

And while our habits do shape us, if we fully define ourselves by them we won’t let them shift as our body, needs or goals change.

This ultimately can lead to us feeling like we’re working super hard not to see progress…

Or we may even find ourselves sliding further and further away from our goals as we cling to what used to work.

Who we are constantly evolves. Allow your habits to change too.

Our identity shifting isn’t a bad thing – it’s growth.

And we should ALWAYS want to grow as that leads to us feeling and looking our most fabulous till our final day on this planet.

Lesson #9: Slow down to speed up.

When we want results as fast as possible, we often try to make as many changes at once as possible.

We adjust as many habits as we can.

And that’s not a bad thing.

Until life throws something at us where our best laid plans go sideways.

At times like this, often we end up doing nothing because we can’t be perfect.

But this all or nothing attitude keeps us stuck in a loop of constantly starting over to never really see progress snowball.

Instead we have to realize when inching forward is still forward.

Sometimes during busy times of year we can’t do 6 workouts in a week. Instead of doing nothing, do 3.

While this may not feel perfect, this slow down in our habits ultimately keeps us moving forward so in a month or even a year we’re way further along than we would have been otherwise!

And finally the key to it all…

Lesson #10: Track track track track track.

What gets measured gets managed.

Plain and simple.

Part of tracking is having that accurate picture of what we’re doing to adjust off of so we aren’t just guessing at what is and isn’t working.

But another part of tracking is that we have to have a clear plan in place to give us direction.

When you have your GPS and roadmap laid out, you can track your progress on your journey and see where you are at.

You can see if you’ve taken a wrong turn even to help yourself get back on course quicker.

But if you have no idea of what you’re doing or where you are, you’re always basically guessing at what works.

This is what leads to us feeling like we’re working super hard to get nowhere!

Direction drives us!

And the more we track, the easier we make it to constantly evolve our goals and make the lifestyle changes we need.

So track what you’re doing and embrace that constant habit evolution to continue to learn and grow and feel your most fabulous till your final day on this planet!

Ready to build your leanest, strongest body ever and feel your most fabulous?

Schedule a coaching consultation today!

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Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

by Cori Lefkowith | Aug 14, 2025 | podcast

Listen:

Change Requires CHANGE

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Change Requires CHANGE

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Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey. Even the stuff you don’t want to hear, you feel awkward. Good awkwardness with a new habit or routine is a sign usually that we are making a change that we need to reach a new and better result because you can’t do what you’ve always done and expect to reach a new goal. Yet what is really comfortable is simply what we’ve always done and become used to. And we don’t recognize that when we’re young and we embrace that learning process. We don’t really think of the discomfort with things because everything to some extent is new. But at a certain point in our life, we’re doing a lot fewer new things, and so we get really comfortable with our habits and routines and some of them become so mindless we don’t even recognize we’re doing them.

(00:46):
And because of that, anything new introduced does feel really uncomfortable, a little bit awkward, and that strangeness to us makes us question if we’re doing it right. We also don’t embrace being bad at something and that learning process, which is often awkward, we can feel like a giraffe on roller skates and we push back against that versus when you’re always feeling like that, you don’t think about it so much. So that’s why as we get older, we start to see awkward as a bad thing, but if we don’t go through that learning process, we’re not going to make habit changes that we need because we do have to slightly evolve our lifestyle, evolve our identity if we want to reach a new and better result. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt awkward with things like even doing a new form of video, doing the podcast for the first time, all of these things I had to learn how to do, and I felt really awkward and bad doing even sometimes now I feel awkward or bad with a new way of presenting something, and it’s something I have to embrace if I want to get better at it.

(01:39):
So I wanted to discuss how we can embrace that awkwardness and see it as a good thing to truly make the changes that we need. And I wanted to share this quote because I think it’s a great way to frame it in your mind. We crave comfort, but comfort never created confidence. Part of what builds our strength, builds our confidence, builds our ability to overcome, is pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone, ak, embracing that awkwardness. So if we want to reach a new goal, we have to realize that that is building strength, that is building our ability to embrace discomfort. We also get more comfortable being uncomfortable in more ways the more we put ourselves out there because we say, Hey, I’ve done hard things in the past. I can do this again. So talking about tips and especially five tips to help you embrace that awkward own it, see it as a good thing one, and the first thing is really to just say good with it, right?

(02:29):
I’m feeling awkward. Own it. Embrace the suck. Say, Hey, yes, this is a good thing. This means I’m actually making a change because if this felt comfortable, I’d have to question, am I doing too much of the same thing and falling back into the same pattern that I’ve always fallen back into, which has not yielded the goals that I want? So first just say yes, this is going to be awkward. When you’re looking at a change that you have to make are the habits and routines. Look at them and say, Hey, what will feel awkward with this? What is there going to be a learning process? Might I fail? And the more you own that, and you embrace that and you see it as a good thing, Hey, I am going to stumble with this. Good. It means you’re doing something new and you’re going to move forward towards your goals.

(03:09):
Then with that, realize that if there’s something that feels too awkward that you’re feeling too much pushback, pick just a small aspect of it to start with. So tracking, for example, if you are like, I’ve failed with tracking every other time. I know it’s awkward, I know it’s also something I need to do. Say, why have I failed with it? What’s one part of it that I can do that still feels a little awkward, still is pushing my comfort zone, but not so awkward. I instantly have walls come up and I turn back in one more run for the hills, right? So pick one thing. You don’t have to conquer all components of something right away. And where we see that awkward become a bad thing is when we’re trying to push too much into too many different things and we just feel overwhelmed with the changes.

(03:50):
So recognize feeling awkward is different than feeling overwhelmed with things that are different and outside our comfort zone and so far away from where we are now. It’s like you want to think about it as a journey towards your destination. Ride. A road trip, you might be pushing towards a turn that’s like six turns away and you can’t make that turn yet, but you can make the one right in front of you that leads towards it. So you want to think about how you can break down all those different steps into manageable pieces. So own the awkward first, but then also recognize, hey, am I trying to do an awkward that’s not the next step? And break things down because you don’t have to do everything at once, and that can make you have less of a barrier or wall come up against the strange that you’re about to encounter against the challenge or discomfort that you’re about to embrace.

(04:35):
Then number three, understand why you’re doing it. We prioritize what we value, end of story, and if we don’t own our priorities, they become our excuses. So if you’re thinking about making a change and you’re saying, I know I should track, but is it really worth it? Is it really good for me? Will it really help? You are not going to want to push through the hard to do that thing, but if you’re like, okay, tracking what gets measured gets managed, I have this accurate picture of what I’m eating. Oh my goodness, I could actually make smaller changes. I might not have to cut out foods I love because I could work this food in to hit my macros and still have my portions, or hey, I can actually adjust my portion sizes or not have to just only eat off this one approved food list.

(05:13):
If you can sell yourself on all the benefits of the awkward, uncomfortable habit, you are going to find a lot more value in doing it. And when the pain of staying stuck outweighs the pain of change, we embrace the change. When the pain of change outweighs the pain of staying stuck, we don’t move. And so we can’t always change the pain of staying stuck unless we gain more weight or put ourselves in a worse situation getting more injured, which we generally don’t want to do. But we can change the pain of change, which means we can break those habits down, as I already mentioned, but we can also really value them to feel like they’re more worthwhile to do because we see how much they’re going to move forward towards our goals. So break them down to find where the value seems worth it, right?

(05:54):
The effort seems worth the outcome that you’re going to get from it, but understand why you’re doing it, and if you find yourself pushing back against something really, really hard like a change, like increasing your protein, if you’re finding all the reasons why not to do it, recognize it’s probably the change that you need to make. It just feels awkward for some way, and you need to go research all the benefits to truly understand why you should value it and why you should prioritize it, and then find different ways to prioritize it. By putting things first in your day that might fall by the wayside because they feel awkward, uncomfortable, you’ll find any excuse not to do them. So find different ways to create that priority for something you don’t yet even fully value. Even if you logically value it, it’s not part of your habit or routine.

(06:33):
Then from there, set tiny goals to get fast feedback because when we’re moving forward towards our ultimate goal on losing weight on the scale, we are not going to see progress every week no matter how good or perfect we are with the habits, our body doesn’t respond that way. Progress isn’t linear and nothing works perfectly all of the time, despite our best intentions. We’re not perfect with everything, but we need to find ways to see all the clues that success is really leaving us. So that means setting small goals first. So if breaking down your weight loss journey into small, manageable pieces where you’re tracking micro progress towards your goal, instead of expecting 10 pounds overnight, but not only small mini goals within that main goal of losing one pound every few weeks, but also complimentary goals, what other ways are you seeing that your habits are paying off?

(07:19):
Is your performance in the gym improving? Are you able to do another rep with a heavier weight or even just another rep with the same weight? Does your form feel stronger? Are you feeling less out of breath? Are you getting less sore and feeling really recovered? You’re fueling properly? Are your clothes fitting differently? Are people starting to notice? Is your energy better? Are you sleeping better? Is your skin clear? Start to notice all the different clues that success is really giving you and focus on really small ones because while they seem silly or does it even matter? Yes, it does. Even the fact that maybe you’re eating more fruits and vegetables, which will improve your health because you’re getting more micros could be a benefit of you tracking and making these changes and you don’t feel the payoff right away. But that small sign of success, that small change that you’re making will pay off.

(08:03):
But the more we really recognize all those different things and give ourselves ways to see that progress really fast, the more we’re going to embrace that discomfort and feel like it’s truly worth it. We’re going to own the awkward and feel like we’re moving forward towards our goals because of it and want to do more and be able to build on it. Then last but not least, I want you to reframe the struggle and stack the proof. So this goes back to having those many goals, right? The more you then say, Hey, not only saying yes, I lost a pound, but truly recognizing that, oh my goodness, I did this. This is how this paid off, and then relating it back to the habits that you did is super key, but stack the proof. Keep a running list of all the things you’ve accomplished because we get very microscopic in our view at times and very focused on the last couple of days that we’ve done or this one weigh in, and so we say, oh, I gained a pound this week.

(08:50):
Okay, well, you’ve lost 12 overall, even gaining this pound, right? We don’t reflect that. So stack the proof and put it in a place where you can really reflect on it all the time and then reframe any struggles you have. There are going to be struggles in that, but hey, this was learning because this is awkward and new, and in the learning process you have to make mistakes. You don’t get a hundred percent on every single test right from the get go. And if you did, you studied a lot, which is a lot of work, and again, reframing the struggle if you had to put in all that work to get that a hundred percent on the test. So it’s owning that any struggles along the way are that learning process and you improving and making things better, and that’s why the results are snowballing.

(09:26):
So keep that running list of all the success that you’ve seen from all those many goals that you hit in all the different ways and all the different clues that success is really leaving you. And then reframe any struggles to be like, Hey, this is how I accomplish these things by keeping going, okay, if I’m struggling right now, where can I maybe break this habit down? Right? Again, going back to the other tips, like picking one thing and then also making sure that you understand why you’re doing it. So if I’m struggling, okay, why am I doing this? Maybe my why is actually wrong now reflecting, Hey, I thought I needed to do this because of X, Y, and Z thing, but I’m actually including too much cardio maybe, and I need to back off, or I need to include cardio in a different way.

(10:04):
Let me go research why this could be beneficial. But the more we understand why, the more we can also then see when we struggle, why something might not be working in the way we originally intended to work. So just to recap, first, normalize the suck. Embrace that awkward is part of it, and you have to go through that learning process, and just as we get older, we’ve gotten more into our comfort zone and we push it less. But if you want to reach that new and better result, you’ve got to do something new, which means being a little awkward. Pick one or two things, break those things down. Make small little changes that really meet you where you’re at, and then understand why you’re doing those changes. Also, make sure that you set tiny goals and that you’re trying to get that fast feedback on how things are working to see all the clues that success is leaving you, and then reframe the struggle and stack the proof so that you can see when things are paying off or if you’re struggling, what you might need to change and embrace that as a good thing.

(10:54):
But I want you to just think that feeling awkward with something is actually a good thing. On that note, what’s the one awkward, hard, clunky thing that you are going to embrace this week that maybe you’ve been trying to avoid because it did feel so awkward? Reflect on that. It’s probably the habit change or routine change that you need to make the most to see the results that you deserve.

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

Forget 10,000 Steps! Here’s How Many You REALLY Need

by Cori Lefkowith | Aug 10, 2025 | Blog, Exercises, Functional Fitness, Workouts

A new study came out saying that you don’t need 10k steps. It says you only need 3,800. But what does this number mean and is it too good to be true?

I want to share why you may still want to build toward a 10,000 step goal and the difference between “minimums” and “optimal” when talking about recommended amounts.

I also want to discuss the different benefits at specific thresholds as you increase your steps.

Because the short answer is, no you don’t need 10,000…to survive. But 10k+ steps may still be best for your performance and fat loss goals especially.

There is always nuance to things.

Like the 3,800 steps a day goal. That is to reduce your risk of death.

But is your goal just “not dying?”

It’s like the protein RDA…

The RDA for protein is around 0.8g/kg bodyweight.

That’s just enough to prevent deficiency.

But that’s not enough to build serious muscle, especially as we get older, or optimize health.

The same thing goes for this new step goal.

That being said, that doesn’t mean 10,000 is a magic number where all your fitness goals will magically be achieved.

And you may now be thinking, “Where did the 10,000 step goal even come from? What study said that?”

Well actually there is no scientific basis for this amount.

Yup. This number we all just accepted as fact accidentally became a mainstream solid goal after the distance became popular in Japan in the 1960s.

There are two overlapping stories as to how this number came to be….

One is that 10,000 steps a day started as a successful marketing campaign in Japan to promote physical activity ahead of the 1964 Tokyo Olympics. It’s rumored the number was chosen because the Japanese character for 10,000 resembles a person walking.

The second is that the number became a more solid widespread goal in 1965 based on a Japanese pedometer company “Manpo-kei” which literally means 10,000 steps meter.

Either way, the number has no scientific basis.

However, shooting for this daily goal may have it’s benefits.

That’s why I want to discuss the different thresholds that research has found and what it means to hit each…

Let’s start with around that new recommended amount of 3,800. The 2k-4k steps a day range.

In this range research has shown a slight reduction in mortality risk and that it is “better than being sedentary.”

Note “better than being sedentary.” This is really a minimum to avoid negative health consequences.

And do you really just want to avoid bad health?

Now in the 4k-6k range we start to see a more moderate reduction in all-cause mortality.

This shows us that there are times that doing more than the “minimum” does yield better results and start to even help us thrive.

At about 7,000 steps is where we see the biggest benefit and reduction in mortality risk at about a 40-50% improvement.

But we also start to see no further specific health only benefits going over this amount.

So if we’re talking optimizing just mortality risk, this number seems to be it.

If this is the case, why go up to 10k?

Are you really just only walking to lower your risk of death?

Or do you have other fitness goals?

Are you looking to lose fat? Improve your metabolic health and increase your metabolism? Are you looking to improve your conditioning and recovery for performance goals?

For all of these reasons, 10,000 steps a day may be still be your goal.

Above 7,000 the benefits are fat loss and performance based.

Walking more will improve your endurance and cardiovascular fitness.

It will improve your insulin sensitivity to help you lose fat, which can be especially helpful during menopause for fat loss and overall health.

And, it is often that secret weapon for fat loss we don’t implement.

More steps means more calories burned daily which helps with fat loss while not beating us down like intensive training sessions or requiring us to eat less.

Also, unlike intensive training sessions, walking is less likely to increase your appetite and hunger levels while increasing your calorie expenditure.

It can even help better regulate appetite and aid in digestion.

And it can help with recovery and stress management both of which pay off for performance and fat loss goals – not to mention OUR HEALTH!

So more steps, may just be what you need to reach your goals and THRIVE.

Now if you’re looking at your step tracker thinking, “Well great. I’d love 10,000 steps but I’m barely getting 1,000 right now…”

Don’t fear!

Small changes add up!

Set a starting goal of even just 1,000 more steps. Plan in two 5 minute breaks to get up and walk around to hit it.

Challenge yourself to do that for 2-3 weeks and build from there.

As you feel good with those changes and even see other results happen, like inches being lost or changes on the scale, add more.

The more you allow yourself though to have a starting goal that’s doable, the more you’ll feel the win of success just from increasing your steps and want to do more!

Over time you can build further.

Even consider different step goals on different days! If weekends are less busy, why not shoot for more?

The key is meeting ourselves where we are at to make changes.

But also, let’s not just accept doing the minimum at time. Let’s not settle for just not dying.

Let’s seek not just to survive but thrive!

So while that new study shows us that we can improve our health even just through adding a few more minutes of movement, we don’t want to ignore the benefits that shooting for 7-10,000 steps can have for our health and our goals.

4,000 steps may keep you alive, but 10,000 could be what you need to see the recomp you’ve been dreaming of!

Optimize your workouts and your diet to build your leanest, strongest body at any age…

–> Schedule A Coaching Consultation Call

Emotional Eating: Navigating Social Events

by Cori Lefkowith | Aug 7, 2025 | podcast

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Transcript:

Open Transcript:

Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear. We can have our goals, but it can feel like every weekend we are constantly sabotaged by parties, by travel, by different things coming up, and it can feel like we’re good all week only to end up falling off. And instead of making this excuse that our weekend sabotage us, party sabotage us, we need to find a way to navigate these events. That’s why I’m super excited to be joined by Michelle, so we can talk about passing the love not the plate, and we can find ways to really reach our goals, but also navigate the big events. So Michelle, thank you so much for joining me today.

Michelle (00:44):
Thank you for having me.

Cori (00:45):
So let’s talk about this. It can be really hard when we have all these big events to find our balance because we don’t always want to be that person on a diet yet something has to change if we want to reach our goals. So how can we start to navigate food events and our goals?

Michelle (01:03):
I love that because I think right now we’re really in the season, and honestly it happens multiple times a year where you have that season where there’s reunions, there’s vacations. It’s that season where everyone kind of brings a dish season. And so lots of opportunities to fall off. And the number one thing is you have to go in with a plan. You have to set some boundaries for yourself and it can change per event. It can change for whatever’s going to really suit you. But if you don’t have those boundaries already in place, and you kind of have even practiced how some of your responses are going to be when you have someone that’s pushing a plate in front of you or trying to encourage you to consume something, we all have food pushers and oftentimes those food pushers are the people that we love. So if you don’t have a game plan set in place to even have a response for them, you’re probably going to fail. So this is something that’s going to take practice. It’s going to take, maybe go to one event and you had a game plan and maybe it doesn’t quite work. You’re going to reflect on it. You’re going to be more prepared for the next time. This isn’t a one and done. This is an adaptable approach, but you have to start with some type of a boundary for yourself.

Cori (02:18):
And I think that planning ahead is so key because it allows you to truly take ownership of also what you want. So often we think I have a goal, I can’t do this. And the mindsets and the language we use even to describe why we’re not indulging in something not only makes us want to indulge more potentially, but it holds us back from truly striking our balance or taking ownership of the choice that we’re making because as you mentioned, it will evolve. There might be a season where you say, Hey, I am not going to indulge in these different things at events because my goals are important. I need this consistency to create that change that I want to see as dramatically as I want to see it. And then at another time, you shift the focus and you do something different. But also the attitude of I’m the person on a diet I can’t have that mindset, doesn’t allow us to truly embrace the changes we actually want to make and we haven’t even planned to make. So as you’re taking ownership of what you want to do at the event, think about the language you’re really using to describe the habits you want because it’s very different to be like, oh, I’m choosing not to have this at this party because I want this balance. I’m going to work in these specific things versus, oh, I can’t have anything at this party. I need to be good. I have to be good. Right? It’s sort of that mindset too behind the actions that really adds up.

Michelle (03:30):
I love that because I really think there’s power and like you said in the mindset that you’re going about of even saying no, and maybe it’s really not a no, it’s just not now. It doesn’t mean not ever, just not now. So I think that’s something it keeps us from having this all or nothing attitude too, where if maybe you do indulge a little bit, it’s not like, oh, well I might as well go all the way because I’m off a little bit. So I do think that’s something that we need to really own is the language that we’re saying or even setting our boundaries within. So I love that you provided that.

Cori (04:07):
And we’re often so worried about what others will think of our behaviors when they only see a very small portion of our lifestyle and they aren’t going to judge us because they’re judging based on what they feel too. Their own struggles, their own successes. And so we have to take ownership of what we want to remember. Our journey will be unique. But even off of that, in assessing what you want to do, it’s not only that you might do something at a different point in your journey, but also going to different restaurants, there might be different importance. Different events might have different significance and different foods that you even enjoy. Where I can find, there’s times where I go out with family where I’m like, oh, this restaurant has healthy options. I don’t necessarily crave anything, so I’m going to do something that hits my macros.

(04:47):
Versus there might be another restaurant where I’m like, if I don’t get to have X, I will feel like I missed out, so I’m going to enjoy X. So there’s so many different ways to plan. And then even as you said, just because you do something potentially even that you didn’t plan doesn’t mean that you ruin the day. You could have gone higher protein, lower calorie early in the day to have that buffer just in case you could do something to get right back on track. Just because you get a flat tire doesn’t mean you pull over to the side of the road, right, and you slash the other three and light the car in fire and then walk away. You do what you can to move forward and learn from it. Even recognizing that that might help you strike a better balance next time.

Michelle (05:22):
Exactly. And honestly, when it comes to setting these boundaries, I think we talked about how language is important, that a boundary isn’t a forever rule. It’s really just something to provide you clarity and confidence. It usually actually reduces anxiety around these events because you’re going in with a game plan, you already have that structure put into place, you know what you may say or how you’re going to potentially turn down certain things or indulge in other things because you value it higher. So the more that you can even allow yourself that space to actually enjoy the event, by pre-planning what those boundaries are, you’re going to find that you’re going to just be able to sit better with the terms that you have provided versus feeling being at the place or being at the event or being at the family reunion and feeling the stress. This is often what I hear the most about is I hear anxiety, the stress, and if you can go in with that clarity, that confidence in your game plan, we can reduce that stress that you’re going to fill it around these events.

Cori (06:28):
And by going in with that game plan, I think there’s a few different things you’re doing. You are questioning the I deserve, right? Because we’ll say, well, I deserve to get to relax on this day. Okay, well you also deserve your goals. And sometimes to get what we deserve means also doing something that we don’t always want to do. So we have to question the language of deserve. We also have to think about worthwhile because I think a lot of times we don’t recognize, Hey, I’ve just always done this. This is a routine, this is a pattern, but is this really worth it to me? Am I actually enjoying this as much as I think I am or is it just a pattern I’ve created? And I’m kind of struggling to question that pattern because again, going back to even the example of the restaurant, there’s certain things that I realized I was just doing because oh, I go out to eat, I just get what I want versus, oh, is this really worthwhile?

(07:12):
Or would I actually enjoy the healthier thing, the more macro friendly thing, just as much, and then also feel really good because it was worthwhile for my goals. So it’s balancing all of those different things and then also recognizing who we’re doing it for because I think a lot of times we don’t recognize that we’re doing it for the other people there and their perception of us not taking ownership of the goals that we actually want to pursue. And they don’t have to live the other days in our life. They don’t have to have the struggles, the frustrations that we have. They’re only seeing this one component and they’re judging no matter what to some extent. So it’s about being true to what you want and then not even apologizing for it. Because I think a lot of times we feel the need to defend and when we defend, we end up making ourself question our own actions a little bit more.

Michelle (08:01):
Yeah, I love this because this isn’t a place where you should feel like you have to defend anything. I mean, at the end of the day, you make your choices and everyone else makes their choices or their judgments on their own behalf. And the thing is, oftentimes in the moment you may feel questioned, but oftentimes one thing that I’ve discussed with clients in the past too is when they get to their goal, how often do people do those same people that maybe were questioning or maybe you felt that you were defensive to is saying, Hey, what have you been doing? How have you gotten here? So I think that’s also something to kind of keep in mind is those same people that you may feel like you have to defend are probably going to be the same people that later down the road ask, Hey, what have you been doing? We

Cori (08:46):
Want the hard thing to achieve. And then we slightly balk at the fact that there are hard things we have to do to get there. But if you think about any great, I know you might be like, well, I’m just on a weight loss journey, but any great movie with a hero that succeeds, an athlete that succeeds, someone who accomplishes great things, there were always naysayers, people that said they were obsessive, people that doubted their actions and then wanted to repeat those same things once they saw that success as you brought up. So it is really staying true to what you want, but then recognizing that when you feel the need to defend, you’re also putting doubt in your own mind, which then makes it harder to replicate the habits that you really want, which goes back to your whole thing of you got to go in with the game plan, you got to think through all these sort of plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G, all the different mindsets that might even come up with that. Even what game plans you’ve tried in the past that you’re trying to force again in a different mold that didn’t work out and why they didn’t work out. Because it might be that the actions actually didn’t work or that the mindsets weren’t there behind them.

Michelle (09:48):
Yes, and I think, so there’s a few things to even go about establishing those boundaries, like things that you want to consider when you’re going through, whether it’s deciding what is your goal going to be? Is this going to be a day that you just don’t track? Is this going to be a day that you are going to as you put, Hey, I can actually easily hit all my macros this day and just make some tweaks along the day to do that. Is it going to be you have a calorie goal and a protein goal and that’s going to be what you focus on? Are you going to pre-plan and maybe eat a little bit more protein, a little lower carb because you plan to maybe have more carbs at the event? There’s lots of ways that you can go about doing this that is hopefully going to feel right for you.

(10:30):
And again, it can change. Are we going to limit alcohol? Are you going to to just have one drink? Are you just going to avoid the alcohol at the event? Those are all the things that you want to consider and it’s going to change from event to event, but also it’s going to help you find your balance of what’s really going to be worth it to you. And the number one thing is your goal is what you value. Not everyone’s going to see it the same way, and that’s okay. Not all of us are going to value our goals the exact same. And so yeah, you are going to be a little bit different and that’s okay, but oftentimes there’s other things that we can go about to also deflect some of the attention in these scenarios, and we’ll even cover that in a little bit as well. Well, I want to go right into

Cori (11:11):
That because I think deflecting is a very important thing to think about how you’re going to say no to something because we so often think, oh, I’ll just say no. And sometimes you know what? Just being like, no, I’m good is the right way because in any defense, any like, oh no, I’m good, I ate more earlier. That then makes us question our own decision or makes it more awkward or gives them almost room to question us because we’re introducing doubt. So sometimes yes, just saying no is good, but there’s also a lot of ways to just strike your balance and not have anybody notice. There’s been lots of times like, oh, I’ll grab some in a bit. I’m busy right now. I want to go over and talk to X person. Or before I do that, tell me this story. There’s lots of ways to change the subject, keep connection, keep the other elements that you really want there. So let’s talk a little bit about ways to navigate saying no that aren’t just direct, like, oh, no, I feel awkward. I’m saying no.

Michelle (12:05):
Yes. And I’ll be honest, I’m the queen of the deflection because I’m a major people pleaser. I have a hard time just flat out saying like, Nope, nope, I’m good. And I think one of the number one things when we are going to these events, when we’re seeing those people, and I lovingly call them food pushers, the ones that are always going to make sure you have something in your hand to eat and wanting you to try everything. And one thing that I think is important that we all understand is these people, we tend to be like, oh, they stress me out.

(12:35):
They’re not taking what I value or my goals seriously. But what is important I think for everyone to remember is oftentimes these people are the ones that love you. They’re not really trying. Their goal isn’t truly to derail you. They’re trying to love on you. My grandma was probably the queen food pusher of all times. I don’t think I ever went to her house where I didn’t have a cookie or a pie or a candy that was stuffed in my pocket or put in front of me. And when I left, you better believe she was giving me those leftovers to send home too. So you have to understand, for many people, food is a love language. So when someone pushes food, it’s not that they’re really wanting you to eat, it’s really that they’re looking for that connection. They’re trying to provide comfort, they’re trying to contribute to you in some way, and food is an easy way to do that.

(13:25):
So when you say no, it can sometimes for this person, and I’m not saying this to make anyone feel guilty, but it can feel like you were rejecting them. So even if you’re not, there’s better ways that we can actually deflect or kind of make those connections without saying yes. Because again, if you’re saying no, you’re saying yes to something. And so when we are looking at those deflections, we want to really focus on the connection because in most cases that’s what their goal is, and you can do that without food. So some easy ways to say no or kind of pass it on. So if you’re wanting to say no, is being like, oh no, I’m not going to eat right now because I want to make sure I’m helping you out. Especially hostesses, they’re the queens of this. They want to make sure everyone’s being fed, being happy, but if you can step in and be like, oh, let me help you, you’re going to do two things.

(14:19):
One, you’re getting that connection with them. This is often the time where’re like, oh, you’ve worked really hard. Let me help you out in this scenario. And you are keeping yourself busy. They may see you with food because you’re helping, you may become the food pusher and may be like, Hey, what can I get for you guys? Or Let me go grab that for you or let me go set the table. The big thing at these events is keeping your hands full with something, whether it is a glass of water, whether it is you’re helping carry things from place to place, but if you can provide that, that’s going to be useful. Or it can just be like, Hey, talk to me about this recipe. Is this a family recipe? Where did you get that? Talk to me about what you did to put this on.

(15:01):
And if you can even get them to tell the story behind the food, that’s another way that we can create that connection that doesn’t actually involve you eating. Other things are just offering, or like you said, like, oh yeah, I’m really full right now, but let me see if I can have a little bit space later. Or I would love to maybe take that I’m so full right now, I want to enjoy it. So could I pack that up and take it later? And maybe that’s something that you enjoy when it fits better into your macros. And I’ll tell you, I don’t know many people that aren’t going to be pleased to be like, oh my gosh, they took the leftover, they were so excited about this. They took some of the leftover with them. So it’s another way to compliment, and even though you may not necessarily be consuming it in front of them,

Cori (15:46):
And even if you do have to or want to say no because it’s just not right for you, right, then you can still make that connection of like, oh gosh, I knew I was coming here tonight and your thing is the best, but I have to say no, I’m doing this one program and I really want to see it through. And a lot of times even that boosts to their ego that your recognition of what you want, you feel proud of owning your goals. And they also might even be like, oh, that’s really cool that you’re doing this, but there’s no questioning then. And I think that’s the important part of it’s being firm in what you want, but setting your boundaries in a way that you can still have that connection with them. You can still enjoy the party and you don’t feel like it’s the stress of you and them kind of butting heads with different things because there are times that you do just have to say no.

(16:31):
But I think taking ownership of that is really key and you are, as you said, then speaking their love language and that you’re recognizing that their thing is so good. And also sometimes you don’t say no. I think that’s an important thing to recognize that not every time when you go to an event will you say, no, you might love that pie that your aunt makes or whatever else, and you know what you work it in. Maybe your macros aren’t perfect, you go to a calorie cap, a protein minimum. Maybe you just say, Hey, I’m being overall moderate. I know this day is going to be a little off, but it could be way worse. So I’m going to create this balance with this calorie cap, this boundary for myself. And then you say yes to having that. Because maybe for you saying no, just in general, even if you’re trying to help do these other things, at the end of the day, they’re going to hand you one or it’s just going to be too much mental friction and that will cause you more pain, more discomfort than just saying yes and even having a bite or two because that’s always an option too when we get the food pushed, having the bite or two we want to work in to create that balance.

(17:28):
But sometimes you plan it in sometimes saying no can mean saying yes to the thing, you’re being pushed because that fits your balance and that actually makes you feel better overall. But it’s owning what we want and figuring out what’s the best way to handle it, not just trying to force a mold, but that lifestyle balance. I do think part of going into some of these things is that we always feel like that person on a diet restricted, and again, it’s a mindset, but it goes back to how we’ve tried to handle things potentially even in the past.

Michelle (17:58):
And I think this is so key because so often everyone kind of puts their diet on a pedestal where it’s like, the only way I can be on this diet or be working towards my goal is if I’m here and I’m perfect all the time. So that includes this day, but they’re not looking for, they have times where I was like, I’ve heard this so often. Well, I was so good, I was doing so perfect. I really don’t care about the perfect times. When I’m looking at your food, I’m actually more looking at the times where you’re like, oh, I fell off. Alright, well let’s compare it to the last time you fell off. Did we go as bad because that’s going to be the thing that actually changes the most. Yes, hopefully we can extend those periods of time where you’re hitting your goal and more consistent.

(18:41):
And of course that’s always going to be the thing, but if we can also look at those times that really lead you to these long-term fallouts, which for most people it is these type of events, these holidays where it takes them a long time to get back on track after. If we can reduce the amount of time that you’re off track or if we can be like, Hey, yeah, you maybe didn’t hit your macros perfectly, but remember last year what happened last year? How long did it take you to get back on track? Or you went in this huge calorie binge during this time, but this year you ate moderately. That’s a win and that’s going to be where true change actually happens, and that’s going to be really what pushes that will and kind of pushes you further along and closer to your journey than anything else. So it’s not always about having those perfect days or those perfect moments, it’s truly about getting that consistency and keeping the moderation. So even when you have that off date, it’s not nearly as bad as what it used to be. I think that’s

Cori (19:44):
So key. And also not to throw a wrench in the perfect plans, but what is perfect, I think the more I started to brace that there’s always room for improvement. So technically you’re never perfect. Anyway, it took a little bit of pressure off of it and I also started to realize that by trying to force the 21 day perfect plan, the six week perfect plan A, I wasn’t owning the reality of my lifestyle, which is why I kept going on a diet over actually adjusting my diet. But I realized that over the course of the year, if I were to break down the 365 days, I actually did a lot more bad things by trying to be so good, so perfect on specific days. And so once I started to strike that balance, I started to realize that overall my lows got a lot less low and the days I was eating the way I should be eating or healthier, that actually promoted optimal health got a lot better because I didn’t feel so restricted, so I didn’t swing so much the other way.

(20:35):
So I think we have to realize that the more we demonize something, we label food as bad events or habits as bad over just saying, Hey, how can I make them better? How can I make them fit my goals more? How can I make them make me feel better? The more we start to embrace that balance. You know what, when I tried to restrict dessert, I ended up eating a whole heck of a lot more sweets and sugar and all that other stuff. Then when I was like, I like dessert and then I ended up making my desserts better, it became more negotiable on times where I went out. So you’ll be surprised by how letting go of perfect and saying, Hey, I am being perfect, even if it helps you to think you have to be perfect for yourself. I’m being perfect by owning that I’m going to have this piece of pie and that I want it and is part of my balance. I’m being perfect in creating that lifestyle balance. So also shifting potentially what perfect means. If the other viewpoint of you’ll never be perfect, it doesn’t help you, right?

Michelle (21:29):
Yeah, I love that because I think one thing that I think people kind of don’t think about oftentimes is when they’re looking at these events and the things that they’re saying no to, is the effects that that’s going to have? I mean, we talked about, okay, if you say no to that dessert, all of a sudden your food noise gets a lot higher and you may be all of a sudden finding yourself, well, I said no to that dessert I really wanted, but then your food noise gets so high that you start binging on sugar just because it’s sugar and it’s around. But you said no to that one thing, so you stepped to that plan, but your plan may have been better had you been like, Hey, that is worth it to me. I know I’m going to keep my food noise. I’m going to be in more control if I enjoy that and can move on versus I said no, and now I cannot quiet the food noise.

(22:16):
And so I see that often where people will maybe say like, oh, I can’t have this. I have to say no to that, and then they say no, but then later that food noise just gets louder and louder and louder and they eventually kind of end up binging on something else that maybe they wouldn’t have enjoyed as much. And so because it’s not the thing that they’re actually thinking about, they’re not as fully satisfied. So that is also something to consider when you are creating these boundaries, when you are considering what is worth it to you is really reflect on the past when you have tried to say no or try to avoid certain things. What was that food noise like for you after? Can you strike a balance? Is it going to be a better if you actually plan in that dessert, the dessert that you’re looking forward to keep the food noise at bay?

Cori (23:04):
I think it’s also remembering that perfect is generally a highlight reel that we’re really looking back at, and it’s usually a very specific moment or short timeframe. So when we zoom out and we look at everything else, we realized not so perfect in trying to be perfect, and I bring that up because I do think you think about a vacation or whatever else, we go to that one perfect moment in life and we don’t think about, oh, well, I actually was fighting with my spouse beforehand. Then we came back and our house was flooded. We slightly ignore when we look at the highlight reel, all the other imperfect moments and don’t realize that by finding a balance and embracing them, and obviously with life, we want to look back at the good scrapbook moments, but with our diet, we want to fall victim to the highlight reel.

(23:47):
Oh, well this worked at x time. Okay, but it worked for 21 days. It worked for one month. There are 12 months in the year. There are 365 days in the year. We don’t want to get that snapshot and only focus on that highlight reel on that perfect moment. We need to often realize that when we’re saying I have been so perfect that we’re really hyper-focused and zoomed in on only a little bit of time in the grand scheme of things. And so, okay, yes, we’re perfect for this, but how can we be perfect for other seasons, other stages, other needs, other lifestyle balances to find a more perfect

Michelle (24:22):
Balance over the year? I love that. And I know we all know this, but I’m just going to say it because I think the more we say it, the more realistic it’s is. You are also comparing yourself to everyone else’s highlight reel. And it’s not. It’s human nature. We like to present our best. When you get online, you’re going to see people’s best highlights from those things. But this is why you also can’t compare. You may go to an event and maybe you have set your boundaries and someone else has a different boundary. Maybe there is a little bit, I don’t want to say strict, but maybe they have a little bit more boundaries aligned for that day than you do. That doesn’t make your boundaries any less. You have to stick to your own journey. So this isn’t a time that you’re trying to be just like anyone else because the one thing that is going to affect this more than anything truly is the mindset. We always say the body follows where the mind leads. So maybe you and the other person has very similar goals, but trying to compare your journey to them, it’s impossible because you have no idea what your mindset is compared to their mindset, what they’re valuing things differently than what you’re valuing. So just stick to making your own boundaries and not comparing to anyone else’s that is also at that event as well.

Cori (25:44):
Couldn’t agree more because you don’t know what deficit they’ve created, what workouts they’re doing, all the other aspects of their lifestyle to make them want to enact those habits. Then and again, even the mindsets, right? For one, having the thing at the party might create that reduced food noise, that balance, it might be worth it to them. Well, the other person’s like dessert. I don’t freaking care about dessert. Give me all the salty snacks, but there’s no salty snack, so I don’t care. Right? It’s finding your balance. And in that three to five takeaways for somebody who’s really like, okay, I need to assess. I want to find my balance because I know through the summer into the holiday season, I am going to be navigating these times and my goals are very important to me, but I need to find a balance, three to five

Michelle (26:27):
Big tips, takeaways for them. So the number one thing is actually sitting down and thinking of the things that you value and what you find worth it. And I’m talking think of the events. You’re going to think about the holiday time. What are those foods that you really are willing to spend some of that your calories on that is going to make you feel satisfied, make you feel like you’re truly part of the event as well? Consider what is going to be the best thing for you long-term when it comes to food noise. Ask yourself those questions. Think again. Consider past events when you have said no to things, what has that led to later? Maybe not that day, maybe that next day or maybe that weekend. Really making sure that you’re never using any event as an excuse. I’ve heard this so many times when it comes to boundary settings where it was like, oh, well, I wasn’t feeling well and then I felt stressed, and then it corresponded with this, well, I’m going to tell you I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have some stress around a holiday, some stress around a vacation traveling alone is going to cause stress.

(27:37):
So don’t use that as an excuse as to, so everything just went off. No. Take the time actually sit down and think of those boundaries, and I’m going to push it even further. Don’t just think, write it down and actually practice what you’re going to say. I’m sure as we’ve talked about this, everyone has thought of a relative or a friend or someone that’s pushing that drink, pushing that food, think about them and the best way to say no, whether it is just flat out no, or whether it is one of the responses of, okay, I’m going to redirect or reflect or connect with them in a different way. Consider the person in your life that that’s going to be your biggest thing that you need to address and truly sit down and come up with responses. You know, you know what that food item or drink or whatever is going to be that they tend to push on you. So truly be prepared, and as silly as it sounds, practice saying it. Practice Ashley taking the time to say it because the more you practice, the more you’re not going to feel on the spot and stumble. So that’s going to be my biggest advice when it comes to navigating these events is truly consider how you’ve done it in the past and what you would like to do for that particular event, and then practice how you’re actually going to say things. And I want

Cori (29:02):
To end on a slightly hard perspective slash not as positive a note to think about, but I think something that’s super key. If every day is legendary, no day is legendary. And also we value what we’ve fought for. Days become special because they actually are those unique special days. And a lot of times we say, oh, I can’t see results because there’s all these parties. Well, are all those parties really meant to be legendary? If you’re really giving into what you’ve always done at those points, what didn’t get you the results that you want? Are you really valuing what you’ve already fought for or would even saying no at? Some of things make you feel better about your goals, about yourself, about your vision, and even about the days then that you do feel are worth it to indulge. So it’s also really questioning yourself of like, am I just repeating a routine and habit that is easy or am I truly valuing special events and shifting that perspective? Because again, it’s really easy to just say, oh, it’s party, it’s this. But if every day is legendary, no day is actually special and legendary. So just remember that. Wanted to share that one perspective shift. Michelle, any closing thoughts?

Michelle (30:15):
No, I actually, I don’t want to even mess with that. I liked that saying that you just shared, so I’m going to keep it with every day’s legendary, no days, legendary.

Cori:

Well, on that note, have a fabulous rest of your week.

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.

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