Cori (00:00):
Welcome to the Redefining Strength Podcast. Everything you need to succeed on your health and fitness journey, even the stuff you don’t want to hear. I don’t know about you guys, but I have a hard time sometimes slowing down to speed up. I am all about taking that action I want to do. Reflecting is not in my natural nature and it’s something I’ve had to learn, which is why I’m super excited to talk with Coach Ashley today about the power of the pause. Ashley, thank you so much for joining me.

Ashley (00:33):
Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to get to dive into this topic and talk through it and talk through what are some of the benefits for people in their health and wellness journey.

Cori (00:43):
So let’s get right to it because as I mentioned, I am not good at reflecting. It is something I’ve had to really learn to slow down to ultimately speed up because there is a desire to sometimes do act out of emotion, react to something. So how can we really see the power in the pause and then use it to our advantage?

Ashley (01:03):
Absolutely. Okay, so when we talk about the pause, the way I like to frame this is it’s the space in between when you have a thought and the action that you take right afterwards. Now, the way that we kind of produce action and the way that our thoughts influence our actions, there’s two different systems. There’s the fast action response, which is usually born out of patterns that we have routines like the way we’ve operated since we are two, three years old. And I don’t want to say it’s animalistic, but it’s so instinctual that it’s just whatever our first instinct is. And then we have our slow response system, which is where more of that pause comes into play, where you think a thought, have thought, take a pause, and then determine or choose the action that you’re going to take. And so that’s where that pause kind of exists is right in between the position of where you’ve had that thought.

(02:03):
And what’s so powerful about it is that it allows your brain to actually override the automatic pattern that you’ve developed over the course of your entire life. And so the reason why this is so important, especially with behavior change, you’re trying to change anything about yourself, whether it’s the way that you wake up. I mean, I’ve had to use this because I’ve been told as I get older, I should wash my face and do skincare before I go to bed so that I don’t have wrinkles and I hate washing my face and it’s not in my nighttime. So I’ve had to intentionally use this strategy for something as simple as being clean, but you can use it for your health, your fitness, any area of wellness.

Cori (02:50):
It’s remembering that your habits made you do it in a weird way. And we think of habits as a good thing, but the habits do have that ingrained pattern that we default back into. So when we’re trying to create something new, we have to use that pause to recognize that our habits made us do it and unlearn those patterns as we’re even learning new ones. And that’s why it’s so hard and this giving ourselves space to really think about it is so key. So knowing that and knowing that it can be helpful for about any habit mentioning washing your face, I’m like, I’m not good at that either. Maybe I should use that here. But what can we do to help make ourselves actually take that pause when it’s so easy to default back into action?

Ashley (03:33):
I think first, recognizing and understanding that there are those two brains within us is the first thing. What that does is it allows us to remove guilt and shame from this process because a lot of times I’ll hear from clients is like, I just feel like I can’t get a handle specifically around food a lot. I can’t get a handle on this. I feel like I keep self-sabotaging. And what that produces is then a shame response that drives them away from the action altogether because they’re so worried about failure. So the first thing that you can do is when you have the thought, so let’s take just the situation of washing your face. So I’m cozied up on the couch, it’s hitting that time that I’m ready to go to bed. Typically it’s like, okay, just go to bed. I’m done. I’m ready for the end of the night.

(04:25):
Okay, wait, what can I use here to interrupt my pattern that I have of just going to bed? So for me, again, ridiculousness, but this is just who I am. I have to set an alarm on my phone that is at least five minutes ahead of the time that I’m too tired to actually want to do anything. And it’s an interruption, right? Go wash your face. Well, now it’s right in front of me to either make the decision because it’s an interruption. I either need to make the decision to go do the thing or to not do the thing. But because I know that there is something intentional I’ve placed in there, there’s no shame or guilt around my choice that I make. I’m just making the choice. The second thing that we really have to understand here is that a lot of our automatic decisions, a lot of our routines are inside being driven by dopamine.

(05:24):
And the reason why this is so important to understand is dopamine is highly addictive to us as humans. Humans. There’s studies that have been done on rats that show rats will go crazy for sugar as much as they can, even to the point of it killing them. And again, I don’t want to narrow us down to animals because we’re not, and we do have the second brain, however, acknowledging that dopamine is driving a lot of the impulsive decisions that we get, and that’s what we’re pursuing day in and day out. Just having that understanding puts us more into position of like, okay, I can think about this and analyze what’s happening versus just moving and going and reacting to my life moment and moment day after day and feeling like I have no control over it. So I think the first step is like understand what’s happening inside your brain.

Cori (06:16):
I think that understanding is so key because it does put you in a more proactive state. You recognize that there are things happening that are natural and that you shouldn’t even necessarily feel guilty about, but at the same time, you can control and change. And I love that example of setting that alarm For me, it’s a change in my environment. So thinking now about like, okay, I’m actually bad at washing my face as well, what could I do to then shift things so I have that reminder, well, I could put out all the materials I need to wash my face right on the counter so that I have no excuse. I see it when I go to brush my teeth, which I do do religiously. So that’s a good habit to have ingrained, but that will help me have that reminder and then make a choice. Yes, I can still choose not to do it, but it’s a lot easier to remember to do it when those visuals are there. So it is finding a way that you can create that pause through other things that trigger it, because trying to think about pausing is kind of impossible to start until you really recognize the pattern you’re repeating.

Ashley (07:17):
You just hit on that word. You have to recognize it to know that it’s happening. Recognizing it requires reflection, it requires pausing, it requires looking back and even having a moment of analysis. So pair this back, really simple things that affect our clients daily. Oh, I didn’t work out yesterday because my day was so busy. Okay, let’s reflect on it. Let’s look back to yesterday then. What was different? What was the same? Where was the moment that you decided that you weren’t going to work out? And can you in that moment, is there a different trigger that we could have put into place? Just like you just described, what is something that you want to do differently? And in fact, the author of Atomic Habits talks about how to implement and put new habits into place, and everything comes from a queue. So let’s say stressful day, long day meetings up the wazoo, something happened at work.

(08:27):
Okay, stress response, right? Then you have the routine of that. So maybe the routine is when you get stressed, you stop by McDonald’s and you pick up your shamrock shake because it’s March and you got to have one in there. That’s like your little trait. And then at the reward, what’s the reward of that is that you get comfort. Okay, well, if I want to interrupt that pattern, I want to do something different, then what I have to do is the moment that the routine is hitting, that’s where I have to insert the pause. That’s where I have to go. I guess I’m going to take a different way home maybe as a strategy, or I’m going to immediately drive to the gym right now versus even stopping someplace else to delay that process. And that’s where again, the pause though comes as you’re recognizing the routine that’s there.

Cori (09:23):
And it’s even using the pause not right in the moment. So while we do want that pause to come in the moment to assess our choice in the matter, what we really want to do, it’s even realizing that when something happens, instead of creating that guilt, instead of blaming yourself for the impulse, instead of just writing it off as, oh, this is a routine or habit or mindset that I can’t control, at the end of the day, reflect, put in that pause automatically right now at a time you can fully control, just say, Hey, I’m going to reflect on the day, what happened that led to this routine? What triggered this pattern? And then what things can I test out to do it to then implement? Maybe it is even putting in your gym bag so that you can go right to the gym, right into your car, so you don’t go get that shamrock shake.

(10:05):
Maybe it’s even having an extra snacker protein shake that you walk out of your office with at the end of the day of work because you’ll have that and won’t stop then. But using almost a preset pause at the end of the day to help yourself then even see those pauses because you’ll notice as you drink that protein shake, even though you’re doing that now sort of out of habit because it’s there, that creates that pause to assess this is how I felt. Okay, this actually did help, or maybe it didn’t, but it pauses your brain enough to give you that choice when you do select that thing. So it’s using pause in multiple different ways so that we can recognize what leads to that cycle. For us, even

Ashley (10:44):
One of the key things I think you hit on there, Cori, that’s really important is it puts you back into control and choice and decision. And I do think so many of us are just running around day to day being highly reactive to what the day brings to us. And sure, there’s going to be certain days that are that way. There will be things that are outside of your control. But what you just referenced is how do I use tools and strategies to make sure that I’m being intentional? Even the strategy of reflection, end of the day, you’re being very intentional with that to reflect back, to say, okay, what did I like about my day? What did I not like about the day? Let me forecast into tomorrow. What would I like to change for tomorrow? And it puts you into that driver’s seat again versus feeling like you’re just a passenger in your life and just whiplash in and out of traffic whichever way that you’re going.

(11:44):
And that’s a key factor that any person who wants to implement a behavior change, change something about their life change, something about their health and wellness, about their fitness, you have to start with the power to choose, have to start there. Once you recognize that you have the opportunity to choose, that’s when you can start actually using this strategy very strategically. Whether it is, I know sometimes I’ve worked with clients who I’m like, end of the week, here’s your reflection point. How many people are actually spending the time to look at their week or look at their month or even look at a quarter or a year of their life to say, what do I, lemme pause and reflect on what I liked here. That’s why New Year’s is such a great time to start producing change is because there’s a pause that’s built in after Christmas, after New Year’s, people are like leaning back, ate too much food, and they’re like, I can slow down for a second. And it’s built into their calendar almost. But we have to be intentional about building that in other places. Otherwise, a whole year goes by and you realize you’re in the same place

Cori (12:59):
And it can’t just be in the reflection after the doing, even it’s being intentional and taking that pause even prior. So to start your day, if you find yourself constantly in that reactive state, not pausing, even saying, well, I just can’t pause. And again, giving away your control, what at the beginning of your day can you do to set your intentions for the day, to set out the routine to recognize, Hey, this is what I even have in store and own it. Because I think that’s something we don’t do enough is own the reality of our situation, own our priorities, and therefore we don’t give ourselves the power to pause because we don’t recognize what might be coming up with the new year. We do exactly that, and the more we do it by even setting specific things versus saying, well, I want to track this year because I want to lose weight.

(13:41):
Well, how are you going to track, okay, how is that going to look on a daily basis? What action can you take today for that? The more you start to give yourself those really tangible things, the more you start to see the actions and the more it actually becomes easier to even pause because you are aware of those daily actions. And I feel like awareness is so much at the heart of all of this, and we’ve been circling around and touching on in so many different ways. Is there any way you’d recommend that someone goes about building that awareness more in the moment besides just the reflection, just the setting, the intentions for the day?

Ashley (14:16):
Absolutely. I think you’re touching on some really great reflection strategies and in intentional strategies, but it doesn’t take away from the moment that you need to make a decision where stress is high or your body and mind are pursuing comfort, right? So when you get into that moment, there’s the 5, 5, 5 rule, and this is a little bit more thought driven. So once you have the thought that you’re recognizing as like, okay, I really don’t want to, I’m just going to keep using this example, go to the gym. My day was long. I’m stressed out, I’m exhausted. Okay, well, let me give five seconds just to do nothing for five seconds. Have that thought address that it’s there. Okay, now I’m going to ask myself five minutes from now, how do I feel now about going to the gym? Okay, if I could get to the gym for just five minutes and do just five minutes of treadmill, warmup, foam rolling, whatever it is that I can, I just do five minutes, is that something that I can do?

(15:20):
And starting to look from that five, five perspective and talking yourself through it, it produces enough pause in the moment that you are not just reacting to the thought that is sitting there. It’s not an automatic like, oh, don’t want to go to the gym, not going, it’s a, oh, don’t want to go to the gym. Five seconds. Think about it. Okay, five more minutes, ask yourself again. So you’re driving home, ask yourself again, okay, now what if I could just go do five minutes that I’m there? So that’s one strategy that people can kind of utilize is that rule of 5, 5, 5. This is a little bit more meditative and it doesn’t work for every single person, but if you know what box breathing is, box breathing brings down the cortisol levels and the stress response in the body, which is where we make a lot of our automatic decisions pursuing dopamine.

(16:21):
So when you are in a high stress situation, you go back to routine. So what box breathing does is it’s strategy where you’re inhaling for a beat of four or five or a six. I have seen people do it even up to eight. Then holding that breath for that count of four to eight and then releasing it. What it does is it lowers the body sympathetic nervous system. That response that you’re having, it lowers your cortisol, brings you out of your amygdala, the emotional part of your brain and puts you back into, I call it the driver’s seat, that prefrontal cortex where you’re actually making decisions. You’re actually getting to have that response. So those are two strategies that strateg you can use to implement a pause into a moment or a situation, but something I think is key for you to even expand on. I love that you said earlier, Cori was about the environmental factors and how you can use those to interrupt and produce a pause.

Cori (17:26):
It’s all about where your attention goes, your energy flows, right? And with the breathing, with having those environmental shifts, we’re creating something that draws our attention to where we want it to go. And with the breathing, it’s amazing how much just that pause, not only because you’re pausing to count the breasts, but just that relaxation relaxes your mind, gets you to refocus, not just respond to something and allows you to honestly assess what you want. Because a lot of times in that immediate wanting to take action, you default back into what’s comfortable, convenient. You almost even give yourself permission and make an excuse for yourself to just do what you’ve always done. Well, I just don’t have the power. I just don’t have the self-control. I don’t have the willpower. No, I’m sorry. You do. You have all of those things, but we have to make the choice to have them.

(18:12):
And I’m very much a tough love person for myself and for everybody I work with. So for me, it is even in those pauses, not just saying, well, what do I want in the future? But why am I feeling like I don’t deserve this? Why am I feeling like I should give up on myself? And I think that honest reflection a lot of times is like, well, heck no. I’m better than this. Right? There gets a little like dust his shoulders off. It’s recognizing not only why you deserve it, but sometimes just saying strength is built through what you overcome. And the first few times you take that pause as hard as it is, that’s ultimately what makes you more comfortable being uncomfortable in that way. And so for me, it is a lot of environmental shifts. It’s not having the candy in the cabinet, but putting it in the freezer even though it tastes even more delicious, arguably in the freezer.

(19:01):
It’s that pause that creates the environmental shift that originally created that now helps. And so now I have that whole cycle in place. It’s putting out the gym bag or putting out the different things I need to handle. I hate for some reason responding to different mail things, even though I’ll respond to emails in two seconds. But if it comes in the actual mail, which generally are more important tax things that you have to do, whatever, but I for some reason, dislike doing them. But if I put them on my keyboard on my desk, I will do them because I have to pick it up to move it. So I’m that lazy that I will do it right? It’s just those small things that almost seem so silly that can be the biggest pauses and shifts just because they make us actually have to take action in a different way. And where our attention goes, our energy flows, right?

Ashley (19:48):
Yes. Oh, it’s one of my favorite statements and one of my beliefs is you have to know that in the driver’s seat of your life. You have to know that the direction you are determining the direction of who you’re going to be a year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now, and this is where everything that you just said reminded me of. Another tactic that people can utilize in the thought processes is we’re so impulse and dopamine driven sometimes as human beings, that as you’re interrupting your thoughts and your flows and kind of taking control of your life, one thing that you always have to ask yourself, is this serving the future version of myself actually going to thank me for this? Because sure, right now in the moment, I might be tired, I might be stressed, I might be joyous, I might have all of these different things, but a week from now, am I going to regret that I made the choice that I’m making right now, three months down the line, am I going to regret the way that I’ve handled the last three weeks or the decisions I’m making today?

(21:01):
And it really starts putting into your mind this future focus where it’s not all about the present moment and just the present moment, but now you’re living for something that is, I don’t want to say greater than yourself because it’s you. You’re pretty great. Do you deserve that for yourself? Does the future version of yourself actually deserve that? And when you start thinking about it that way and having more of a No, I want to live a purpose driven life wherever I’m going, I want to make sure that I am driving somewhere intentional as we start living that and start having that thought process and asking ourselves, again, pausing, what decision do I want to make for my future self? And I’ll just say this, sometimes the decision is yes, I do need to rest today because if I go work out right at this moment, I might pull my hamstring because my mind muscle connection isn’t there. And if I’m going to do that, if this happens, then I’m going to workout tomorrow at this time instead and starting to use the technique of even if then I’m in the driver’s decision, I can decide if I’m going to work out or not. And if I make this decision, then this is the consequence that comes of that decision, if you will.

(22:22):
Bargaining with yourself in that way can be another strategy. You can use that pause too.

Cori (22:29):
I definitely want to talk about bargaining because I think that can even sometimes steer into taking ownership of the fact that we are dopamine driven. Because I use it, and I don’t call it bargaining, but I think it’s very much along the same lines of, well, I can work out, or if I don’t want to work out, I have to work out to listen to this podcast that I really want to listen to or with not wanting to do the dishes, I also get to do this other fun thing. So it’s even combining and using things that really are that fix that we want with things that maybe we don’t want to do, or I hate foam rolling, I don’t want to do it. Okay, well, I get to watch X amount of Netflix if I also have foam roll during these different points in the show. So it’s sometimes connecting things that you are driven to do with things that you aren’t driven to do, to give you that pause to want to do them, and even potentially create some positive associations so that you want to ingrain in those habits potentially even faster too.

Ashley (23:29):
Oh, it’s so good. Using our dopamine fix to our advantage is so smart. And again, there brings a fun level to it and a joyous occasion to it because so often I will hear from people like, oh, I have to work out, I have to work out. And I’m like, is there anything that we enjoy here? I had a client once who her favorite thing about working out was the outfits that she got to buy to workout in. She loved it. She’s like, I love a cute gym outfit. I’m like, more power to you. I’m a t-shirt and sweatpants girl, but I love that for you and you love it for you. And so her thing was, okay, if I’m consistent this long, I get to go buy this new outfit. And when you start kind of combining that reward factor, like you said, that dopamine, and again, not guilting yourself over it, okay, yeah, I’m driven with some rewards. Awesome. How can I start partnering those things together and marrying them together so that I am both moving in the direction I want to go? And what you said, Cori was so important, starting to associate positive associations.

(24:43):
There is usually so many patterns people have had throughout their years of dieting and feeling like failure or feeling like they had these lived experiences of, well, in the past, my pattern has been to quit or to fail or to lose it and gain it. And so with that, there’s these negative associations with the process. I love asking the question, well, how much fun, positive joy can we start partnering with this experience so it doesn’t feel like so much resistance in it? You can tell me a little bit about your experience here, but I hear this a lot with tracking or when people go into a calorie deficit for the first time, there’s a fear response and they’re like, Ooh, they just cringe with it. And I’m like, okay, well let’s pause here. Let’s pause and figure out where that’s coming from. Okay, can we even use a strategy of a little game? How many treats can I fit into my macros on this cycle so that I can figure out how to actually not hate being in a calorie deficit? Because look at, I can have as many treats as I want as long as it fits my macros.

Cori (26:03):
I think that’s key because as a dessert person, for me, tracking seemed restrictive. And then I realized, wait, I’ve always cut out all these things without tracking, and now with tracking, I can work them in. So my trying to restrict food groups before was more restrictive than tracking, but because a lot of times we have used tracking to cut things out, we have that negative association. So pausing to really assess why we have attitudes towards things and break down how we’ve used ’em in the past is super important. That’s why I like having people just track to start because they see there’s no judgment in it, there’s nothing they can’t have. And then from there, they can adjust based on what they actually want. And I love your example of working in the things and seeing how much of a game you can make it.

(26:44):
Same thing with meal prep, right? A lot of times people have meal prepped and they’ve had chicken and broccoli. I actually do like chicken and broccoli to some extent, but I want diversity. And so if you only think about meal prepping in that way, that’s not going to be fun. But if you go look for new recipes and cookbooks and search on IG and Pinterest, you can find so many good things that make all these different habits really fun. But it goes back to what we’ve been talking about, power of the pause to assess why do I have certain attitudes and what can change this for me?

Ashley (27:19):
It’s so good. It’s so good what you just said. I think if there’s any two questions that somebody were to walk away with today, it would be those two questions right there. Why does this exist? So getting super curious without judgment towards yourself, working in that intentional reflection, is it at the end of the day for you? Is it at the end of a week as you’re looking through things, you have a cup of coffee, sit on your back deck, think about your week. What is that experience going to be like? And then second, asking yourself, well, what can I add in to this experience even before I take away? What can I add in that’s going to give me more of what I want? Is it quick and easy meals? Are those things that are important to me? Is it more treats? I’m also a treat person.

(28:05):
I want them, right? What is it that I want to bring into my health and wellness experience? And this is why I always ask clients when first starting with them, what is your ideal vision for your health and wellness? Magic genie pops out of a bottle. It’s like you get three wishes. You get these. If you could have anything, what could those be? And Cori, if I could tell you how many times people aren’t sure because they’ve never actually stopped to think about it and no one’s asked them, well, what do you actually want your health and wellness to look like, feel like? What do you want your process? Do you want to go hard in the paint or do you want it to be a little bit more slow because you’re like, I want to implement one thing at a time. Do you want this to be something?

(28:54):
There’s not the pause that they haven’t even thought about it. And so when I get to start working with a client, that’s the first thing we’re going to pause. We’re going to actually ask these questions of ourselves, and then we’re going to start piece by piece asking, well, what needs to change in order to get there and how do we go about that? So that’s where even as somebody is starting out at asking themselves what has changed, but I’ll just give this as a freebie too. One of my other favorite questions to ask people is, when was the last time you felt your best? Because in this reactive, crazy life, people go, man, 20 years ago, what was different about life 20 years ago, comparative to right now? Because if we can figure out the gaps between what was and what is now and then even go and where do we want to go from there? It allows people to pick out what’s changed before and what do I want to change now? So a lot of reflection in there. Journaling’s a great prompt if you’re a journaler, if you’re an analog person, maybe you’re a verbal processor. I will just say, this is where a coach comes in handy because you can verbal process at your coach and they can help bring some clarity. But even if you don’t have a coach, having a support person in your life that you can process with can also be really strong.

Cori (30:27):
I think there are so many great tips in that, and one of the biggest summaries of that is question and be curious. And I would add in a little bit, dare to dream because I think part of why we don’t ever achieve as much as we’d want is because we do limit ourselves whole other subject for another day. But we need to dare to dream. And if you want to implement the power of the pause, all these things are questioning and being curious about why you have that response. So in the moment, if you take that deep breath, you do the box breathing, you ask yourself, Hey, why is this coming up right now? Even that right there can make you really assess what you want and then put in the actions that you really feel you need to move forward towards your goals. So Ashley, three key takeaways for you from all of this that you want people to have in terms of using the power of the pause.

Ashley (31:21):
Let me think. Because when I get to this point, I always need a pause. I’m like, oh, there’s so many big things that people could take away. I would say the first thing is one, understand what’s going on internally. Understand that your brain and body are designed a certain way. And as you understand that, you use that too as a strategy to know that you can make a choice and that you can start choosing. And I say that very intentionally because sometimes people will slide into, well, this is just the way that I am and I can’t control it. No, no, no. Knowledge is power. Once you can know what your body and mind are doing now, you can use that to your advantage. So one, have that understanding without shame, without guilt. Two, get curious. So start working it into your day-to-day life or even weekly, that opportunity, 30, 60 minutes to just reflect on what is going well.

(32:16):
It doesn’t have to be super deep. You can say, what is going well? What is not going well? What do I want to focus on in this next week? Really simple. Third, what strategies are you going to use? So if you’ve noted a specific behavior or something that you want to change internally, maybe again, we’ll use the same example, stressed out, tired, you need to go to the gym, but you’re craving that shamrock shake. Okay, notice that. What’s the pattern interruption? What am I going to do differently this week? What am I going to try out? And then the biggest thing, after you try out that strategy, make sure you come back to the reflection. How did that work for me? Am I going to keep doing it in this way? So those are my big takeaways. It’s almost like a step by step. If you want to simplify it, understand, get curious, take an action off of that.

Cori (33:14):
And then pause again. Right?

Ashley (33:16):
It’s a cycle. It just keeps going. Yes!

Cori (33:19):
It does. We’re constantly learning and growing. And Ashley, thank you so much for all of this. I would love to hear how all of you are going to be using the power of the pause, what questions you really use to reflect and how you’ve shifted your environment, bargained with yourself, created those changes through really understanding where you’re at now and what you need to move forward during the most stressful times. There we go. Ashley, thank you again. It was fabulous to discuss the power of the pause with you.

Ashley (33:48):
Absolutely. Thanks, Cori.

*Note: This transcript is autogenerated there may be some unintended errors.